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brinn Jan 2019
i hate that every time i see you
i think you feel the same
i hate that i think these scenarios could be true
i hate that i only have myself to blame

i hate that i build you up inside my head
i hate that your smile makes me feel high
i hate the words i still haven't said
i hate that i continue to try and try

i hate that i can't make you see me
in the way that i see you
i hate that no matter how hard i plea
you won't notice the things i do

but most of all the thing i hate
is the hold you have on me and
the simple fact that i would wait
forever just to hold your hand.
brinn Mar 2019
i should be sleeping
it's 2:52
i shouldn't be weeping
or thinking of you

i can't help it
though i wish that i could
so here i sit
and i wish that you would

come over and tell me
you can't believe you didn't see it before
you realized how happy we could be
we'll have everything and more

but that's all in my head
i'm far too late
i lay back in my bed
and try to fall asleep at 2:58
brinn Dec 2019
I wished upon a star
last night, when I should’ve been asleep
I wished to be where you are
and for your heart, for me to keep

but when I awoke
you were not around
a few tears I had to choke
at the disappointment I found

so on night number two
I wished on the moon
I said I would do anything I had to do
for you to get here soon

you can imagine my dread
after a week without you
you’re still in my head
but my wish still hasn’t come true

so I decided to wish upon the sun
maybe that’s what I need
I said “please grant my wish, I only have one”
and for another hour I continued my plead

I couldn’t believe when
the next day, there you were!
but someone else must’ve been
wishing, because you were with her.
brinn Mar 2019
i felt it immediately

my jaw dropped
my hands froze
my heart sank

i had been in denial for days
saying that it couldn't be true
you could never hurt me like that

i feel so dumb
thinking of how oblivious i was
how safe i thought we were

because at 8:04 pm
you broke my heart
brinn Jan 2019
i don't blAme you
for wanting to do
things without me

lateLy it's just
that when yOu're
i havE nobody.
brinn Jan 2019
and no it won't always
be easy
there will sometimes be hard days
but you will get through them
brinn Feb 2019
he was as bright as a star
he spoke endless dreams
he walked like the ocean
he smiled sunshine
he laughed like a bonfire
he dreamt in colors
he adventured like summer nights
his scent a field of daisies
and his warmth as soft as a puppy

he was everything
and more
brinn Jan 2019
i'm trying to better myself.
sometimes it makes me feel great.
i think of all the things i'm going
to accomplish and do to make
me a better version of me.

but other times i get really down
and i can't find the motivation to
do anything. anything at all.
i feel useless and sad and dumb.
and i start from square one
all over again.
brinn Jan 2019
that one moment
you wish you could take back
that moment you hurt the person
that cares about you
more than anything.
i wish i could
have that moment back.
brinn Dec 2019
the butterflies
i hadn’t felt them in a while
but today
all it took was your smile

they came fluttering back
and my cheeks flushed red
when you looked at me
i got crazy thoughts in my head

standing next to you
is all it took
my heart burst open
when you gave me that look

the butterflies have not stopped
and i just want to know when,
they’re waiting and praying
for me to see you again.
brinn Jan 2019
im no cynic
but sometimes i
really do wonder
if love can really
last a lifetime
brinn Jan 2019
nothing will ever be the same
i knew it the moment i left
but even still i was surprised when i came
back and everything had changed.
brinn Feb 2019
he was like a cigarette

bad for me
even though it feels good
and i knew i shouldn't
but i took a drag

and just like that

i'm buying packs
every other day
and smoking whenever i can
i feel my lungs
crying and begging me to stop

but i can't
i can't stop
i can't stop loving him
brinn Dec 2019
the way you say hello
makes me yellow
your cheesy grin and wink
make me feel so pink

my heart that you steal
it feels like teal
i swear it should be a crime
the way you make me feel lime

how you make me swoon
feels like maroon
and your hand i get to hold
makes me feel like gold

but talking to you
can make me feel so blue
the words that you said
burn, bright red

what I’ve just seen
makes me green
seeing you in this light,
has turned me to white

when you left that day
it made me gray
i wish you’d come back
because now all I feel is black.
brinn Dec 2018
it's pretty ironic how you
call it a crush
i used to think it was due
to that feeling you get, the rush.

when just thinking of him makes
you blush and feel
butterflies. you dream of him and it takes
waking up to remember he is actually real.

hearing his name
can make you smile
like nothing else. trying to tame
that feeling will take a while.

when he sees you and gives a smile and wave,
you feel extremely happy.
and that moment you will save,
despite it being sappy.

but then you see him one day
with somebody new.
he looks at her in the way
that you wish he looked at you.

you turn away because you can't bear to watch the rest,
and you swear you heard
your heart being smashed to pieces in your chest
and you realize that crush is the right word.
brinn Jan 2019
do you know that feeling
where you can feel the tears
coming up your throat
begging to come out
and you do everything you can
to keep it in
but you just can't.
they start slow but
build fast and you try not to make a sound
but you do.
brinn Oct 2018
For the first time
In a long time
I cried.
I cried myself to sleep
And once I was done
I cried again
And again
Until I had no more tears.
It felt good
And bad.
And now I feel like
brinn Jan 2019
Dear mom

I know by know you're wondering
why i haven't called.
I know you probably think
its because I forgot or don't care
about you enough.

That isn't why. I've just
been going through some stuff
lately and I don't want you to worry
and I know that if I hear your voice
I will break.

I need a break from home and
our family and all of the ****
that has happened within the past year. I wish
things could be the same as they used to be.
One thing that will never change is that I love you.
I just need space and
I think 700 miles should do the trick.

I'll talk to you soon.
brinn Feb 2019
he was the kind of dream
that made you want to
stay in bed forever
even after you woke up
just thinking about it
over and over again
brinn Oct 2018
Last night I dreamt
That You were here with me
That You left that girl
And realized I was The One
For You.
You kissed me
And I swear, for a moment
It felt real.
So much passion could not
Just be a dream.
But seconds later I woke up
And I checked my phone
Only to see that she posted a picture
With You.
I laid back down and
Closed my eyes,
Because that's when I realized,
My dreams are the only place
That You and I are together.
brinn Dec 2018
it's easy to tell yourself
that you don't need something
or someone.
it's hard to actually believe
that you don't.
brinn Mar 2019
when i heard it, i stopped
it was breathtakingly beautiful
and menacingly painful
at the same time

the lyrics, a diary
the rhythm, a heartbeat
the notes were like waves, so steady and calm
the singer was like an angel, guiding me along

it made me smile
it made me cry
it made me laugh
and remember the good times

and just when i thought
the song was perfect
everything i wanted and more
that's when it ended
as every song does
brinn Jan 2019
i think its pretty funny
how the poems i hate the
are usually the ones that
succeed the most.
brinn Jan 2019
i hope you're not mad at me
i see your disappointment when i close my eyes
i hope one day you'll see
and maybe then we can stop with all of the goodbyes
brinn Jan 2019
people think of happiness
too much in terms of
a destination
and not enough
in terms of
a feeling
brinn Dec 2019
i used to think of happiness
as a destination.
some place you got after
working really hard.

you might have to endure a lot
to get there
but once you arrived you realize
it was worth it.

it took me too long
to see
happiness isn’t a place.
it’s a feeling

and if you get absorbed in
the idea of finally
reaching a point where you’re always happy,
you never will be.
brinn Jan 2019
i toss and turn.
in my memory, i feel you burn.
the look on your face
keeps me locked in place
i try to help, i try to scream
but i no longer can. now you're just a dream.
brinn Jan 2019
you have no idea how
happy it makes me
just to hear
you say
brinn Feb 2019
my highs are so high
and truly captivating
they almost make me forget

that my lows
brinn Jan 2019
i left home
or at least the place i'd always called home
it's been almost 6 months
i love the place i'm in right now
but somethings missing
i don't know what it is
but i know there's something that's just not there
and now i don't belong where i came from
and i don't belong here.
brinn Jan 2019
How can i live
Unpunished and full of
Regret after what i did

brinn Jan 2
i wish i could say
what’s on my mind
but right now
i can’t even speak
brinn Dec 2019
I know.
I’m naive
I’m gullible
I’m daydreaming
I’m out of my mind.
I know.

I know what you do to me.
But I don’t care.
As long as I get to be near you.
brinn Jan 6
i miss me
which sounds stupid.
and i know that.
but i used to be different.
i used to have
ambitions and dreams.
i used to think
anything was possible.

i was happy.

and now i have
none of that.
i don’t even feel like a person.
i don’t even feel.
i used to be me.
brinn Feb 2019
sometimes when
i listen to love songs
i think of you

okay i lied

i always think of you
brinn Jan 2019
i want the ability
to say things that are on my mind.
not just random thoughts or small talk.
i want to say the things that i actually think about.

i want to be able to say how i'm scared
that i'm going insane and i don't even
know it, but even if i did, there is nothing i
could do to stop it.

i want to be able to say how i don't believe
that eternal love exists because no matter
what, there will be a point where you are
torn apart by the things that brought you together.

i want to say that sometimes i cry because i feel
so lost all the time and i don't feel like anyone
can understand that the way i do, because i just
feel alone all the time.

i want to say i think it's ******* that we have to
spend so much of the little time we have
doing things that we hate and the only
response to that is "that's how the world works."

i want to be able to say that my family is
falling apart and that is tearing me apart and it
drives me insane that the rest of the world can go on
exactly the same while my world falls apart.

i want to say how i feel about people.
how i really feel. no *******. just honesty
and have them say how they feel about
me so i don't have to always wonder.

i want to say that i wish i was in love.
that i wish i wasn't scared to fall in love and let
someone in and scare them away by these
thoughts that control my mind.

i want to be able to say all of this
instead of having to write all of it
down in a poem that no one will
ever know about.
brinn Jan 2019
its hard to believe in
something like love
when you watch the
people closest to you
fall further and further
out of it
every day.
brinn Feb 2019
i wonder if i ever catch your eye
when i put makeup on and really try
do you ever look at me
and just love what you see?

do you smile after you see me walk by?
do you hope that i'll never cry?
i wonder because when i think of you
i'm thinking of all these things too

i think about how you smell like rain
you and your smile are always on my brain
after i see you and you stop and wave
it makes me unbelievably happy, your attention is all i crave

i think about if you came over to my place
it makes me blush and my heart starts to race
it drives me crazy how much i think of you
i wonder if you ever think of me too.
brinn Jan 2019
im sorry for hurting you
i never meant to
but i did anyways and
i cant take it back.
hurting you hurts me more than anything.
im sorry.
im sorry.
im not asking for your forgiveness or understanding.
im just sorry.
and i wish i could tell you this.
brinn Mar 2019
brinn Dec 2019
i wished you saw me.
the way i saw you.
and i couldn’t believe you didn’t see
how it hurt, how you turned me blue
but my love was always true.

the way you laughed, the way you talked
was music to my ears.
even small things, like the way you walked
made me feel as if I could conquer all my fears,
but now all of it brought me to tears.

because you didn’t feel that way
you never looked at me the same
you rolled your eyes at everything I would say,
my voice was loud, my shoes were lame,
and i was always to blame.

i tried to fight
for us, because i cared
but you always had to be right.
you just could not have bared  
a compromise, we could have never shared.

i cried when i told you that
i couldn’t do it anymore.
i looked where you sat
and realized you walked out the door
and you left me and my heart on the floor.

it took me too long
to look back and see
i did what i could, you were in the wrong
i smile as i realize i am finally free
because now i know it was you, not me.
brinn Jan 10
i'm still thinking
about you.
about us.
but we can’t be together
right now.  
and that’s fine.
i’ll be waiting
right here.
brinn Dec 2019
it’s difficult
thinking of you
with her
and happy

it’s not that I don’t
want you to be happy
I do.
I just wish it was me who made you happy.

thinking of those long summer nights
when we were together
in a room full of people
but it always felt like just us two

I know it’s my fault
I should’ve said something
done something
to show you how I felt.

but now I sit in the same room
tank tops have turned to jackets
flip flops to boots
and you’re with her, not me.

I steal a glance
or maybe two
and you’re smile
makes me break.
brinn Dec 2018
last christmas
we stood around the tree
and laughed and opened presents.
i didn't realize last christmas would be the last.
the last time we would sit in that house and eat and watch movies.
the last time we would smile at each other while
not worrying about our problems
for just that one day.
the last time
we would be a family.
the last time i would be happy.
the last time that we would all be happy.
if i had realized last christmas would be the last, i'd savor every
moment. every laugh, every bite, every
movie, every smile. i would
relive that day forever;
last christmas.
brinn Dec 2019
the cold air
can be seen
every time
we take a breath

my tears sting
as they race
down my cheeks
to soak into my scarf

my hand has
gone numb
and no longer had
yours to hold

Christmas music plays
jingling merrily
as my heart
shatters to the beat.

the words
dancing off your lips
hanging in the air
as if they were mistletoe

”i’m sorry”
i watch as you turn your back
and walk away
for the last time.
brinn Mar 2019
lately i've been
dreaming about you
a lot.
every time
i close my eyes
i see yours.
brinn Feb 2019
the thing about love
is you don't realize
until you do.

and once you do
it's all you do.
brinn Jan 2
i knew right after it happened.
i felt my heart swell and grow inside my chest.
my cheeks burned hot
and my mind went blank.
there was no mistaking this feeling.

i hadn’t felt it in a while
i kind of hoped i never would again.
but you changed that with one look.
my hands got clammy
and my stomach did backflips.

and once it starts
there is no stopping it.
not until it ran its course.
i wonder if you realize
just how sick you made me.
brinn Jan 2019
i found a penny on the ground
yesterday at eight.
the night was quiet, no sound
as i took the bait.

i picked it up and said
"it must be my lucky day"
the confidence got to my head
as i went on my way.

i saw that boy, my crush
and he looked at me and waved.
i felt my cheeks start to blush
and that moment i saved.

i got home and saw my test
was finally graded online
i looked and saw i did the best
i had ever done. the "a" was all mine.

my friend called to tell me
she got tickets to my favorite band.
i smiled and screamed with glee.
then giggled and covered my mouth with my hand.

i couldn't believe what my lucky penny did for me.
a good day like this was so rare.
i was surprised when i checked my pocket to see
the penny was never there.
brinn Jan 2019
move on
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                                                          move­ on
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                                                            mo­ve on
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                                                              ­                                              i can't
sometimes no matter how many times you tell yourself you just can't...
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