It’s been a long time since I wrote anything new
actually, been a long time since I thought about writing
which is odd, cause it’s not like I don’t have a lot to write about

I just got over my first cancer scare at 24
lumps don’t have to be big lumps,
and they don’t have to be on any particulate humps
it can be a stump, little more than a bump that you don’t notice

until your finger hurts.

Then you can’t stop being scared.

My doctor calls it a tumor,
the radiologist calls it a tumor,
the surgeon calls it a tumor
the oncologist calls it annoying,
and not to call him again unless it goes malignant.
*******.

I just got over a thing I had for a girl I met
she was so, like, me.
Her favorite country in Europe was Germany,
her parents were former military,
she knew what it was like to move 4 times in 7 years
and lose 10 best friends before facebook was even a thing
she loved pizza and was fine with her curves and mine
and when I kissed her I felt happy.
Didn’t get to kiss her after that first night though.
Shouldn’t have spent the night.
I think I ruined the magic,
and I couldn’t get it back.
Then I couldn’t kiss the next girl because she was standing right there
after saying we weren’t there already.  
and didn’t want to make her uncomfortable.
but i'm over that now, which sounds like a lie
it doesn't feel like one though
even crushes don't last forever.

Maybe I was too busy to write,
but probably not
maybe I wanted to see how the stories ended before writing
that's makes more sense
but it wasn't until I wrote it down, that I could acknowledge it happened.
and it happened to me.

Keep hold on the standing bass
and *** *** ba-dum us to a slow dance,
because the two step’s too quick
and I want to hear some sad trumpet improv;

The perfect impression of us in love.

It’s too humid here,
I can see sweat race down well-worn wrinkles
eroded into Ms. Carla from 30 years of cabaret.
She sways on the microphone,
while her deep voice hangs in the air,
fragrant, and ready to stifle the pairs
mixing love and lust beneath her stage

They move,
sweaty and close,
***** and dark,
familiar-passionate
slow,
but furious.

Another evening of Jazz and ***.

So this night passes,
a melody in my head
leading a world within my arms
as we rock,
ba-ba-ba-dummed by the bass.

Walmart doesn't sell Dictionaries anymore,
but they sell emoji stickerbooks.

I’d really like to stop googling your name
cause I want to be honest when I say I don’t stalk you.
knowing I’m the one who said “good-bye” first doesn’t make the distance less quiet
and it’s the quiet that really drives me insane.
I got used to the sound of your breathing,
the sounds of your odd foods
and ecofriendly chip bags were comforting,
it was calming to know you were nearby.

And I’d like to believe that what I’m doing isn’t stalking,
I’d prefer to think I’m just keeping track of an old friend
who I dated, and then left, is it’s complicated an option?
I’m probably crazy, but I’m not dangerous and I’m certainly not violent.
I don’t look for your address, or try to find out if you’ve got someone new,
I just want to make sure you’ve gotten along ok.
because as much as the silence toys with my brain,
I still believe it was better that I left when I did
because the silence from your lips would have severed my soul.

I made the right choice to leave
and I’m right to keep up the distance
but it’s difficult to ignore you,
when you’re still just two clicks away.

It’s warm tonight, and the lightning feels alive
one flash starts as another begins while two more crack the sky
nightfall reaches for the falling rain
and it’s haunting,
to see shadows shift and crawl,
as bolts race across the sky.

I cross my arms to the errant wind,
but its fists beat upon my face.
Try to brace for when the thunder's on me
but the crash still echoes up my spine.

I close my eyes and smell,
the ozone, as it explodes onto the concrete

I imagine my six senses work as one
and it’s fully engaged
each drop of rain is a moment
falling and ending a million times in each second and
I live in each of those beautifully short lifetimes
caught up and split apart all over the sidewalk
remade, at last, on a porch swing
with an empty seat.

And I am still there,
bound and breathless
my world caught in summer storm.

You wake up in the same place, every night
Sixteenth and Cass, a cramped studio space,
lying awake, listening to the city jive,
texting me moments you’ve lived through today
cause you choose to keep out of my arms

“Some distance may be the best way to help
combat the feeling we’re moving too fast,
caught on the same old track of committing too soon
and falling too hard.”

And that’d be fine if I felt it too,
but I still smell the shampoo from your hair tattooed on my sheets
I still feel the indent your head left on my chest
and I have to ball my hands into fists, because
letting go reminds me your fingers aren’t between mine.
But it’s for the best I guess, because I don’t believe in taking breaks
I believe in real love until someone’s heart breaks,
and it looks like its going to be mine again

She’s got the voice of a woman who knows her art,
she’s got the face of a mistress that plays with your heart
she knows, she knows, oh god she knows
that you’re not yours you’re only hers.

And that’s how she likes it
she’s in control
you’re playing with fire
of course, that’s the goal,

just for a night, one night, tonight
the need for a passion steels the soul
thoughtless logic in the physical
all betrayed by the morning light
time’s run out on our only night

It’s not because we stand alone
or that we’ve lost all that we own
life is sometimes simpler
sometimes all there is is shown.

Nothing’s that deep
Just desire bared
call us a liar
Well be prepared

Just for a night, one night, tonight.
fingers run ove’ skin and hair
thoughtless feelings gave through a stare,
all dissolved come morning light,
what an end to our only night.