You've got me looking at the sky
Walking in circles
Apologizing for who I've become
And yet I still open these doors to you
Like I'm the gentleman and you’re the lady
When really it’s the other way around
You came into my life like a quiet storm
And I was confused because that always been my role in this world
You've got me hands in my pockets
Looking at the sun
Blinding me to all the wonders of the world
Letting you climb in through my window after curfew
Like this is just part of life
And this would normally be ok because that’s just what friends do
We take care of each other in the time of need
But I'm still trying to find how you gained all this power
In just a short amount of time
Although I feel like I'm still got the power of Titus
To turn this whole world to gold
Yet You make me feel powerless and clueless
Our friends look at us like we're crazy
Each telling us that each positive of the friendship is really a negative
When really what they are missing is that a negative one times a negative one always equals a positive
Yet they insist that we have rose colored glasses on
And the longer we keep them the harder it will be to fix these mistakes
But I'm looking at how things are going and I can't find their truth in our friendship
Because truly whether we have rose colored glasses on or not
We've made it work in our favor
With your strengths and mine we each learn something from each other
We're looking to the clouds
Listening to hard metal
We know that whether or not we have rose colored glasses on or not
If the fog we've got someone there to catch us

Got my whole world closed down
In a lockdown
Under surveillance
Hoping no one can see what's inside
No one is allowed in
Without special permission
Yet you’re here
How did you get in
You snuck in under my radar like no one before
You must have some serious skill
But now I must remove you from the premises of my world
You are a threat to the wellbeing and surroundings
You don't belong here yet
How did you get here
Why are you here
My whole world is closed down to everyone around me
In a lock down with security heavily guarding every part
How did you get in
Sure you can visit
Sure you can take a peak
But don't cross inside
That's how it's always been
So how did you get past the barb wire
How did you get past the landmines
Snuck in under my radar
Now I don't know how to get you out
You know to much already
Seen too much of what happens in here
How did you get in to this place
Where no one else has been aloud before.
My world is closed down to everyone else
So how did you sneak your way in
Please don't leave
Visitors are nice
And are few and far between
I don't mind them once in a while
Promise you won't spill the secrets you have seen
Or the secrets you have heard.
You've seen too much already
You know too much now.

Sweet smell of addiction
Sweet taste of intoxication
The moment they touch my lips I know it’s a mistake
But the moment the feeling I get when the smell is inhaled
The moment the sweet taste hits my tongue
I know it all will be a regret in the morning
Brain slows down to a crawl
A nice change from the racing city traffic stuck in my head
Worries seem to just slip to the back of my mind
And no one's opinion seems to matter
What matters is me and my happiness
Sweet smell of addiction
Sweet taste of intoxication
I know it will be a regret in the morning
But I got to try to slow it down
Slow the racing in my brain
Got to bring the piece of myself that I can't seem to control back down from the clouds
It'll be a regret in the morning
But with each in hale
Nothing seems to matter
It's all just a joke
With each swig
It becomes more and more about me
It’s the sweet smell of addiction
It’s the sweet taste of intoxication.

Close my eyes tonight
In hopes of happiness and peace
Using  my determination as a light
To scare away the darkness and the monsters that comes with
Its hard to manage when you don't mind the dark some days
Don't mind walking in the dark
Prefer it most days
But that’s in this world
Not the world of my head
In the world of my head I have to shine this light around
And push it all away
So I can keep pushing forward
So that I can explore the new part of my mind
That is attempting to take over my world as we speak
I've already decided it can't have it
I won't let it squelch the things I've worked so hard for
Determination it shall fear
And I shall not fear it
No matter how hard it pushes
I may have to step back
But I refuse to stand at the bottom of this mountain
And pretend everything is ok.
I've already attempted that
I've already looked for the answer at the bottom of a bottle
The answer isn't there
The answer is in Determination and patience
Forgiveness of myself.

Some mornings looking in the mirror
Is like seeing a stranger in my body
Trying to figure out where she came from
While I'm suffocating in the unsuspecting comforts of my own body
My own mind.
The thoughts that consume me
They aren't mine
The actions that take over when things go wrong
They aren't mine
I'm searching for a breath of fresh air
Searching for that break through moment
So many people looking at me
Wondering what is wrong
Why am I like this.
The actions that take over
The thoughts that take over
None of them are me
I'm slowly being suffocated in my own body.
Some days when I look in the mirror
I just wonder what is wrong with me
Why can't I just kick it to the curb
Just kick everything bad that goes on inside to the side
And just let it sit in the corner and be silent.
Some days I wonder why everyone else has all this insight
Yet I'm the one who can't seem to make it stop
Some nights when I lay in bed
I look out my window
And wish upon a star
And pray to the higher powers that be
That they can take it all away.
That someday I can look in the mirror and recognize the girl looking back.
Recognize the woman I have become.
One day I will
One day that mirror will look back at me with a smile
It will look at me knowing the hard times I've had
And realize that I survived.

These images dance through my mind
Of the past
Of the Present
And your words will always be at the back of my mind
But I hope you can see how much better I am without you
The spring flowers dancing in the breeze
With the colors
Blues of peace
Pinks of happiness
Yellows of freedom
Go ahead and say I'm missing you
Because what you don't know won't hurt you
I've got more freedom now
And I know myself more than I ever did when I was with you
Those butterflies are dancing with peace happiness and freedom
Helping me grow a garden that I'll someday call life
The perfect life for me
Maybe someday someone else can add to my garden with a red love
But until that day comes I'll grow my garden
Guard my heart and live my life how it should have been done the whole time
I'm sure you're missing the sound of my heart beat
And wishing that I were coming back to you
But you know I ain't the type to come running back after this much time
I'll always be an independent woman that you'll never be able to handle.