In my passing
what will they say
as they gather round the death display
will they shed a tear
for this pallid face
or feign a moment of silent grace
the final glances
the final sighs
the final light on sleeping eyes
the coffin closed
the voices fade
I watch them walk from Sun to shade
back to their homes
back to their lives
where perhaps a piece of me survives

To ignore the desert winds,
the beckoning of glittering gourges
and dreams of melting rocks
turning to storms of steam.

The doctor worries for me,
my lungs are filled with sand castles

This is
the last 3 a.m
of 2015*

2014 - 3 a.m
laying in bed
next to a man
who claimed to love me
and lied.

2013 - 3 a.m
laying my head
on the cold tombstone
of the man
who was supposed to be there
all my life.

2010 - 3 a.m
laying my mom's head
onto the pillow
because she was too drunk
to do it herself
and daddy didn't come home.

2009 - 3 a.m
finding a bullet
full of lead
and wondering if that
was the reason
the yelling had stopped
in my parent's bedroom.

2007 - 3 a.m
sleeping well fed
in a warm and comfy bed
as my parents kissed in the living room
and they were happy
and so was I.

2015 - 3 a.m
downing the meds
the doctor prescribed
to numb away the pain
- but, surprise
it didn't succeed
cause just as well
I can't stand to breathe.

*This is
the last
3 a.m

What haunts the hollow     hallway of dark hours
fails again. A friend,     not fear, grips me.

I will
                                                       separate
                                                      the truth
                                                 from your lies

                                                          I will
                                                       fantasize
                                                     that we are
                                                   friends forever

                                                        ­  I will
                                                         devour
                                                       the night
                                                 until day breaks

                                                          I will
                                                          wa­ke
                                                     to navigate
                                                   my life alone

                                                          I will
                                                         protect
                                                   my shrinking
                                                       ­  dignity

                                                        ­  I will
                                                         survive
                                                  these moments
                                                         ­ so say ...

                                                     *good-bye

i swirl in van gogh.
i am charcoal stains
on blue,
a smile of barbed wire
for the painter,
i am mona lisa, true.

monet, he paints me
calm waters,
water lilies floating
in solitude,
he doesn't see
the fire sprouting
in my veins.

picasso cannot stain
my heart with colour,
magritte cannot
create a masterpiece
out of my eyes.

to be immortalized
i beg in pink
lick the brush
and paint myself
alive.

end my days
in escher,
sketch myself
out of the stairway,
into the globe.

throw myself
at deaths eye,
kiss the canvas
rotten, ******,
*pretty.