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Feb 2023 · 666
sunset
brinn Feb 2023
and so you decided
to drive down to see
if you could find the end of the sunset
like you always dreamed


it hurt to watch the sky get dark
and know that the light took you with it
i could never chase the sunset.
instead i wait here, for the beautiful sunrise.
Feb 2023 · 184
Nothing to you
brinn Feb 2023
I remember when you told me
like it was yesterday
I remember that feeling
and I remember the way
I could barely breathe

Reality hit me in the face
I touch my cheek to feel
The sting is fresh and red
It was surreal
being knocked to the ground like that

I look for something to drown it in
but I'm left without it, choking down the pill
I'm nothing, nothing at all to you
and if it was your goal to ****
I'm dead, as I've always been to you.
brinn Feb 2023
I've never said those words out loud.
I've never felt those words, not truly.
But once they were spoken, they couldn't come back.
And those words were true when they left my mouth.

I knew you didn't feel the same way.
I knew that saying those words wouldn't change anything.
We both knew from the beginning
this wasn't a good idea.

If I hadn't spoken those words
Would I feel any better when I watched you leave?
Replaying over and over how I feel
I don't regret anything.
Feb 2023 · 103
My Sunshine
brinn Feb 2023
It never rained when we were together.
I realized this morning, when I woke up to the sound
Of soft raindrops splashing against my window.

I don't recall a time
When I would wake up to that gray, gloomy sky
While I was lying with you.

A day filled with sunshine
Has always been my favorite.
Warmth, light, and life fills the air.

But I realized that sunshine can be deceptive.
Hiding the burns, the exhaustion, and the pain
That screams for a change.

I lay back down and listen to the rain
The rhythmic water providing a fresh start
And I've never heard a more beautiful sound.
Feb 2022 · 101
4am thoughts
brinn Feb 2022
as i lay down
and stare at you in the dark
all i can wonder is why

why is so hard for me
to reach out
to lean on you for support

why do i guard myself
pretend i'm okay when i'm not
and hide away when you get too close

why can't i want more
for you to be mine
and me to be yours

why does it hurt
when you're away
and when you're here
Feb 2022 · 115
to all of our lasts
brinn Feb 2022
one day it will happen


we'll share our last conversation
we'll laugh together one more time
we'll sit in a comfortable silence
we'll look to each other and smile

we'll get in one last fight
we'll say things we wish we never did
we'll storm away to be alone
we'll wait for the other to be the first to apologize

we'll cry to each other for the final time
we'll try to provide the support that we need
we'll hurt at the thought of each other in pain
we'll wish we could take it away

we'll look into each others eyes for the last time
we'll remember everything we've been through
we'll feel like it wasn't enough time
we'll hold on to each other forever


one day it will be the last
Nov 2021 · 124
what do you see?
brinn Nov 2021
when you look at me
i feel like you see what's really there
i feel like you see through me
and it's terrifying.

i'm not sure why.
i feel a connection between us
but maybe it's just me.
but being with you makes me feel real.

i feel like i can tell you things
i only think about when i'm by myself.
like i don't have to be strong
or pretend i'm someone else.

it's a scary thought
that someone could know every part of you.
but maybe i'm starting to believe
that it wouldn't be so bad.
Nov 2021 · 100
welcome to the show
brinn Nov 2021
i can't describe how i feel
i'm not good at being vulnerable
i'm not good at being real

i think of myself as an act
saying only what's necessary
and knowing when to retract

i can't let my guard down
so you'll only see my character
and heavy is the head that wears the crown

but i need to protect me
i'm the only one who will
in this life, there is no "we"

so feel free to come watch my performance
just don't say i didn't warn you
when the curtain inevitably closes
Jan 2021 · 123
my mind is my prison
brinn Jan 2021
it’s hard when you realize
that you are the one
secluding yourself
and pushing your own back against the wall.

that you could have everything
if only you would reach out
and grab it
but for some reason you can’t.

no amount of logic
can change it.
you recognize the self sabotage
and continue betraying yourself.

you want to scream and cry
and tell yourself to stop.
but you can’t move on the outside.
you’re completely numb.
brinn Dec 2020
i look at you
and i know you what you want me to see.
you want me to think
you’re extremely happy
and better now than ever.

but that’s not what i see.
i see what’s really there.
you’re still living in your own shadow.
i hope one day
you find your way out of the darkness.
Nov 2020 · 84
We’ll Never Be The Same
brinn Nov 2020
it hurts
because i know
it will never be the same.

all the secrets we shared
the laughs and the little moments
and the support we gave each other.

even if things get better
i can’t ever forget this
and now we’ll always have this distance.
Nov 2020 · 91
don’t forget i love you
brinn Nov 2020
i hope that you’re happy
i hope you laugh everyday
i know this sounds sappy
since we’ve gone our separate ways

but i want you to smile
even brighter than before
i know it’s been a while
since i walked out that door

i hope you realize now
that it wasn’t meant to be
i hope you know how
it wasn’t easy for me

the truth is i miss you
i honestly really do
i’ll always love you too
but we both needed something new.
Nov 2020 · 72
the moment i realized
brinn Nov 2020
when you didn’t stop me
when i started walking away
from you and out of your life

when i finally had enough
and decided to leave
and you let me

when i had tears in my eyes
at the thought of the end
and you turned your head

when it broke my heart
walking away from you
and you didn’t follow

that’s when i realized
i was making the right choice
leaving you behind.
Nov 2020 · 81
why
brinn Nov 2020
why
you turned your poison
and treacherous thoughts
into a part of me
that i can’t get rid of.
Nov 2020 · 78
goodbye.
brinn Nov 2020
and it hurts.
letting go of someone
who you have held onto
for longer than you should’ve.
but you can’t save someone
who doesn’t want
to be saved.
brinn Aug 2020
everything.

that’s what you were
to me.

you were the sun
and stars at night.
you were the moon
my guiding light.

you were the grass
and you were also the snow.
you were the path
that showed me where to go.

you were my music
and you were the air.  
you were the wind
blowing through my hair.

but that’s the thing about everything.
when you left

i had nothing.
brinn Jul 2020
it’s unfair, really.  
to expect someone to read a book
without being able to open it.
to understand the characters and the plot
without reading a single word.

all this time
i thought i was helping
by keeping that book closed
and holding it out of anyone’s reach.

but i didn’t help.  
now my story doesn’t have an end.
Jul 2020 · 108
disappearing reflection
brinn Jul 2020
the thing is
when she looked in the mirror
she could see herself disappearing.
she felt her skin fading into transparency.
she saw the color drain from her eyes
and the life that once excited her,
vanish from her body.

each mirror she passed by,
more of herself was gone.
no one else seemed to notice.

until they all did.
Jul 2020 · 104
what i wanted
brinn Jul 2020
i know you don’t care.

and really, it’s fine.
it’s what i wanted.
what i asked for.

the funny thing,
about finally getting what you want
is that most of the time

you realize you don’t want it.
Jul 2020 · 97
good enough
brinn Jul 2020
“when will i be good enough?”

a question i’ve repeated
at least a million times in my life.

i wanted to be good enough
for someone to love me
truly
and good enough to love them back.

i wanted to be good enough
to pursue my dreams
to take chances
and actually live.

i wanted to be good enough
to not question myself everyday.
every decision.
to feel accomplished in being me.

but when you’re constantly
reminding yourself
that you are not yet good enough,

you will never be enough.
May 2020 · 95
best i can do
brinn May 2020
and for you
i offer my heart
i know
it’s not much
but
it’s the best i can do
May 2020 · 84
:)
brinn May 2020
:)
it’s the kind of smile
that hurts.
you know the one,
the painful yet
unavoidable one.

that inevitable feeling.
just smile through the pain.
May 2020 · 85
someday
brinn May 2020
there will be a day
when i finally
find the courage

i’ll work up the nerve
and let it all out.

this cloud that’s been
building up in my mind
will rain down

someday.
May 2020 · 114
my mistake
brinn May 2020
i was stupid
to be so naïve
and think
that i was different.
because you don’t
care.

we all hurt the same to you.
May 2020 · 89
stay away.
brinn May 2020
i don’t know what’s wrong with me.

i’m not sure
if i’m trying to hurt
you or someone else.
or maybe myself.
but there tends to be
destruction
left in my path.

i don’t know what’s wrong with me.
May 2020 · 79
Storm Chaser
brinn May 2020
as the rain falls
i watch out the window
at the storm i created

the thunder breaks
after a few minutes
of trying to hold it back

i did it to myself
and i’ll do it again.
it’s only in my nature.
brinn May 2020
that fire
it burns deep down
lighting up your desire
all over town.

you gave me a flower
i remember the one you chose,
it made me feel power,
that beautiful rose.

the apple of my eye.
at least that’s what i thought
before you said goodbye,
but i remember the warmth you brought.

it makes me feel sick
that cherry flavor taste,
though it is not the chapstick;
it’s because my love went to waste.

now i see the blood drip
from my heart and into your hand.
it matches that color on your lip.
i have no feet left to stand.

i’m still trying to figure out how
i ate the lies you once fed.
you can take back your rose now.
i hate the color red.
May 2020 · 79
unconditional
brinn May 2020
it hurts
more than usual
when the one
who’s supposed to love you
unconditionally
tells you
their conditions
May 2020 · 90
sorry isn’t enough
brinn May 2020
the words you threw
felt like daggers
they pierced my skin
and sunk deep in my heart
the blood is still dripping
onto the floor

your sorry and smile
trying to mend what you did
can’t take back
the hole that’s in my heart.
it’s something that
doesn’t heal.
May 2020 · 94
you hurt us both
brinn May 2020
you’re mad
because i left

i don’t think you remember
that you’re the one
who drove me away
May 2020 · 85
you won’t see the rain.
brinn May 2020
i don’t care what you do
you won’t see the rain.
you could create the biggest storm
but you won’t see a drop.

it’s been raining a lot lately
and it is because of you
the way you threw everything away
it broke through the clouds.

but you won’t see those raindrops.
not on my face  
i will give you lightning and thunder
but you will never see the rain.
May 2020 · 74
what’s she like
brinn May 2020
she's outgoing and loud
yet completely reserved
she draws people in
but won’t go near them
she’s intelligent and witty
yet stupid and frustrating
she is authentic and real
but incredibly insecure
she’s honest and tough
but she is also really sensitive.

she is everything she loves
but she’s also everything she hates.
May 2020 · 77
“i’m fine”
brinn May 2020
it’s funny
in a twisted way
when you finally realize
that you’re not fine
and that you have been lying.

lying to your friends
putting on a smile
pushing down that feeling
hoping that by ignoring it
it might actually leave.

lying to your family
the people who can see
something is wrong.
but no one can help
if you don’t help yourself.  

worst of all
lying to yourself
thinking that you could trick yourself
into believing those words.
but you can’t.
Jan 2020 · 2.6k
seashell
brinn Jan 2020
your smile
reminds me of seashell.

it’s pretty
beautiful, actually.
you may think
it looks like every other seashell  
but it doesn’t.
your seashell is special.

i want to keep it
all to myself.
but i know it’s selfish to
find a beautiful seashell
and take it, keeping it
locked up on a shelf.

it makes me feel
like i’m home.
that seashell reminds
me of all the times
i’ve spent in the place
i love the most.

but when you look
inside
it’s completely hollow.
there’s nothing behind
that seashell.
it’s sad just how empty it is.
Jan 2020 · 114
to: my heart
brinn Jan 2020
i pick you up
and carry you along
you must weigh
about a thousand pounds
right now.

when people look
they can’t tell
that i’m using all my strength
to lift you up.

you’re hurting right now,
i know.
i am too.

you’re heavier than before.
but we’ll get through this.

we always do.
Jan 2020 · 95
i’ll be waiting
brinn Jan 2020
i'm still thinking
about you.
about us.
but we can’t be together
right now.  
and that’s fine.
i’ll be waiting
right here.
Jan 2020 · 60
starting over
brinn Jan 2020
starting over
is scary.
not knowing
what the future holds
is terrifying.
and that’s exactly why
i’m excited.
Jan 2020 · 79
my hopes for you
brinn Jan 2020
im thinking of you
that’s nothing new
i hope you smile
i haven’t seen it in a while

i hope you are having fun
without you i have none
i hope you sleep well
because you make my heart swell

i know i was dumb to fall
but most of all
i hope you’re okay
now and everyday.
Jan 2020 · 65
prideful
brinn Jan 2020
pride.

it’s important.
at least i tell myself that.

i’ve always had
too much of it though.
and that’s why i
pushed you
and everyone else
away.
Jan 2020 · 59
None
brinn Jan 2020
No place.
I have none.
I go from location
to location.

Hoping one
will feel like home.
Wishing I could
feel like I belong.

But no place
Reaches out to me.
None belong to me
and I belong to none.
Jan 2020 · 170
i miss me
brinn Jan 2020
i miss me
which sounds stupid.
and i know that.
but i used to be different.
i used to have
ambitions and dreams.
i used to think
anything was possible.

i was happy.

and now i have
none of that.
i don’t even feel like a person.
i don’t even feel.
i used to be me.
Jan 2020 · 89
sad
brinn Jan 2020
sad
i’m sad
just kind of
sad.
not really sure.
i’m not sure
if i’m sad inside
or just out.
Jan 2020 · 90
i can’t
brinn Jan 2020
i wish i could say
what’s on my mind
but right now
i can’t even speak
Jan 2020 · 56
stormy weather
brinn Jan 2020
the tears continue to fall down
drip drip drip
steady as rain

i try to stop them but my heart beats loud
boom boom boom
loud as thunder

i reach out but no one is there
i feel a chill and shiver
cold as a blizzard

my thoughts run wild
and i feel my mind dissociate
wild as a tornado
Jan 2020 · 62
Yourself
brinn Jan 2020
I can’t believe
how stupid I’ve been.
Everyone told me
to stay clear and
that the only one
you cared about
was yourself.

I said I knew
they were all wrong,
it’s different with me.
But I was wrong.
They were all right.
You didn’t
and you don’t
care about anything
but yourself.
Jan 2020 · 62
love sick
brinn Jan 2020
i knew right after it happened.
i felt my heart swell and grow inside my chest.
my cheeks burned hot
and my mind went blank.
there was no mistaking this feeling.

i hadn’t felt it in a while
i kind of hoped i never would again.
but you changed that with one look.
my hands got clammy
and my stomach did backflips.

and once it starts
there is no stopping it.
not until it ran its course.
i wonder if you realize
just how sick you made me.
Jan 2020 · 54
searching
brinn Jan 2020
i have been searching
for days and days now
i have been looking for
something i cannot find.
i've read hundreds of poems
listened to hours of songs
watched countless movies
all hoping that i could find it.

it’s pointless, really.
because none of them
have what i’m looking for.
not even my own words can
describe what my heart feels
at this moment.
the only thing that can
is your smile.
Dec 2019 · 98
butterflies
brinn Dec 2019
the butterflies
i hadn’t felt them in a while
but today
all it took was your smile

they came fluttering back
and my cheeks flushed red
when you looked at me
i got crazy thoughts in my head

standing next to you
is all it took
my heart burst open
when you gave me that look

the butterflies have not stopped
and i just want to know when,
they’re waiting and praying
for me to see you again.
Dec 2019 · 228
I know.
brinn Dec 2019
I know.
I’m naive
I’m gullible
I’m daydreaming
I’m out of my mind.
I know.

I know what you do to me.
But I don’t care.
As long as I get to be near you.
Dec 2019 · 73
nonstop
brinn Dec 2019
its been 24 hours
thinking of you
nonstop.
i know i should try not to
because i’m going to
end up hurt.
but i just can’t
so we’ll go 24 more.
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