My life is a mess.
That is all that crosses my mind as
I lie in the grass and stare up at the crest.
What is left in this life?
Where is the rest?
This can't be it.
It can't be, because nothing fits.
I stare up into the beautiful light,
and try to find the motivation to fight.
I  just hope I can get this right.

some nights i feel like tears
that never come into being due to
dehydration from too much alcohol and
frustration from too much caring

some days i feel like takeout food
long finished and left out on a messy table
neglected by something more important and
devoured by something that only looks like hunger

but still i trudge on

All along that road...
Leaves , stones and  dust,
Love  , hate and lust.
Heart , feelings and tears,
Night , dawn and cheers.
All along that road!!!

2 and 2 are 4.
4 and 4 are 8.

But what would happen
If the last 4 was late?

And how would it be
If one 2 was me?

Or if the first 4 was you
Divided by 2?

move on
is not easy
but trust me
you can go through it
because everything
happens for a reason
a reason to make you braver
to see the future.

Pictures
old and faded
Smiles that are often faked
The flash, the outfits
The imaginary  happiness
A portrait of longing
Stereotypical family portrait
hung up in the foyer
showing family love
respect and pride
only wishes, what they want to portray on family portrait day
behind locked doors its another story
daughter has "potential"
father's dissappointed
thats all shes afraid of
his dissapointment
Her mother barely there
in the basement making jewelry
or whatever it is she does
pushing her daughter slowly away
the emotional, physical, trusting rift
grows day by day
The daughter feels alone
but can't tell anyone
her friends all love her
but shes deep in her mind
crying silently why, why, why
The family she wishes for
is up in the foyer
The family of smiling faces, loving glances
hanging up in a frame in the foyer