There was a time

When I couldn't climb a tree
Without thinking
Of how easy it would be to
"Slip"

When I couldn't cut potatoes
Without thinking
Of how easy it would be
To slit my wrists

When I couldn't take a swim
Without thinking
Of how easy it would be
To stop swimming

There was a time
When I couldn't live
Without thinking
Of how easy it would be
*To give up

If you are wondering
Why I am sad,
Here's a few reasons

My flaws:
-Stupid
-Clumsy
-Bad with words
-Socially awkward
-Irritating
-Ugly
-A thousand other things

Good things about me:
-.....

*And you wonder why I'm sad

Turn up the silence and block out the sun,
Alone in my room, a bottle and a gun.
It goes click twice, I'll see another day,
Tears start to fall, can't carry on this way.

I used to
  Drink my face off
     'get lost' to this world

I'd stare at my insides,
   My red raw meat

Up to full speed
    I  wiped more off my chin
       Than most others drink

    Life was going down the tube
And I wasn't helping the situation none

Everywhere I went I wore out any welcome
  My rude, angry self, had no restraint at all

The face left me
   Was nothing I could live with
     I  had to clean my act up,
       Make me a more presentable me
           Blend in with those  I chose as my peers

Imagine that,
No more 'Bums Rush'
No more bloodied noses
No more " Here's your Hat, what's your hurry"

She kissed my subconscious, tainted with but
a breath upon my dreams, seducing me with
lucid terrors that bled into thoughts as If real,
her breath was the sand of convulsions as I
Arched with confusion to why me she kissed  

Night embraced me, its talons penetrated softly,
Leeching upon a soul. Could I elate to what was
wisps and what was actually real. She gave me
breadcrumbs to follow but unknown mouldy,
Decay was the path I took unbeknown.

The trees tugged upon my dream self, but I bled
In the real world, like a drizzle my blood seeped
Slowly on to the sheets below, fingerprints are
Memories on my soul.  she relished that the terrors
That were shadows now scratching I wasn't alone.

She kissed my subconscious, tainted with but
A breath upon my dreams, did she want to steal
Me away, or feast on the darkness that's now like
A vine dreaming waiting to birthed in to my waking
Days, I am in transit neither asleep nor awake.