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Savannah Jane Dec 2014
that's what you have called me
since you were about
one and a half.
who knows where it came from,
I certainly don't.
unless you were telling me
that I had a pizza face.
and maybe I did.
I was only 13
maybe 14.
you were the cutest
little girl I had ever met,
of course.
you still are.
a bit of an *******.
just like your mom.
just like your aunty pizza.
but cute,
loveable,
and certainly
wonderful.
you are hilarious without knowing it
laughing along because
we were.
you are going to grow into
a fabulous woman.
I know it.
and I know i'll watch it.
I know i'll help you
grow up, make mistakes, fix mistakes.
and Lacey,
Aunty Pizza
will always be here.
even if that's not what you call me,
that's who I am.
Savannah Jane Dec 2014
"you okay?"
"no, i'm close to tears,
i'm close to a breakdown,
an anxiety attack.
i'm exhausted.
i'm falling apart
so ******* quietly
that you can't hear.
I want to scream,
god, I just want you to know.
I just can't tell you."

"i'm kinda tired, that's all"
Savannah Jane Dec 2014
LET ME DROWN IN
MY OWN SORROW
YOU DO NOT LOVE ME
THE WAY I LOVE YOU
AND IT KILLS ME
AND I'D RATHER
DROWN
IN MY SORROW
THEN BE KILLED
BY THE ONE
I LOVE SO VERY MUCH
Savannah Jane Dec 2014
i am walking across thin ice
waiting to hear that final
crack
that lets me know
i am about to plunge
deep
into the fridgid water
and i know i wouldn't even fight
to come back up
because once i go down
i cant come back up.
Savannah Jane Dec 2014
"stop"
"no you *****"
"i said stop! get off!"
"you deserve this"
"get off of me!"
"you're a tease"
"you said you loved me"
"i do love you"
'then get off of me!"
"no this is what you wanted"
"no it isn't this isn't what i wanted get off of me!"
what i should have said is in italic, what was said to me is not.
i only found the strength to push him off, which was good enough at that point.
Savannah Jane Dec 2014
i am going to scream
i am going to scream
so  ******* loud
i am going to scream
so   ******* long
i am losing my voice
i am losing my strength
i am losing my *******  *mind
Savannah Jane Dec 2014
almost two years,
oh god, two whole years
and you still *******
haunt my mind.
still wake me up at night
breathing heavily,
bathed in sweat,
crying harder than i think is possible,
screaming for you to stop,
hands off,
not yours.
i haven't been
"yours"
for almost two years
and you still
hold a knife
in my chest.
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