when you're born a girl.
But don't feel like one.
When you are forced to go swimming and expose your body.
The one that causes all the pain and dysphoria.
Oh how much it ***** having boys staring at your *****.
When you want to be one of them.

why do people think that they can force me to go out and be happy?
A smile can be faked.
But how I feel won't change.
I am sorry that I can't live a joyful life.
I think to often about when I die.
I can barely fake another smile.
But people still think that I can be happy just because they asked me to be.

I don't fear the darkness
I don't fear the light.
What I fear is a mixture of those.
When I don't know wich one will take over.

your house of cards is falling apart.
you thought it was so stable, silly child.
You should have known that you can't build on lies.
Not without your world ending up collasping.
oh silly child.
Your world is falling a part as the people see the real you.
The true you tried to hide for way too long.
My silly child.
Open your eyes and speak your mind.
Forget about the collasping world of lies.
And start living your life.
Stop being so silly my sweet child.
Open your eyes and go outside, forget about the lies and start living life.

Can't change who I am,
but who I am changes.

It is all in my mind.
I know you don't feel the same things as I.
But does that make it any less real?
Does it make me insane?
Oh and by the way, you my call me Nathan today.
That you don't understand me or my thoughts, the way my mind works.
Is that reason enough to call me insane?
Because yesterday I was a girl and today a boy?
Is not fitting in the binary system reason enough to tell me that I am crazy, wierd, insane?
That you don't understand, don't feel the same should not mean that you can judge me. Can't it?

last night,
I was not tired.
I could get no rest.
So I waited.
Waited for the sun to rise.
And it was beautiful.
The sun painting colours in the sky.
The beauty of nature.
Always worth waiting.
Staying a wake.