“And I will search the fcking depths of this
Stupid place my kids will have to live
In order just to smile a little bit
But you know
I'm thoroughly in love with you
And yeah, I'm really scared that I may never change
But I'm so fcking done being so afraid
I really hope that you find happiness”
“At best, stay the same, so you'll be f*cking world-renowned
While I'm getting drunk at my house”
“So I will sit and I will drink myself to either to sleep or my untimely death
Either way, I hope that you don't cry, you know
That's just a part of life”
“Because there's something that's inside my head
That will click and make me drink until I'm dead
So I will sit and I will think about this life
And if I even like it”
Happiness by Hobo Johnson is a really deep feeling
Hits a little too close to home
And I’ll have to spend time healing
Because emptiness is growing
And I start to feel something is showing
Like the little signs inside my brain are telling me to do it
My genetic structure is fulfilling its purpose
And I start to feel worthless
And all I do is heartless
Now I start to hurt us
And you think it isn't worth it
But I promise I’m just hurting
And I’ll get over forests
And I will be a burden
But that's ok
You know? It all fades away
Until I'm nothing right?
And everyone starts laughing at me
You know I'm right
I paid my price
The worst is yet to come
And everyone is stunned to see I made it
Because those nights got really dark
And I played it
Right, but I don't have the cards
Success, correct? They all think I'm happy.

Anorexia is not collar bones.
It is the smell rotting of flesh as you dismantle your body bit by bit.
Anorexia is not a thigh gap, it is your knees so weak they shake as you fall to the ground.

Anorexia is not self control. It is the feeling of utter hopelessness as your life tornados into a blizzard of nothingness.

Anorexia is not fashionable. It is your mother’s sobbing eyes as she sees her child dying
Anorexia is not 80 pounds. It is the weight of a thousand pulsing suns on your shoulders.
A thick black cloud in your mind, and rules spelled out like chains pulling you towards the ground.
No matter what measure of gravity that you have in this earth, it still hurts, it’s still real.
So to you 'pro anas' who so blindly say 'hunger hurts, but starving works' think before you act.
Suffering is an addiction, please do not harm yourself with this affliction.
- *Emily Ward

so, my poems are in no way actually good. I know that. But, if you have any interest in brutally honest metaphors, please follow me or just like something or leave a comment. They make me happy so please just leave something to let me know that I should even keep writing. Just leave a smile in the comments on a poem or on a poem you even remotely tolerated. That would help me I think. So, you by no means have to, you can just ignore this if you want to. But it would mean so much to me. Also, if you have any advise I'm always open to notes.

You are 5
You have your whole life ahead of you
Hospital
Please don't go
I would be gone if you weren’t here
I didn't want you to find me after
I can't imagine my life without you
Flu
A horrible word
An unacceptable word
Sent from hell
Torture
Crying my lungs out
Coughing
Face red
Mascara running
Am I mad?
I yell
I LOVE YOU
GET BETTER
I'M SORRY
And say “no” until it isn’t a word
Rocking on my bathroom floor
DO NOT LEAVE ME
He has to be ok
He is my world
My everything
I can't stop the racing
Screaming my stomach into my head
Crying until I only have blood to cry
HE CAN'T LEAVE ME
Please reconsider

Waiting for a sign of freedom
Waiting for someone to see me
Nothing I do is good enough
all I do is full of love
What if I said you were too much
It’s a lie,
But I’m a heartless being
I want to see what would happen
I wish that I could care
And I kinda do, I swear
And If I were to stay
There would be no other way
If I could say,
What I really thought
You’d know for sure, that I am a bad person
And I wish it was so easy
As for you to say you love me
But my internal organs say you hate me
I know you say,
“It isn’t true”
But what do you think I am? Sane?
Well, you were wrong
I’ve been with me my whole life
I’d trust myself, on a rare occasion at least
Because I’m a special case
One that’s about to break
And I know you can’t take
Any more of this, And that’s my fault,
I’m sure but what makes you
So sure?
That I would save me if I could
I’m a domino effect
So how about let’s go a set
A knife right onto my open arms
Ready to erase me and
Ready to embrace you
I don’t know what I’m seeing
All I can tell you is that
I’m a heartless being