this isn’t going to make sense
cause it’s not supposed to
and if I’m being honest
this isn’t for you
it’s not even for me

I’m stuck
I’m trapped
I’m lost
I’m every other word that describes people who feel at a dead end

I’m typing on a ****** phone
That’s connected to a ****** connection
That could possibly be a metaphor for my life

I’m writing
Because I don’t know what else to do

I’m writing
Cause that’s what they told me to do

But they also told me that what I think isn’t always true
That I’m special and I just don’t see it

But that’s the thing
I don’t see it

And if I don’t see it then why should it matter if anyone else does

And if I’m thinking something why should it matter if it’s true

What matters is that it’s in my head
What matters is that it’s always there

But here I am
Stuck in the same place
Back to square one
No progress made
The same questions, whether true or not

Will I amount to anything?
Do I really help?
Am I really worthwhile?
Do you actually care?

I see these people
When I’m online
They smile and post
They edit and pose

I can’t help but wonder

Do you really smile, or do you just do it to look happy like me?
Do you really feel happy, or are you trying to lie like me?
Do you understand what I feel?

Or is it just me?

I’m not trying to be selfish
I don’t want a lot
I just want to be happy
And I want others to be happy with me
But neither is happening

So instead there’s a poem
That doesn’t even ryhme
That makes no sense
  I’ll try harder

A blink of words
That can't be said
Or even be written
She is poem of thousand words


She is fierce and gentle
All at once
She's a song
An unending song


She is a sparkle
She is a shine
She is the only thing
That i want to call mine

She is my everyday
And an everynight
She is every morning
And an every twilight


She is all i know
She is all i see
She is a sweet melody
She is an  unmatching rhythm

i just wanted to sit down.
sit down and breathe.
i don't know where but i want to be alone too.
i'll let my mind roam,
get bigger and small again.
i'd forget about everything,
my life,
my worries,
my past,
my future,
everything,
i'd forget it all and breathe.
it'd be like the first moments when i was born,
unaware and unexpierenced of all the pain and hurt that i once knew.
i just want to sit down and forget.

I am ashamed
At how broken i am.
I apologize
For the amount of stress
I may cause in the midst of your
Efforts of trying to keep me held together.
I apologize
that i continue to fall apart
Before your glue has time to dry.
I apologize
That every time you pick a piece of me up,
Yet another breaks.
I am trying.
You are fixing me slower than i am breaking,
And i am ashamed.
Thank you.
Thank you for not giving up
On a broken piece of nothing.

he said he loved you,
once.
he needed you,
once.
but not anymore.

so fragile
     like glass
destined to shatter
     but when the sun catches her eye
nothing else matters

I don’t want to be a, “Good Person”
Or rather,
Not if you have to tell me.
I’d rather die,
Then hear someone tell me I’m nice,
You’re so nice,
You’re a good guy,
Gratefully with twinges of gluttonous ego I accept,
In spite of myself.
Perhaps I’ve been groomed
Act nice to be complimented.
Humans never cease to appall me,
With ways to be unwarrantedly wareful,
And secretly subconsciously submergent,
So I remain watchful of myself.

An artifice of pure gold,
Was caste within a golden mold,
And placed up high upon its place
Where glory shone on its shiny face.
All that saw it praised its sight,
They stared up high at its glorious light.

When one day something twisted yearned,
Building within that golden urn.
It festered and grew from inside the glory,
And molded its own darker story.
Although the outside shone with splendour,
Deeper festered a dark attender.

With pressure building up so strong,
The worshippers heard not the dark song.
Which leaked and played its whispering tune,
Then stood up tall howling at the moon.
And crept out fully from that crack,
Attaching itself to an unsuspecting back,

Which writhed in pain and absorbed the dark,
A new adventure on which to embark.
Happy for a mobile host,
It corrupted no more that golden ghost.

Dearly beloved
I am gathered here to say
That nothing that you believe to be
Will happen on this day

You were given a false narrative
One of ownership and lore
Meant to keep our people down
Locked behind a keyless door