I have waded through rivers of blood
Still warm and free flowing at my feet,
To walk to you,
To walk to you.

I have scaled glaciers of broken glass
Lacerating my skin to pieces,
To get to you,
To get to you.

I have lost my voice
And a thousand others,
To call for you,
To call for you.

I have lost my vision
Scouring this barren earth.
To look for you,
To look for you.

my tired arms I would open wide in welcome
To hold you once more if you would come
And be at my side
just
once more
And be at my side
Just
Once more.

Leave your world
Bring your all
A universe to be unfurled
A realm awaiting to enthral

Climb aboard
Slide into the seat
We are what we can afford
You and I... We make
our very own fleet

Strap yourself in
Get ready for the trip
The journey we were made for
Let us begin
The odyssey of our lives
In this here spaceship

~~
For anyone
On any given day
Maybe comes back
if the familiar
Tune comes back
Of Spring in the air
In the Last
Stanza
Of Losing Lyrics

Then Maybe
Wrinkle log
In the forehead
Still old wall standing with
Hundreds of Signs
Even assuming that the mind
Speaks the poem in the
Moonlight

Maybe
If again any
Dream Embraces
Floats on the
Rafts of
Autumn Cloud
Towards the Endless

Maybe
On going
Raining of poems
Maybe discovered antiquity of
Any Romantic Creation

Maybe Finds
The Left yellow days
Lying in the mother's lap
Heard the first poem
Saw the Earth within
A new dream

In the compulsive tune
Moves to Far away
Maybe comes back
April, Springtime, Storm
Gets back the Fragrances
Of Mother's body

Maybe
Origin of Eternal Love
Causes of the
Creation of a mystery
~~

God was dead, and we killed him
We hit Him with our flashy cars,
We always imagined crashing
We breathed the devil in like rolled down windows on the highway,
Driving fast
Driving too fast
All of the times we imagined crashing those cars
Those cars we didn't own
The highways that our blood has traveled
Heart rates like revolutions of the tires
Kissing like the first high on *******
We stopped so suddenly...
Sin and heart break and youth were our excuses
You were my excuse

I felt drunk just for knowing you,
I felt drunk just with the windows down
I felt everything and nothing all together like a symphony
I felt God underneath my tires
I felt closure, I felt ending
Rebirth felt like a free fall
The devil felt like fantasy and solid ground
You felt like LSD and speeding
And I felt like crashing with the waves at the light house
And then just crashing
I felt myself being knocked out so
I whispered your name like one last puff of cigarette smoke
I tried to understand why the last cloud wasn't as powerful as the first
I wondered if God would be forgiving because I made a mistake
You were a mistake
And God was a mistake under our tires
We went too fast down that road

God was laced through the love letters we ripped up and burned
Life itself looked like fire
We showered in kerosene and played with matches
Then the friction of our tires,
We spun them fast enough to smooth the road underneath us
No one was looking at the road ahead

God made more sense as part of the highway
All of our midnight prayers had gone unanswered
He ignored every painful beg for salvation
He ignored broken bones and shattered souls
We had to sweep up the pieces by ourselves
The road fed us like stray dogs in the alleyway,
Took our spirits and poured them out for us like moonlight
We hit God at 100 miles an hour on that stretch of freedom
He felt like a wall-
Like our bodies were being crushed and our lives were over
He felt like losing everything in less than a second-
But we kept right on going down that highway
We went too fast down that road.

(To my future husband)

My hands are cracked
Maybe they will heal before this becomes important, but I just wanted to tell you
My touch will not be soft
It will be timid and hesitant
Maybe too rough
I will fall in love with your ghost,
You need to remind me that you are real and I am whole,
That there is a physical person for me to love
I need you to hold me all the time
It's not enough to tell me you're alive,
I need to hear your heartbeat
I want to memorize the sound of your breathing
I want to memorize you and I will, darling
And if I should ever forget you;
If I should wake up and feel alone;
I want you to understand that it is very lonely inside my head,
And it will be difficult for me to understand what it feels like to be "Not Alone"
I will wake you up at one am
To tell you I love you,
Before it's too late, in case it becomes too late
I will wake you up a two because I miss you,
Even though you're next to me,
Even though you're holding me.
I will never forget your favourite colours,
Or how many sugars you put in your tea
And darling, sweetie, honey, lover,
When I say forever,
I mean until the stars die.
I mean until our planet is scattered rocks and we have returned to stardust
Darling, you will be made of stardust
I don't know who you are but I will love you until I understand what love is

Please be sure to read the fine print*
My name is Lydia, but I hate my name
I buy dresses that I'll never wear,
I like to cut my hair when I get upset
I only feel pretty in the mirrors at stores
Please initial here__

I need you all twenty four hours of the day
I need you to remind me every few hours that you love me
I am terrible at accepting complements so please try very sparingly
Everything is my fault, I apologize in advance
Please initial your understanding ___

I sleep from eight to four, but I don't get up until seven,
Except when I do to get tea
Or when I don't because I'm sad
I want you to wake up with me so I can make the bed, and make you breakfast, and make you tea
Coffee gives me headaches
Please indicate that you accept these terms. Circle:
Yes, or
No

Sometimes, I will tell you I'm sad,
But for all of the times that I won't, I will tell you now
I am always sad
But I won't actually want you to know that
So when I tell you that I'm not, please let me lie to you. Once in awhile,
Please try to believe it
Initial here ___

Someday I might let you hold my hand
I will be scared and sweaty
It will feel like your first time, but it really will be mine
No matter what we do, I will be inexperienced and horrified
I am codependent and afraid of commitment
I will never be able to let you go, even if I push you away
One more initial, please ____

I will not kiss you,
But I will love you with all of myself
With this contract, all of my words
And heart
And soul are yours.
You will stain my heart just by appearing
Tatoo my mind further every second that you stay
You will draw beautiful pictures
Colour me in,
Bring me back to life and make me feel like a human again
And I will still be sad,
But you will let me glow.
I will shine for you, irredescent
If you leave, you leave scars where I tried to get the tattoos removed
However long you stay, you are permanent,
But you are lovely, even if just for that time
You will be loved,
You will be held
I will never give up...
Please sign below, indicating that you have read the terms and conditions of letting me fall in love:
___________