What if,
Life is counted in the sky,
Or Humanity was meant for Goodbye's?

What if,
The sun and the moon did have a lullaby,
And we separated the eye's?

What if,
Night and Day was taught how to pray?
Would the earth be swayed by grace?

What if,
Our determination was devoted to His,
Salvation?

So they flee; once beautiful narratives detached from me and took off running.
For my own sake, I eventually follow and take off hunting.

Crossing the bridge to the ocean, finding no words above or beneath their pillars or the sun-setting shades on the water in motion.

Maybe I'll find the words perched on the bridge as a little black bird, who mirrored me in a way that resonated with my soul but whose tune sang not one melodic word.

I go to the ocean, and heavy waves collapsing onto beds of sand sighed no release for me, and I leave.

Home, I paint a picture and coaxed a thousand  empty words out of it, that rang like broken records and sang to me deep into the night.

I awake to a blizzard, beautiful white.
A cold I felt I'd brewed with my mind
So I try and dive into a novel only to find my mind's waters shallow, and the pages became no more than ink printed paper.
I think myself incapable;

I look to the bottle, mostly white,
It sat on my nightstand by white papers that so longed for me to write.
I kick my head back and let the words pour from the bottle and back into me, loosening my grip, they could finally flow free.

Your diamond pattern repeats infinitely, or, perhaps,
Just as far as I can see.
Every day you’re quite the same to me-
Only slightly hindering visibility
With metal woven consistency

And weather takes its toll,
Storms and rust and wind pressed gusts weakened your steel hold.
You were able to contain me for the years when I was small,
But time has made me tall
I can see the other side,
Not a blade of grass or leaf concealed, not a pebble can hide.

Illusion for peace of mind pretends to be a
Silver knight
Who protects against the wrong ones and holds in tightly the right
You may stand your ground, and
By each diamond trait in which you are bound
is a place for my heel to lift me up and around
and to leave your sacred space without a sound.

the most dangerous weapons are depressed minds with sharp objects

A thief thrives in the winter
When the cold anxious months make the body go thinner
While room grows for layers on layers of
Secrets and treasures stacked like neglected papers,  eventually a novel,
Hard-covered by a coat.
Held against the body, and shoved inside a bag,
Commodities come free when the weather has you bad and
making hand gloves out of tags.
When thoughts become a wind chill, bring you
feeling below freezing-
Selfish starving hands can be warmed pretty easily.

I guess I take after my mother. The way she walks, talks, screams and disintegrates.
It's not fair, I didn't ask for the comforting feeling of falling off a 300 foot building just to land face first at my dinner table.
And my hand writing looks like an etch a sketch trying to paint a picture of how we're still holding this family together. But it all falls apart so quickly if I give it a shake.

If you cut me in half you could count my scars like a tree stump. And they branch out with my misfortunes hanging on like leaves.
I'd do anything to cut down my family tree
Or for my mother to even hear me speak.
If I could I'd take my fist through my her voice box and wash her brain cells with rubber gloves and dish soap.
If I could just cleanse her ears with my screams.
How could I take after her when I'm the only one that's listening?

You ever wonder what it would be like for your own mother to find you in your room with dangling from your ceiling fan?
I know it's selfish but I can't go one ******* night without thinking about what would happen if I blew a red light
I am already two feet planted at the edge of the roof of a 17 story building shaped like the home I grew up in. Each floor is a year of my life I never got back.
The voices in my head saying "don't do it! don't jump" But I've already reached the ground before I even stepped off the ledge. Nothing's different.
I'd ask to stay home sick but they don't have a thermometer to measure the amount of love you're deficient of.
And they don't have a cure for neglect.
I didn't ask to be born with self destruction
Or to have to make friends with all of my grudges.
They're shaped like the ones that have raised me.
But they never left me less than empty.

My father and I joke about ending it all, we laugh in unison but I know that we both know neither one of us is joking.
If he died he would die in my closet, with the skeletons that kept me alive.
They'll bury him with my secrets that didn't **** me but kept me dead inside.
And in his eulogy I will concoct up a swarm of lies to commemorate his broken promises.
But he can rest with an clear conscious knowing my I'll live the rest of my life pretending to not be haunted.

If this family was a time capsule I would put in a letter to my father every single time he wasn't there to tell me to believe.
So I can open it 10 years later and remember that the fault here wasn't mine to keep
I hope your mistakes sing you to sleep every night you never did for me.
And every nightmare causes your eyes to bleed because every single time that I needed you, you were too blind to see.

If the apple doesn't fall far from the tree why do I feel like I'm so close to bouncing back.

Well there’s no easy way out
And there’s no way out alive.
So What’s the point in living,
If you’re just living to die?

I used to have a reason,
A reason just to be.
A perfect girl, in an awful world.
A girl that was just like me.

I don’t know why it’s difficult,
just to get some sleep.
Probably because scornful words
stay stuck between my teeth.

And as I fill, with tempered swill,
These measured beats of rhyme,
I dream of something simpler to ****,
Than the Ticking Clocks of Time.

Perhaps the noisy aeroplane
Disrupting Meditation
Is the sign, Divine
You have been searching for.

please don't blame yourself
nothing was up to you
you cry for days and days
but there was nothing you could do
please don't hurt yourself
I cant bear to watch you bleed
someone so true and pure
should never feel this harsh defeat
you never did a thing
to warrant all this pain
you don't deserve the thunder
and you don't deserve the rain
ive never been a rhymer
ive never been much good at all
but I promise you my angel
I will never let you fall
I will repair your quiet breaks
I will never leave your side
I wont ever make you wait
ill be here til the day I die
I wont let you be alone
even when you try to hide
I wont let you take this blame
I don't care how hard you try
you dont just twinkle like the stars
youre the sunrise in my sky
youre the most vibrant flower
youre the day and youre the night
please dont blame yourself
there is nothing left to do
but be calm and understand
the one who matters now is you.