You there,
with your body laid
& your head rested
on your tear soaked pillow.
With the stains of unforgivable acts forced upon your body.
With the scars of abusive lovers,
with sharp tongues.
  
Yes you.
You deserve love.

With your battered bones
that creak & rattle,
with somber hymns
of hidden shame & hopelessness.
With insecure tastes
in your mouth,
that make you curse your being.

Yes you.
You deserve love.

With your desperation
& all your fears.
With your desire to awaken
from your fallacies of comfort.
From the caucus of neglect
that they left you to rot in.
Even though you may not know.

You. Yes you.
You deserve love.

falling for you was like
jumping head first into
the deep end of a pool.
I knew I shouldn't
because the water was
too cold and too deep
but I did it anyways,
because I wouldn't mind drowning myself in you.

When I was a kid
I remember watching the comedy channel
Not in my own house, mind you
My parents were too smart for that
When I was a kid hanging out at my friend's houses watching the comedy channel
I remember
A slogan
Time.  Well.  Wasted.
And I remember thinkin'
"Oh!  Yea!  I like that!  Imma sit here a lil' longer!"
I was just a boy at the time and that's as far as the thought got
About a half-hour later we decided time was better wasted building gigantic, man-eating snowmen.
Eventually I went home
I wasted some time arguing with my parents about schoolwork, ate a bowl of cereal and wasted the next 8 hours in a comatose
I woke up to waste the next several years of my life figuring out how to waste the NEXT several years of my life
Somewhere in there someone told me I should do what I feel called to do so I wasted time waiting for a sign of some kinda magicy, Jesus voodoo
While I was waiting I wasted time reading Ecclesiastes and learned about what a waste of time it is to read Ecclesiastes
So I tried filling my time with all the things that weren't supposed to BE a waste of time but then I didn't have any time so I fell flat on my face on the edge of the vortex that is the human condition!
And I cried, "God!"
"Why do you waste your time with a foolish and selfish sinner like me?"
And the almighty, holy, infinitely incomprehensible, incredible God of the Universe replied
"Time.  Well.  Wasted."

You are all the light
I have ever seen
And the poem
I have never
Been able to write.

Welcome to the ugly subconscious of a comedian.

Who killed of his stained memories to stop the crowd from laughter.

She is pretty and bright
She laughs at the jokes
And she sings along

She goes on hot dates
She makes the guys drool
And she is all too alluring

She is funny and sweet
She is a pleasure to meet
And she is liked by plenty

She plays and she smiles
She is supportive and kind
And she holds anyone's hand

She winks at the boys
She is flirty and fun
And she hides it very well

She weeps when there is no one to see
She does things no one would believe
And she screams at herself obscenities

She claws at her skin
She fears she'll give in
And she has no one to tell

She hates her reflection
She knows she's unworthy
And she'll never be released

She drinks too much in silence
She cuts a couple fresh wounds
And she wonders when it will stop

She's an addictive personality
She's addicted to bleeding
And she wishes someone would see

...I love you... [deleted, never sent]

Is there anything I can do to help fix it? [deleted, never sent]

...Please don't run away... [deleted, never sent]

Maybe I should get back with my ex?... what do you think?... [Stopped at get back with, never even finish writing, deleted, never sent]

...You know things wont be the same right?... [deleted, never sent]

Remember the day with the pillow fort, Yea, That was the day I promised myself I would save you.... Look how that turned out. [Thought about sending, deleted, never sent]

I will always be here for you... Please remember that... *[deleted, rewrote, and sent]

i don't hate you

i just hate

the way you made me smile so much

the way you showed me new things

the way i gave precious things to you

the way that you told me you loved me

the way you called me cute

the way you made me think you were true

the way you kissed away my pains

the way your hair was always perfect

the way you seemed to be worth it

the way you acted just like me

the way your smile changed anything

the way your voice lifted my spirits

the way your happiness made me happy

the way you made me feel like i could fly

the way you became my everything

the way i dove in head first

the way i fell head over heels

the way you made me think you were different

the way you treated me like i was special

the way you made me love you

so you see, i don't hate you

i just hate everything about you...