You're all I taste..

Besides the nicotine
and the alcohol
I've been doing since
you were gone.

i'm trying to fix my relationships with
the things that i say i hate
i love you, allergies.
thank you for
letting me know when the seasons are changing
i love you, split ends
thank you for
telling me i need a haircut
i love you, sore throat
thank you for
making me stop screaming
i love you, ****** internet
thank you for
making me go outside
i love you, mommy
thank you for
everything
i love you, girl he cheated with
thank you for
making me realize i wasn't the first choice
and i love you, baby
thank you for
breaking my heart

I've always been told I can't run from my problems
but why can't I drive down the coast,
boardwalking and hanging ten
smiling at hippies dressed in henna
why can't I ascend the mountains
reaching into infinity with palms wide open  
I could hop into Seattle,
feel new rain on my face
kissing strangers reflected in the ***** puddles
or maybe flow with rivers til I found a bear's den
they tell me I can't run
so I won't
I'll spring
leap
slide
crawl
I'll tiptoe over the line

I want you to tell me you love me but I know you won't I texted you drunk because I know it's the only time I can talk to you these days I miss you because we've both changed so much it's like we don't even know each other and you said we have more in common than you and my brother ever did and that's so ******* depressing because you two were best friends and I loved it when you two were friends because we could hang out and I could leave whenever I wanted and I miss that but you hardly talk anymore and it's been seven ******* years and now is when you decide to part ways but it's been too long and I miss you and I'm sorry I'm being so emotional I'm sorry I can only talk to you when I'm drunk but that's the only time I'm brave enough to be honest with you and I want to kiss you I'm sorry but I do I want you to hold me like you used to when we didn't know any better because your hands were so warm and I am so ******* cold and I miss you and I'm drunk and I miss you and when I'm sober I hate you but it's only because you don't love me like I want you to

She sat staring at the clock
thinking hoping
that there was some other way
not realizing the effect of her decision

but as the minutes ticked by
and the time she had
to talk herself out of it was over
and she began the task;
her last task

and as she completed it she wrote don't miss me,
I was never good enough
for you anyway
and with that she took her last breath
on the earth she lived on
for 16 short years.