and no it won't always
be easy
there will sometimes be hard days
but you will get through them

move on
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                                                            mo­ve on
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                                                              ­                                              i can't

Dear mom

I know by know you're wondering
why i haven't called.
I know you probably think
its because I forgot or don't care
about you enough.

That isn't why. I've just
been going through some stuff
lately and I don't want you to worry
and I know that if I hear your voice
I will break.

I need a break from home and
our family and all of the ****
that has happened within the past year. I wish
things could be the same as they used to be.
One thing that will never change is that I love you.
I just need space and
I think 700 miles should do the trick.

I'll talk to you soon.

How can i live
Unpunished and full of
Regret after what i did
To

YOU?

i hate that every time i see you
i think you feel the same
i hate that i think these scenarios could be true
i hate that i only have myself to blame

i hate that i build you up inside my head
i hate that your smile makes me feel high
i hate the words i still haven't said
i hate that i continue to try and try

i hate that i can't make you see me
in the way that i see you
i hate that no matter how hard i plea
you won't notice the things i do

but most of all the thing i hate
is the hold you have on me and
the simple fact that i would wait
forever just to hold your hand.

today i walked outside
i was walking around for a while
when i arrived at high tide
i had walked to the ocean, about a mile.

i saw a girl crying down by the sea
she tried to hold them in but the tears streamed down
and i tried to be as quiet as could be
as i walked closer, each tear enough to drown

i approached her and tried to ask "what's wrong?"
but the closer i got the clearer i could see
this girl who's face was tear stained and expression was long
was a reflection in the water, and finally i realized the girl was me.

nothing will ever be the same
i knew it the moment i left
but even still i was surprised when i came
back and everything had changed.

i hope you're not mad at me
i see your disappointment when i close my eyes
i hope one day you'll see
and maybe then we can stop with all of the goodbyes

when i was little
i never even questioned love or if i would ever find it.
every princess always ended up with the prince
every story a happy ending.
now im questioning if
love even exists.

its hard to believe in
something like love
when you watch the
people closest to you
fall further and further
out of it
every day.

im no cynic
but sometimes i
really do wonder
if love can really
last a lifetime

i think it's pretty crazy, how
you can think about someone
for hours and the only word you can come up with is "wow"
because there are no words to describe them. absolutely none.
you know what i mean, you're thinking of them now.
they light up your world, even brighter than the sun.

it's even crazier that they may not even know
they have this effect on you.
they don't know that where ever you go
you think about them and everything they do.
you try to be discreet and keep it on the low,
but you hope maybe, just maybe, they're thinking of you too.

people think of happiness
too much in terms of
a destination
and not enough
in terms of
a feeling

i toss and turn.
in my memory, i feel you burn.
the look on your face
keeps me locked in place
i try to help, i try to scream
but i no longer can. now you're just a dream.

Recently I haven't been able to sleep.
There's no sound
not even a peep.
Except for that memory I found
deep in my mind, where it keeps
me up. It keeps me bound
to that moment and slowly seeps
out and my head begins to pound.
I slowly begin to weep
as I fall to the ground.

im sorry for hurting you
i never meant to
but i did anyways and
i cant take it back.
hurting you hurts me more than anything.
im sorry.
im sorry.
im not asking for your forgiveness or understanding.
im just sorry.
and i wish i could tell you this.

do you ever feel
like you messed something up so bad
that for a minute it doesn't feel real
but then you remember the feeling you just had
you hurt someone in a way they can't heal
and you can tell they're very sad
and you really wish you didn't have to deal
with yourself because you're too mad

do you know that feeling
where you can feel the tears
coming up your throat
begging to come out
and you do everything you can
to keep it in
but you just can't.
they start slow but
build fast and you try not to make a sound
but you do.

every time i try to fix something
i either make it worse
or create a different mess
i dont know if its me
or the world
but something isnt right

everything i touch
everywhere i go
everything i do
i ruin it all.

that one moment
you wish you could take back
that moment you hurt the person
that cares about you
more than anything.
i wish i could
have that moment back.

people always tell
you that you should be
optimistic. never yell;
wait and see;

good things come
to those who wait;
you are only dumb
if you do nothing but hate.

cliches we've all heard
that are supposed to make
us feel better. the words
that are supposedly "all it takes".

but positive thinking leads you on
and can only result in
disappointment. gone
are the days where optimism wins.

it's easy to tell yourself
that you don't need something
or someone.
it's hard to actually believe
that you don't.

it's pretty ironic how you
call it a crush
i used to think it was due
to that feeling you get, the rush.

when just thinking of him makes
you blush and feel
butterflies. you dream of him and it takes
waking up to remember he is actually real.

hearing his name
can make you smile
like nothing else. trying to tame
that feeling will take a while.

when he sees you and gives a smile and wave,
you feel extremely happy.
and that moment you will save,
despite it being sappy.

but then you see him one day
with somebody new.
he looks at her in the way
that you wish he looked at you.

you turn away because you can't bear to watch the rest,
and you swear you heard
your heart being smashed to pieces in your chest
and you realize that crush is the right word.

whenever i write
i have to write the title last.
i am never sure where
my story is going to go
and i don't want a title
holding me back from writing
whatever i want.
i guess sometimes
people don't realize just how
limiting a title can be.

i sat today thinking about time
and how it changes
and makes the rest of it change
along with it.
how selfish, i thought
at first. the fact that
time feels the need to bring
the rest of us with it as
it leaves one state and
becomes another.
then i realized time just
doesn't want to be the only one
who has to change
every day.
hour.
minute.
and while change can be bad.
it can also be good.

I used to think we’d end up together.
That day I kissed you
And you kissed me back.
When we were in the ocean
And you pulled me closer.
That night we held hands
And you smiled at me and I thought I saw forever.

I knew you had a girlfriend.
I knew you had been together for two years.
I knew you didn’t think we’d end up together.
I knew you didn’t see me that way.
I knew it was just for that week.

but you let me believe that we’d end up together.
i saw you with your girlfriend last week
and i felt my heart
fall from its place in my chest
onto the ground.
i forced a smile when i approached you
but i left as soon as i could
because i let myself fall for you.

i met another boy the other day.
he likes me and he’s cute and he’s sweet.
i kissed him like i kissed you that day.
the day when I thought we’d end up together.

Last night I dreamt
That You were here with me
That You left that girl
And realized I was The One
For You.
You kissed me
And I swear, for a moment
It felt real.
So much passion could not
Just be a dream.
But seconds later I woke up
And I checked my phone
Only to see that she posted a picture
With You.
I laid back down and
Closed my eyes,
Because that's when I realized,
My dreams are the only place
That You and I are together.

realizing that you mean nothing
to someone who means
so much to you
isn’t the worst feeling.
the worst feeling is
thinking they love you
as much as you love them
only to have them
turn their back on you
when you
needed them.
the worst feeling
is giving third
and fourth
chances to them
only to have them repeatedly
b r e a k
you. the worst is
having to continuously
tell yourself that it will get better
when it won’t.

For the first time
In a long time
I cried.
I cried myself to sleep
And once I was done
I cried again
And again
Until I had no more tears.
It felt good
And bad.
And now I feel like
Crying.