Kiddie pool adventures and...

Adults
Adults in red lab coats
They make jokes
Saying they want your eyes cause they look like eggs
Adults like yolks
They talk funny too
They call themselves folks
What I would give to be an adult
I could drive to see some people
Picture day and more
No more boring girl galore
But before I grow up I want kiddie pool adventures and dances in the mirror
Kitchen clean up from pancake disasters 
I want to run faster
You start slow 
Speed up and slow down
I want to fall down 
Get lost on a bus somewhere
Make mistakes
Fall in love 
More than once
Sit in silence
Have my own rock concerts
I want to live and become an adult
Then I'll live some more

Our stars light the sky
In the gathering dark of
A lonely city

Old poems dead and buried
In death the words deteriorated
Into things I no longer recognized
Strange arcane relics
Gateways to past minds
Awaiting to be excavated
By wandering eyes

It’s okay, I only cry sometimes, I lie,
Because being honest and admitting to
Days filled with endless tears is
Unattractive
And nobody likes a weak girl with wet eyes
Tears mean
Instability
In the eyes of stones who masquerade
As human beings.

It’s okay, I only cry sometimes, I say,
Like when reading a book and it hits me
Harder than expected
Like on drunken nights when I’m lonely and
My past haunts me
Like the times when I’m really, truly, kind of
Very happy
Or when I’m numb to everything
And sometimes when nothing at all
has happened but I’m still moody

But it’s okay,
because honestly,
*I only cry sometimes.

There is an ugliness growing within.
No matter how hard I fight, this war
I fear I can not win.
I see this optimistic world through
pessimistic eyes.
Though I search for love and truth, but
all I hear is hate and lies.
Sad...it hurts, makes me empty.
But this is no plea for help or bleeding
heart sympathy.
That which grows within are no "paisley tears"
Just festering apathy.
Because right now I have no interest in empathy or
what people think of me.
I said think not feel, because emotions are of the mind
and what does emotions have to do with mankind?
Nothing. Nothing that makes sense, some walk through life without consequence.
I feel it growing, growing stronger everyday.
This rage inside just won't go away.
My mind is on fire, my heart is cold.
Tearing and pulling at my very soul.
This ugliness...I just want to cry.
Not from sadness, but the anger in my eyes,
I can't shake it, I feel like I could  die...
from this growing ugliness inside.

Strangelove.
Some may say you're an estranged love.
Everything that ever was.
I wonder what it's like to be you,
'Cause you're all the time.
How can you...
love us the way that you do?
Knowing the terrible things we do,
Your love bemuses the mind.
I hope to,
someday find a way to be like you,
to love the world just as you do
but as for now...I have no clue.

the smell of a hospital
disinfecting hands and
identities
placed on the counter.
a passport-size ambition
a fingerprint of luck.
you have arrived.
you are here.

you came in
a bus full of languages
funnelled into the room
'welcome to - '
lost and found
in translation.
you cannot understand
you will try
to understand.

your newness.
new you.
you are new.
you do not understand
you are here.

Where did you go? And who are you now?
When I stare in the mirror, it seems upside down.
Am I someone that settled or someone that took? Advantage always seems out of reach. Why do we think, "it won't happen to me".
Are the stars we aim for so far away?
That we can't simply ask them to align
Where did you go? And who are you now?

Then it hit me:
You're my hiraeth
You never held home in your heart
Only smelled like it when you held me in your arms
You've got wanderer written inside your bones
You could never be my home
I only thought you were
Because I wanted you to be
I wanted to belong with you, inside four walls, forever
But we were meant to explode and burn
There's no caution to our love
We can't be each other's security
Our love is made of fire and stars, combusting and combusting until there's nothing left behind
But I'll let you be my hiraeth
Because you hold adventure in your eyes
Begging me with just a look "one more ride?"
And I know you've got a string tied around my heart
As i run along side

Then it hit me:
You're my ephemeral
You were never meant to last
Only held too much wisdom in your past
You're going to die before you're old
For only so long can your veins pump gold
I only thought you would last
Because I wanted you to
I wanted you to be forever, to lay here forever with me, at home
But you were meant to burn out
Live fast, love hard, and die before your time
You can't be my forever
We are made of matches and candles and rushed kisses and goodbyes
But I'll let you be my ephemeral
Because you hold knowledge in your eyes
And when I beg you "just one last ride?"
You smile as if you know it will be
Because every moment is your last