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 Oct 2020 Patricia LeDuc
mikarae
sing me your inspiration,
so that words may blossom
through the rings of the tree
in my paper.

gift me your passions,
so that pathways may carve
through inked rivers
and graphite daydreams.

paint me your love,
so that I may palette
your rainbow
and color my canvas

with my favorite colors of you.

the soft pink
of the inside of your lips,
and the offset grey
haloed through your eyelashes.

tiger lily freckles framed
by sweet peach
and wallflower blushes.

rainfall wrists
and dutch cocoa silk.

all my canvas needs
are the colors of you.
acrylic affirmations and watercolor whispers
I just want it to end.

The hopelessness, the fear,
the constant critic in my head:
I've lived with them all for too long.

All I've ever known is this war, this endless battle.
There's nothing wrong with wanting it to end.
To wish that it didn't is cruel.

But why can't the best solution be the simplest?
Why do I have to keep fighting?

At times it's deafening,
and I'm so exhausted.

Why can't I just lay down in no man's land
and let this battle fall silent around me?

Why can't that be the end?

Because... I'll never know what's possible.
 May 2020 Patricia LeDuc
CJ Tims
I am ashamed
At how broken i am.
I apologize
For the amount of stress
I may cause in the midst of your
Efforts of trying to keep me held together.
I apologize
that i continue to fall apart
Before your glue has time to dry.
I apologize
That every time you pick a piece of me up,
Yet another breaks.
I am trying.
You are fixing me slower than i am breaking,
And i am ashamed.
Thank you.
Thank you for not giving up
On a broken piece of nothing.
 Feb 2020 Patricia LeDuc
putiira
if they say a one-word poem,
i'll write your name...
 Feb 2020 Patricia LeDuc
ok okay
Red moon
The sky bleeds too
Maybe this is hell
I guess that's up to you

These trees could only stand still
And as the fire grows
So we will too
And watch as the world turns red
While we all feel blue
I live in New Zealand, yesterday the sky lit up red and the moon was bright red. The extent of the fire is unimaginable. It is sad. The world is sick because of us.
 Feb 2020 Patricia LeDuc
ok okay
Shadows do not discriminate
They stay and change
Sometimes they go away
Hide in the darkest nights
And live in the brightest days

If I took your shadow
I could not tell
If you were black or white
Had scars
Tattoos
Or hair that was blue
Our form is more or less the same

If I saw your shadow again
I wonder
Could I tell you apart?
 Feb 2020 Patricia LeDuc
ok okay
It's so much easier to blank it all out
That ******* tune never leaves does it
'Tic toc tic toc therapy wont fix my mind-block'
But as soon as your fears confront you
The music can't get loud enough
And your stuck
Thinking
****
I guess that's love..
 Feb 2020 Patricia LeDuc
ok okay
Tell me your secrets
I might tell you a lie
Talk to me slowly
I might tell you im fine
Inject me with poison
So my brain feels numb
Make me dumber and dumber
Till my mind succumbs
My                                              
heart is                                                  
A LANTERN                                              
Inside, lives a                                              
fae                                                  
♡         ­                                       
g                                          
e                   ­                 
n                                      
t                       ­                       
l                                                
e                                          
♡                                
a                          
  ­   n                                
      d                        ­                  
      ♡                                       ­             
s                                                  ­  
w                                              
e                                        
e                     ­             
t                                        
♡                                                      

                  With
                   bright wings
                     G L I T T E R I N G
                     with love, life and
                     hope
                    ♡
                 f
           o
           r
                 ♡
                         p
                             e
                             a
                       c
                 e
                     ♡

As                    
I grow,                
S H E  R E M A I N S              
youthful, timid,              
safe                
♡              
a        
f      
r        
a                
i                  
d       ­     
♡    
t
     o

f        
l              
y          


                                        She
                   ­                     spent days
                                          JUST  CRYING
     ­                                     feeling so lost
                                          Hurt
             ­                             ♡
                                  ­        I
                                               '
                                                     m
                                                      ♡
       ­                                             s
                  ­                             o
                                        ♡
                     ­          s
                             o
                                    r
                                          r
                    ­                              y
                                 ­                   ♡

                                           ­                             The
                                ­                                         summer
                                                          ­                OF HER HEART
                                                           ­                  became winter
                                                          ­                bleak
                                           ­                            ♡
                                                               ­                 a
                                                                ­                     n
                                                               ­                   d
                                            ­                            ♡
                                   ­                            c
                                                             o
                                                               ­   l
                                                            ­                d
                                                                ­                   ♡

                        But
                       with time
                          SHE MANAGED
                        to pick herself
                       up
                      ♡
                  a
                  ­ n
                           d
                                  ♡
                           ­               h
                                        e
      ­                           r
                          ♡
              p
      e
          n­
                 ♡

With                        
the help                        
O F  O T H E R                        
fellow Kings and                        
Queens                      
♡                    
t              
h          
a              
n                        
k         ­                         
♡                                      ­    
y                                      
o                                
  u                        
♡  ­        
s
       o
       ♡
m    
u              
c                
h        


                   You                                                              ­    
all have                                              
A D D E D   TO                                            
my heart's inner                                              
flame        ­                                        
♡                                              
a                                                          
n   ­                                                       
d                                                      
♡       ­                               
h                            
o  ­                      
p                              
e                               ­       
s                                        
♡                     ­           

       Winds                                                            ­              
blow, wings                                                            ­      
NOW FLUTTER                                                          ­        
I'm ready to                                                               ­   
fly                                                              ­  
♡                                                                ­
s                                                              
i                                                      
d                                                
e                                                
♡                                                          
b                                                               ­ 
y                                                              ­  
♡                                                          
s    ­                                            
i                                                  
d            ­                                              
e                 ­                                                   ♡
I'm back!
So sorry everyone, the last few weeks have been... a strain on me.
I am still doing my media course and all, but mentally and emotionally,
I was slipping down into a dark place. My sleeping patterns have been messed up, my nerves have been completely out of control, my self-doubt, anxiety and depression drained me so much that I found it really hard to write, so I needed time to gather myself. It was so hard for me to pick up a pen. To do anything. My smiles were hollow and I just felt so lost.

I just wanted to apologise, I didn't mean to worry anyone. I'm truly touched by the out-pour of support for me. I got so many messages asking if I was alright. I can't express how much that warmed my heart. I'm so used to people being angry at me for my silence that it usually scares me to come back. By nature, with everything I've experienced, it's made me more and more of an isolationist. To all of those people, truly, thank you so so much for staying and just being kind to me...
Really. Thank you T-T
And thank you to all my followers, old and new.
245 followers... I can't even... T-T
I'm sorry if I sound like a broken record but thank you.
I'm back now, and I'm feeling better.
It's easier to hold my pen so I will resume spilling my ink.

I'll continue the Masked Bard on Thursday, I'm free the whole day.
I have no idea of my schedule the coming week.
Again, I appreciate everyone one of you.
Thank you for keeping me in your thoughts.
Thank you for staying with someone like me.
With much love,
Lyn ***
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