funny how one moment can change one's perspective on life

one moment i am beaming, enveloped in sunshine,
calm
at peace

but then a wave comes
taking me down as it crashes on the shoreline
i gasp for air
i stumble over the rocks
rushing to the dry sand

what happened?

at this moment i am anxious, enveloped in a cloud
hurt
in despair

i look up at the sun hiding behind the cloud
i search through the throng of people
i am desperate to find my peace again
i walk back to the waves
i sit before it
i beckon for a wave to come and drag me back to my sunny seas

words at most
are sign posts
never touching
what's real
minds watching
yearning to feel
and at least
the beasts
of burden
I'm sorry
i beg your pardon
i didn't mean those words
that cut to the bone
the words said in anguish
the words that you moan
love has its own language
that communicates by touch
you speak to me
you tell me so much
the words I weave
are a cry for help
please don't leave
this is what I felt
fault lines through and through
cracks in my sentences
words no longer the glue
the endless relentlessness
of thoughts
circling like sharks
they haunt
my deepest parts
the weakest heart
pumping out words
of dread
this is what I said
you said
the words that line our bed
sleeping on novels
we are apostles
of language
tell me how you manage
all your words
how do you discard them
with such ease
no gratitude
no need
your smile
sells more
empty words
than I could ever write
I'm never right
how could I be
when words are all I see
so please
use your lips
to silence my sentences
wrap your tongue
around my words
i promise you some
you've never heard.

when the anxiety hits
i used to sit there letting it consume me
no
i refuse to let it consume me now
instead
i write
i write because I know I am heard
somewhere
by someone
i am not alone
anxiety does not own me or you
we decide if we want it to consume us
or if we want to fight it

it is in the quiet moments
that i hear my brain speak.
i see the words coming to life
i feel my heart nudging me
i begin to write
i write and write till i feel whole and full
and no longer empty
but complete.
this writing thing is new to me
and also old at the same time
it was always in me all along
i just finally found it
buried in my heart.

You're a bouqet of wildflowers
I'm an average red rose
We're an odd set of valentine gifts

You're a sky dive over California
I'm a picnic in the park
We're a weird combination on a date

You're a sunset on the Bahamas
I'm a hot day in Arizona
We're so far apart

You're everything I want to be and have
I'm nothing you even think about
We're something that just can't be done