Six Christmases ago, you were still alive.
The Christmas of 2012 was your last Christmas because you didn't survive.
That was the last Christmas that I was able to spend with you and Dad.
You died nearly three months later because the situation was so bad.

In 2012, you said it might be your last Christmas and sadly, you were right.
You shined like a star but that star faded, a star that shined so bright.
I thought you'd see more Christmases but I didn't know what the future had in store.
If I had known that it would be your last Christmas, I would've appreciated it more.

This will be the fifth Christmas that I'll be spending without you.
You always made Christmas better and that is certainly true.
The Christmas of 2012 was the last Christmas when you were still alive.
Merry Christmas Mom, I still carry you in my heart as Christmas of 2017 arrives.

It's Black Friday and I grabbed the last iPad.
When I grabbed it, it sure made people mad.
One man kicked me in the crotch and another got his foot stuck in my ***.
Black Friday turns people into beasts, they sure don't have any class.
A man said if I didn't hand over the iPad, he would kidnap my wife's mother.
I told him to take the old crow, they deserve each other.
Black Friday brings out the worst in people and that's sad.
I'll break my foot off in your *** if you try to grab my iPad.

We should be thankful to have our friends and relatives.
We should be thankful to God for every day we have to live.
When our turkeys are cooked and we start carving,
We should be thankful not to be in a part of the world where people are starving.
As we sink our teeth into the delicious pumpkin pie and tasty stuffing,
Please remember that some aren't so fortunate, they have nothing.
Before we eat our Thanksgiving meals, it would be nice for people to say Grace.
Without God, people wouldn't even exist, he is the creator of the Human Race.

Count Dracula lives in my attic and he has a casket for a bed.
He has bitten all of my family members and they're undead.
I've told many people but they don't believe my texts.
All of my family members are vampires and I'm next.

Dracula prowls during the night and returns before sunrise.
My family prowls with him but people think I'm telling lies.
I've kept the vampires away so far by locking my door and wearing garlic.
They haven't bitten me yet because they fear that I will make them sick.

I fear that sooner or later, I will be turned into a vampire.
I've looked online but I can't find a monster killer to hire.
I'm sick of hiding like a coward, I've had all that I can take.
I found a knife and I just got done carving a wooden stake.

Dracula is pounding very hard, he's trying to break down my door.
He has succeeded but I stabbed him through the heart and he just hit the floor.
Because Dracula was the original vampire, my family has died as well.
I feel so calm and relaxed because my life will no longer be a living hell.

Her name is Plum, she's six years old and she's a beauty queen.
But she and her mama are two of the dumbest people I've ever seen.
They are so dumb that they can't pronounce tornado.
Plum likes to eat her boogers and her mama is a ***.
Plum has a maybe daddy and his name is Boof.
He may not be her dad, they don't have any proof.
Plum's mama made her fight an alligator so she could get paid.
Plum won the fight by blowing up that alligator with a grenade.
This mother and daughter are a couple of hicks who are very silly.
Plum's mama is supposed to be a woman but I think she has a *****.
Plum's mama is an unfit mother and should be put under arrest.
Plum is the only six year old that I've ever seen who has *******.

If my dad had lived, he would be the big 7-0.
On this day, Dad was born seventy years ago.
Seven decades is how long he would've been alive.
But leukemia killed him, Dad did not survive.
He lost his life in 2013 on the 13th of July.
Dad would be the big 7-0 if he hadn't died.

G-O-D should stand for Great Omnipotent Dude.
When we are born again, we are renewed.
Great Omnipotent Dude is what God is and what he'll always be.
He is benevolent and noble and he means everything to me.
We should thank God for every day that we live.
It will please him if you're caring and love to give.
Our prayers are something that God doesn't ignore.
Great Omnipotent Duse is what G-O-D should stand for.