i killed myself.
my old self.
sometimes she likes to sneak back into the cracks in my bones,
but she's never there for long.
she knows she is not welcome there.

i killed myself.
my old self.
then i bloomed like a dandelion,
fierce and ready to conquer all.
sometimes people like to pluck me
because i'm a ****.
but weeds can be flowers too if you get to know them.

m.a.l.

Tears running down my cheeks
I saw your face
I didn't see pain in your eyes
Even though you were breaking my heart
I saw relief that you'd be rid of me
You never wanted anything serious
I guess it got to much for you
So you gave it up
And left me with my heart in my hands
So I had no other choice but to leave with a smile on my face

You knew I was crying yet you chose to leave.
You knew I was angry and you blamed me for it.
You knew I was afraid and you showed me no comfort.
You knew I was happy yet you managed to bring me down.

I knew you were crying so I chose to stay.
I knew you were angry and I understood.
I knew you were afraid and I encouraged you.
I knew you were happy so I did everything to keep you that way.

You knew I was broken yet you threw me to the ground.
I knew you were broken so I held you tight.

I loved you, yet was shown no love in return.

My, how inexplicably beautiful you are, but I cannot tell you.
You are gone, and the lights are off,
And I am alone.

This goes to all of the women who stay up late thinking about someone who hasn't treated them right. Thinking about how much hurt someone has put them through, not being able to eat, not sleeping. Not wanting to go outside or get dresssed, not feeling or trying to look pretty. Who barely have strength to dance, paint, write, compose.  Randomly crying through crooked smiles trying to hold it together. To those girls who lay in bed asking God why weren't they enough, to the girls who are begging God for the strength to deal with the mess they've been surrounded in To the women dying to feel alive again. Dying to get their soul back, dying to heal. Dying to feel like a human again.
YOU HAVE NOT BEEN TREATED THE WAY YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN TREATED, AND IT'S TIME TO TAKE YOUR POWER BACK. Your soul isn't gone, sweetheart. It is only in repair.

My heart is telling me to stay
My mind is telling me to go
My body can't decide which way to go

It's been two long years and a lot of love
My highschool lover, oh how we have come so far
We made a beautiful baby, and we own a beautiful home
We worked through it all, even when you did me so wrong

Everything is perfect, yet I feel as far from happy as I could be
Always questioning myself, wondering if I should leave
I never want to touch you, I know I'm treating you wrong
And for that i' m sorry

Today I smoked my first cigarette
Then a pack, turned too two
I've always been against it
I've reached a low
What's wrong with me? I cannot breath!

I don't want too hurt you
If I stay I may be unhappy, but if I go I may regret it
What about our daughter, she shouldn't be stuck with my problems
I wish I could just forget it

I couldn't bare too hurt you, but i'm hurting myself more
In my mind I'm fighting a terrifying war

Deep down I know my heart belongs elsewhere  
But I can't stand too let go
Too throw our perfect life away
But whats a perfect life
A perfect home
A "perfect" family
When i'm unhappy

Should I stay.. or should I go