i just want to feel alive
i need to feel free

but i'm so numb here
i'm so ******* empty

i'm sorry, my dear -
remember it's not your fault

There's smoke in my lungs
And thoughts in my head
But it all comes back
To you

I hope she was worth
The pain you put me through
I hope she can hold you closer
Than when I wrapped my soul around you
I hope she can make you smile brighter
Than when I made you laugh
I hope she can sing to you sweeter
Than when I sung your name
I hope her words have more meaning
Than when I said “I love you - always and forever”
I hope that she never makes you feel pain
The way you claim I made you endure
I hope when you see her –
She’s all that you want to see
I hope she was worth it
I hope she was worth all the tears
That I shed for you
After you left me for her

I’m blinded
Walking with a hollow body
And an unconscious mind
I can’t feel anything
Yet I find myself wandering
Drifting through the emotions
That have been injected into my veins

Is there life after death?
Will I, after this life, be what others call—
Happy?
Will my dad neglect me?
Will I be abused?
Will I have scars?
Will I wreak of self-loathing?

I’m so ******* young
But I ache as if I’m an elderly man
It’s too early—
I shouldn’t feel empty
Or worthless
Or so ******* dead in my own skin
But I do
And it’s breaking me

don’t listen to me.
don’t hear what i preach.
all i know is
sorrow,
*****,
blow.
don't listen to people like me.
don’t hear what we have to preach.
all we know is
lost causes,
hallow words,
empty memories.
we’re just as ****** up as you,
only we will always resort
to our pernicious truth.
you?
you will prosper.
i know,
we know,
it is evident you will.
without us.
without me.
and that -
****, that is your key.

She is my
Brightest light
In the
Darkest of nights

This girl has consumed my thoughts
As she’s done multiple times before
I think of nothing else
But the way she bites her lip
Ever so tentatively

She doesn’t notice
How I gaze at her whilst she rests
The simplicity of the moment
As if all of time stands still
It’s just us now

What has become of me?
How have I let her in?
Deep within my soul
Where she’s claimed her home
“Safe,” she tells me

She burrows her face in my neck
I lace my arm around her frame (so frail she is)
“Please don’t let go,” she pleads
I purse my lips and murmur,
“I can’t.”

What were you –
When your lips would part
And incoherent words
Would fall from your mouth?

Where were you –
When the sheets were tangled at my feet
While his arms were laced around my frame
And his breath smothered my thoughts?

Who were you –
When I would implore
That you open up and help me understand
The world you call your own?

How were you –
Able to let me fall from
A ledge while you stood there
Not even looking my way?

When did you realize –
That it was not me you wanted
But the mere thought of me
Which brought you to think
That you were in love?

Your love is bittersweet

Choking flesh and binding souls

Wrenching spirits and drinking tea

Luring the innocent into the eerie shadows

Whilst feasting away on their pitiful screams

Decrepit little man, how vulnerable you must be

Laying gentle fingers on the long forgotten

And reminiscing about the damage you once sought out to destroy

Realization hitting you like concrete - all along, you were the culprit