I mean, I don't blame you
Why would you like a simple girl such as me
You told me you did but as I have mentioned your bittersweet lies caused me nothing but a shallow pain
Why would you like a girl
With cracked skin
bagged eyes that sting from my tears
and a curvy yet fat ***
I don't blame you
didn't expect you to like me
the fact was I knew you didn't yet something kept me going
Why would you like a girl
who doesn't even like herself?
who looks in the mirror an spots all her flaws rather than the beauty she cant seem to find
no confidence whatsoever but behind a tough personality she hides...
So I don't blame you for not
liking a girl like me
not even a little bit
not at all

if you wish to be a warrior prepare to be broken.
if you wish to be a explorer prepare to get lost, and if you wish to be a lover prepare to be both.
to be a lover meaning you possess a feeling, a spell or desire.
that irresistible urge to be with someone.
that heavenly union, that destiny conspires.
to be a lover takes strength like a warrior. such as loving a person, even when they gave you a thousand reasons not to. to be a lover takes some exploring. a mere attachment, or infatuation. a bond or a yearning? getting lost on what loves really means.
to be a lover we sometimes seek what it means when all its about is, the intermingling of 2 souls, come together to form a whole. we look to deeply to decipher love to code the way in which the caged creature works,
we learn, get hurt, grow love, repeat.
to ever extract its true essence is tough...
Are you ready to be a lover?

I know it's hard to touch the clouds
when memories
hold you down
I know you cry a lot inside
when no one is
around
I know it is hard to wake up
sometimes
when breathing cuts so deep.

and the birds, they sing
but
you cannot hear
and the sun, it shines
but
you cannot see
and there's a lot of warmth around
but
you cannot feel.

I know it feels so hard
to live
with so many scars

but

light will shine and you will
see
and birds will sing and
you will hear

It's just a dark path
you have to walk
and I will be there
to walk along
don't hold your breath
don't give up yet
just
keep your hope
and you'll find one day
that you can fly again
for you deserve
the highest clouds
the purest air
the deepest love.

and I'll be here for you,
you, dear soul,
the sweetest lyric
of them all.

My heart
     unpeels itself
in slow motion
    ribbons elegantly drift
  to the floor
once again  I am entrapped
           in a butterfly dance  
as I move towards connection
         entrapped in a cage
of my own building
           stewn all over
like carnival confetti
         utter joy at the beginning
a true celebration
        and then…the explosion
a fissured opening as
painful as a birth
I am all at once
A part of the cracked
                 and steaming earth
In the darkest corners of my mind,
I search rooms at a
mysterious party
as if in a dream
Who do I look for?
I pass each space
Couples on beds
   in their thrusts of passion
beckon me to join
Despite my burning up
I ignore
I know that I must reach
The open field
  sit in sweet solitude
place my hands upon the runes
of my heart
explore its mysteries
and then
only after I am sated
by my own passionate
embrace of mind
only then,
with fire in my eyes,
will I be able
to run freely
to you

all i wanted was a simple apology
if you loved me it wouldn't be that hard
but i guess you didn't
they told me not to fall to hard but i never listen for i thought was different.
but you were exactly what they said and to my existence your malignant
but yet somehow you still are a stimulant
you set gasoline to my fire and it heats up resembling our heated arguments that end up with one of us in pain
for you were never the solution you were never my rain to exhaust my flames
your a poison and it's addictive yet my soul still survives
it hurts so much but my heart yearns for you it chimes
chimes in a irregular beat; wishing for you to care but its like i'm never there
i always end up suffering the ramifications
your my main cause of my dreary tribulations
yet, i stay
yet, i still care
yet, i'm still blamed
yet, i cant stop loving you
Where did i ever go so wrong?

the stifled sound rumbling on the tip of my tongue eager to come out.
It roars with happiness and excitement from what it seems.
But behind that exotic laugh is a soul. The laugh hides the soul keeping it hidden from outsiders.
The laugh keeps a delightful smile on someones face. Everyone wants to feel happy..even if it is for a split second.
That laugh takes your mind away from the dreadful thoughts of suicide or the painful outlook of what is called you life.
The laugh takes away the pain as if were an antidepressant.
But what happens when the laugh stops...that dreadful pain resumes to what is reality as it consumes your identity as a whole.

I cant drown my demons because they swim. Diving into my every thought creeping into my mind.
Plunging and destroying all the hope
from my fragile heart.
They seep into my soul making it cold, dry, and now withdrawn...
Withdrawn from the outside world shutting everyone out my demons come out from dawn to dark.
These demons causing all these emotional scars and they left a mark. These demons constantly putting me through pain now I'm a recluse that has been misused and abused.
So, I'll be dammed if I let anyone in. These demons forbid my mind from being happy and I shall not dare challenge it because these demons still swimming are
already killing me
Torturing my everlasting existence
When will it ever end?