there's an anchor weighing me down.
it won't let me change the course,
but it also won't let me drown.
it makes sure that the water stagnates
as rust compromises the fuel tanks.
losing buoyancy at a rising rate,
somehow staying afloat just to spite me.
i should find the leak and ignite it,
i should let someone else decide now,
but i've been patching holes in the hull.
some would call it a waste of time,
i guess i'm not ready to drown yet.

I know it can get dark sometimes.
Being alone with the thoughts in your mind.
I know you might be giving up on hope.
Give me a moment to say that you’re not alone.

Please don’t give up on the fight.
I know it can be tough somedays, sometimes.
And some things are just a lesson to learn
and pass by.
You change the song at any time.
Write the next chapter in the blink of an eye.
So please don’t go turning off your light.
Give yourself a moment.
To save your life.

I’m in a contest I can’t win
Or even come in second.
My bird has flown from the streetlight arm
And taken promise with it.

Another lands and then departs
To mock my hopeful prayers
The sky teems with symbolic fowl
But I can’t suss their meaning.

A big one flew straight over me
But I can’t read its message.
Was it promising good health
Or telling me it’s sorry

That I’ll only get just what I have
To get me through tomorrow
And if I am not strong enough
The game will then be over.

Why are birds the messengers
In answer to my pleas
They send me signals I can’t read
And I walk on in darkness.
ljm

did you know
i dreamed of you
almost every night?

dreamed of chasing you,
begging you,
an almost pathetic longing

for years and years
until i finally
fell out of love with you.

i still dream of you
once in awhile,

but it's not me
giving chase anymore,

it's you.

My baby is proud of me,
Of all the poems I wrote,
That's all the praise I need,
Just write,
Write some more,
Till my pen tip is course,
So I can sing to her.

“You're not depressed"
“You shouldn't be stressed"
“I'm cutting you off of your meds"
Cut me off my meds
I'll cut myself into super **** scars
You call me a star, so aren't you supposed to burn if you're a star?
I've been isolating myself
Just for other people to not see me
To not get hurt by me

I've told you everything I have gone through
You've never told me anything you went through
You only told me you got cheated on a few times
You only told me you were used as a toy
Okay?
I never got cheated on
But I've definitely been used as a toy multiple times
Why so many excuses to take me off my meds?
Yes, you were abused by your narcissistic Asian mother
That's cool
Lovely
Though, you did tell me you were trying to make my life better
To clear me from these thoughts
So why do many excuses?

Groomed
Used
Abused
Manipulated
Gas-lit
Victim of Weaponized incompetence
COCSA
SA’d
Cyberstalked
Stalked
All within of my 12 years of living
It doesn't seem much
Six of above happened for years on end by one of my closest people
Three still happening today that I'm very aware of
I just don't know how to get out of it
There's been no justice
Just pure hell
But all what you're saying is “oh well!"
You won't let me call the police
No discipline to anyone
I can't do anything but carry on with my day

Why
Just why?

each word that stings
is carved into skin
the termites
gnawing your bones
make new friends:

horror
and fear

of being
human has-beens
who hide behind
glass eyes
sliced skin
like
humanesque
empty tins