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Oh.
"Oh"
that is the sound I made when you told me you liked me
the sound I made when you asked me out
when you said "I love you"
when you touched me
when you said you felt i was distant
when you left me
when you ripped my heart into a million pieces and left me for dead
when you told me you were getting back with him
when you told me he was so much better
when he left you
when you stopped talking
when you left

you didnt like me. you liked the idea of being liked, loved.
you knew i was a rebound.
You said "I hate you" and meant it, but "I love you" felt fake
you felt like him. i hate you for that.
i was closer to you than anyone. i left everyone for you.
you chose to leave
you hurt me
god it hurt.
i told you i was proud of you and him.
he finally realized how awful you were.
your silence filled my ears
and then you were gone.
F
 Mar 27 PhantomDreamer
Zeno
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡠⠀⡄⢠⠀⢄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣤⣶⠟⢠⣾⡇⢸⣷⡄⠻⣶⣤⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀­⠀⠀⠀⠚⠛⠛⠃⠐⠛⠛⠃⠘⠛⠛⠂⠘⠛⠛⠓⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⢻⠏⢠⣿⣷⡄⠹⣿⠋⣠⣶⣿⣿⣶⣄⠙⣿⠏⢠⣾⣿⡄⠹⡟⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⠛­⣛⠋⠀⠋⠀⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠀⠙⠀⠙⣛⠛⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
╔═══════════════════════╗
⣰⡟⠀⠈⢻⣆⠀⣴⠟⠉⠀⠀⠉⠻⣦­⠀⣰⡟⠁⠀⢻⣆
⣿⣦⣤⠤⣴⣿⣴⣿⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣿⣦⣿⣦⠤⣤⣴⣿
╚═══════════════════════╝

I don't know what I was looking for,
in the honey draped lights flashing
in my eyes
And the sound of music
that keeps on playing and playing

And the wind that laps over my face
as the world turns,
Like horses running on axis,
weaving through the lines of shadow
and fireworks
And in their trail, I found
stardust that shimmers and shimmers

I found it confusing sometimes
In the endless mirrors and lights
that spirals in my mind
Like vines coiled around poles
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀  ⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀     ⠀⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⠀⠀⢠⣾⣦⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⠀⠀⢠⣾⣦⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣀⣉⣀⣴⣿⠋⠙⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣀⣉⣀­⣴⣿⠋⠙⠃⠀
⠀⢰⡟⢠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⡟⢠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠘⠃⢸⡿⠀⠀⣀⠀⠀⠹⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⠃⢸⡿⠀⠀⣀⠀⠀⠹⡇­⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠘⠃⠀⠀⣿⠀⠀⠀⠑⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⠃⠀⠀⣿⠀⠀⠀⠙⠀⠀⠀

And the looming sweetness that lingers,
like pink foam swirling in my mouth

I smiled towards the dying sunset,
thinking it would last forever
I try not to close my eyes
and not be blinded
by the world slowly slipping
away

Before the music dies
Before the yellow stars burn out
You might not hear my voice
or even remember my name
But I just want you to know that

I was here

════⊹⊱✦⊰⊹════════⊹⊱✦⊰⊹════
⠀⠀⠀⠀⢤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⡤⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀­⠀⢰⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⡆⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠈⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠁⠀
if i were to close my eyes
take away the pain
i could fly
like a bird
not a plane
id reach the moon
the stars
the sky
i close my eyes
and i can fly
fly
Breathe in, breathe out

I am not quite sad

For I am not without

You are by my side

Even though it's

Different this time

And your happiness

Is my source of pride

I don't care that you

Are not mine

All I want

Is you to

Be fully

Happy
just keep smiling for me - Mune
Shall I give you everything you long for in this life.
knowing you don't deserve it?

Shall I tear myself from limb to limb
Rip the nerves from my muscles.
Split my skin and my core apart.
count each and every bone;

For it is all yours.

To be loved by you,
is equal to being torn apart.
My love like flesh, ripped to shreds.
When you took the colors of my world with you
with every cut, every bite, every word-formed weapon against me

I laid there frigid, empty, and bare.

The last few beats of my heart
were dedicated to you.

My last breaths spoke your name.

Sorting through my limbs.
Analyzing my own skin.
Drowning in the blood from my own flesh.
Looking under every *****.
My demise is your doing.
How strange it isn't an ounce of your soul
left over in my own remains.
I resent you now, look what you turned me into ????
 Mar 26 PhantomDreamer
Cyril
I simply want the world to end.
3.25.25.
dear mom,

when i was born to a 16 year old, do you think it was my plan to hurt you? to ruin you? i made your life hell, i know. but this was out of my control.
mommy i love you
mommy look im reading
look how smart i am
look how good i am
look how nice i am
look how kind i am
see how tired i am
see how lonely i am
how alone
how sickly
mommy why wont you answer me
have i done something wrong?
i did everything for you.
no matter how hard i tried it was never enough.
when daddy came back to get me
you fought
you genuinely loved me
and i never wanted to see him
i loved you
daddy had left
hurt me
hurt you
but as soon as you won
didnt you cry?
wish i had been taken?
i remember that night you prayed to god for me to go away
how i was hurting you
you were my age when you had me
nearly an adult
adult enough to go to that party
to go find your man friend
to lie and say you coud drink
but what happened?
daddy forgot he hated condoms.
forgot he didnt like consent
yet it was my faut after
im sorry mommy
im sorry i wasnt good enough.
fast forward me 2019
taking it out on my grades and never happy
put on a mask for the parents and bottle up my sorrow study and work til i see the light of tomorrow
suddenly im 13
hardly 3 days clean
picking up scraps and taking pills i cant seem
to pronounce the names of
my grades are slipping
my life crumbling
im turning fifteen in 3 weeks
its like you dont even know me.
like you kept having kids to fil the void
stopl hurting me
i didnt deserve it
i was always good
i did everything to make you happy

love,
Holly
a letter to my mom
 Mar 26 PhantomDreamer
E
Am I even real?
my head hurts just
trying to think about it

You say I'm not
and I suppose I am
supposed to believe you

But if I'm not real
then what am I
and why am I here?

It hurts to try and remember
and you're calling me the wrong name
don't recognize the person in the mirror

Wasn't I somewhere else before?
Do I know your name?
Why can't I remember?

It's dizzying to try and keep track
of every time I lose track
and every time I forget

You make fun of me
for not remembering
but I don't know you

And I'm starting to wonder
if I'm even real
here any more

Am I supposed to be?
or should I just
learn to fade away

It's all so bright
then too dark
I think I might be dying

Or just... fading
passing out
and waking up again

somewhere new
new people
and new names

But I still don't recognize
the face in the mirror
and I don't know my name
DID?OSDD
:/
 Mar 26 PhantomDreamer
E
We have heard but not yet truly learned
of the truths that hide in the darkness

The true and quiet solemnity
of cold and quiet death

It is with nothing short of dread
that the dawn breaks and the sun rises

The light ever reaching yet still hesitates
to shine on the still warm figure of death

There is no joy in finding the light of the sun
and the only comfort of the dark may be that your cries are not heard

We are not yet truly understood but so alone instead
there lacks a point of joy in this long drudge of life

And yet we carry on for some reason
pushing hard against the unyielding walls of misery

For what joy comes from the misery of unyielding
woes that persist in spite of the laughter in the room

There is no real hope that lies between these walls
and yet you push on for not
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