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Love Nov 2015
Happy Birthday to me
On this day 11/17
May all my wishes come true
As I send out farewell love to all the people I once knew.
Rejoice with me on this fine crisp day
But listen to the words I neglected to say
My mouth may smile and my eyes may shine bright
But concerning my thoughts within; all is not right.
Love Sep 2020
To my sobriety:
I am afraid.
But I am brave.
I hate you.
But I will not misbehave.
I am broken.
I am determined.
I am tempted.
But I maintain my distance from bourbon.
For once my mind is clear.
But there’s a new kind of turmoil in my head.
I’m afraid of the fire.
But I have made my bed.
Love Jan 2014
This is for you.

The year started out in hell.
There was family drama,
Court dates,
And DSS.
Then you kinda leveled out.
I met a boy,
Named Devin,
And he ran my world.
I discovered and came to terms with something,
During that time I was with Devin.
I came to terms with the fact that I liked girls too.
I came out to him,
And my closest friends,
And then eventually my mom.
Not everyone liked it.
All year I had been taking stick pins to my skin,
And making little scratch marks.
After that,
I moved to razors.
I had always had anxiety,
But I would have 3 attacks,
Within the span of a day.
At school,
I got bullied,
And beat up.
At many points during the year,
I wanted tp end my life,
But I didn't.
I'm still here.
Almost at the end of the year,
I started dating my bestie from 4th grade,
Named Katlyn,
But then things spiraled out of control.
Life is still hell,
But things are getting better,
Im starting to pick up the pieces.
I hated 2013 with a passion,
But I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world,
Because its the year I became me.
Love Dec 2016
To 2016:
I'd love to say that I hated you, but to be honest, you made me grow.
You gave me direction. You pulled me out of a 4 month long rock bottom depression, showed me what I wanted to do in my life and sent me on my way.
You gave me two semesters of college, and a decision.
You gave me my first teaching experience, and you taught me the true value of patience.
You brought some new friends into my life and reunited me with old ones. You also got rid of a few, but I trust that's for the best.
You explained to me how easily I can be used.
You showed me that relationships don't define me, and that even if I think I am in love, life goes on and that I am an independent woman.
You blessed me with a baby, and then you took it away. But within that you gave me hope.
You sent me through hookups, drunken texts, hospital trips, gallons of tears and two D&Cs.;
You helped me on my wavering journey in my walk with God. You led me to being Baptized and you gave me the one chance in my life to feel that I was my family's priority.  
You taught me that it's okay to not always have the answer to everything, including the question of "who are you?".
You taught me to accept the word queer and make it my own. Like a beautiful pair of glasses, this is how I see the world.
You taught me the value of family after my dads accident, and then again after the baby.
And even after all the drama, fights, murders, and injustices, 2016, you taught me that a bad year isn't always a bad as we make it seem, and that even on our darkest days, there is a lesson to be learned.
And to 2016: Thank you.
Love Oct 2014
The pains within my chest
Are nothing but the physical representation
Of my broken
Aching heart.
Love Oct 2014
With you by my side,
the world is calm,
and for once,
no thoughts of death.
You put my aching mind to rest.
Love Jun 2014
They say that I'm acting different in a way,
That I seem more sad today.
I'm not acting anymore sad,
My acting just got bad.
Because I lack a care,
In wanting to share,
The thoughts that took me.
I've stopped acting, let me be.
Love Apr 2020
I’m sick. I’m tired of breathing. It feels heavy and thick and I’m so tired of fighting. I’m exhausted. I don’t give in because complacency is easier than action. They say to take action and make your own destiny when it comes to your mental health. If I take action that means I’ll be dead. So for now I sit and wait for the storm to pass. But I keep crying and those tears are the rain. My screams are the thunder. These bruises are the craters on the mountain side made from the electrical power of the neurological lightening. I’m just tired. I miss my sunshine. I’m fried and I’m burnt. I’m so scared of dying but I think I’m more scared of trying to fight this and losing myself.
Love Dec 2017
August 30th 2017
I woke up missing you today.
I could feel your hand on my hip and your breath on my neck.
I could hear your lullabies of sweet seduction whispering in the background.
I woke up missing the way you made me feel.
Waking up beside you was like waking up in Heaven.
I felt nothing but bliss and all the happiness in the world was held in your eyes.
Those galaxies of wonder.
You held the sun in your smile and I always enjoyed how I could stare at the sun without getting burnt.
But one day came where I got burnt.
I would give anything for just one more day to wake up beside you and for all to be okay.
But alas, your mouth no longer holds the sun, only empty promises.
Your hands haven't touched my body in almost 3 months. I can still feel them as if I was being taunted by a ghost.
But your eyes are still the keeper of the galaxies.
And somewhere out there floating among the stars is my broken heart.
If you find her, treat her well. I don't want her back. She was always yours after all.

August 30th 2017
I woke up missing you today.
I wiped away my tears and just as the sun rose, I let it wash away.
Because the sun is the sun. And you are not the sun.
Love Dec 2013
They tell me it runs in my family.
That it kills every single one of us that it takes over,
That its our own curse and nightmare,
That its a silent death.
They tell me to stay away from it,
So that I dont become like Aunt Andy,
Who is an alcoholic,
With her life spiraling down the drain.
Or like Great Uncle Bill,
Who died before I was born,
Of liver cancer,
Because of alcohol.
They say that if I don't go near it,
Then I'll be fine.
What is it?
A rabid dog?
The smell of the poison,
It calls me in,
Like a Siren would a Sailor.
It puts me in a trance.
They tell me to never start,
To never go near it.
I'm already at its door.
They say its in our genes.
They've told me this for years.
I always figured that someone spilled beer on their jeans,
Apparently not.
Apparently we have what they call a "
To the silent killer.
Why did they always call it the silent killer?
Drunks aren't silent at all.
My daddy warns me,
And begs me to stay away,
And to not get involved,
But there's already a burning want for it.
The burn as it trickles down your throat,
And then the buzz you get in the back of your head.
Maybe just one drink,
What will that hurt?
Thats how it always starts,
In my family at least.
Love Jul 2014
Tu tienes mi corazon para siempre.

Why take my heart and possess it in a place where it cannot thrive,
Only suffer.

Why be so crule as to take my mind captive,
Then toil and torture it?

Love I will fight back.
I would rather love and remain repressed and silent,
Then to ever ponder hate thoughts of you.

Tu tienes mi corazon para siempre.
Love Jun 2014
What's the point in pointing the finger of blame,
And leaving remnants of shame,
That rip through our family walls.
Why must we mold and conform to what we call the "Love laws".
Rules to live by that control what we think,
But I swear I'm on the brink,
Of saying "**** it all".

You say that you love me,
And yet you won't let me be who I am meant to be.
You put on this image,
Of perfectness that seems to lack a blemish.
Would you take a moment to look back and realize how ****** up this is?
You can't because you have your head stuck so far up the book that is the almighty His.
I wish you would.

But please don't get me wrong,
I get up and sing those good ol' Christian songs,
Just like you do,
But mine are true.
You're a Christian in the walls of glory,
But every where else you act out your Christian faith so poorly.
Stop blaming and hiding behind that book.

No matter what you do or say,
My love for you will always stay,
Because a Loves a Love no matter what,
Just hold on and I promise we'll get through this rut.
No matter how we disagree,
I know that we will never see,
Eye to eye.

But if somehow by fate we do,
That would be the day that my dreams come true,
To have a family that doesn't fight,
But loves each other day and night.
That dream of mine is too far away,
So for now the circumstances stay,
How they have always been.
This is more towards my grandparents and aunts that seem to cause nothing but fighting within my family.
Love Mar 2014
What if the world suddenly flipped,
And everything you knew was wrong?
You'd be lost.
Would you freak out?
Or perhaps make the best of it?
Or would you be the one behind it all...
Behind the questions of "how",
And "what happened"?
Would you be the one that caused it?
Who would you be in this alternate reality,
That follows the path of Alice.
P.S. - If it tells you to eat, don't.
Or do,
And see how your adventure will go.
I have no clue where this came from. I just got up and decided to write it. Fun brain of mine, huh?
Love Jan 2014
How much courage does it take
to make that first step,
into something new
and unfamiliar to you?
Knowing that you'll come back changed,
and be a different person
with a new outlook on life.
Have a new
and dazzling smile.
A giggle and a hair flip.
You'll say,
"I dont know what was going on,
but I'm better now."
Smile again,
and walk away.
All the while still wishing to die.
Wishing to drag the cool blade across your skin,
and watch the blood pool up.
Its not "better now",
You just learned how to act.
So in the end,
the actions will be finished,
and you'll be cured.
But you'll still be the same
broken person
that you were before.
Is it worth that first step,
or should you say no,
and just jump
into oblivion
Love Jan 2014
Can I take a second,
To try and sort out the things,
Thats going through my head,
And turn it into a story?

Five people to tear my love between,
Is way too much...
I dont know who to drop,
Or which way to turn,
So I'm sorting it out with words,
Trying to figure this mess out.

Because being bisexual is complicated.
Can I just be married to my music instead?

So there's this guy...
Lets call him Derick.
Derick was the guy I loved.
I gave him my heart and my everything.
For nearly a year,
He was the one that I called "mine".
After school started,
We drifted apart,
But that wasn't unexpected considering we go to different schools.
We had our fair share of fights,
And dates,
And then our time was over.
Only to reconnect a few months later,
Which led to one hell of a scare.
Last night we talked,
And I think...
I think I fell for you again.

But then I think,
How can I fall for Derick,
When I also love Lynn.

I've known Lynn for years,
Shes been my best friend forever.
Shes amazing,
And beautiful.
When our lips touched for the first time,
It was magic,
That I still hold on to.
I think I love you too...


Theres also Ashley, Shane, and Cory.

Ashley was my first real girlfriend.
A person I'd known since before I knew myself.
She inspired me and led me into being comfortable with who I am.
But then something happened,
And we couldn't be together.
Every time I see you though,
I still miss the warm embrace of your arms.

Shane is just awesome.
His voice is---ahhh.
He's helped me so much,
With anything I need.
He loves me,
I know he does,
But I dont know if he loves me,
The way that I love him.

And then there's Cory.
I really like him,
And were in to all the same stuff,
But there's no way he could return my feelings.
We would never work,
And I really need to let go of that glimmer of hope,
That I have sitting in the back of my mind.

I love all these people,
I love them to death,
But I dont know where to go,
With any of it.

Derick just broke up with his girlfriend,
And he'd be my number one option,
But thats really bad timing.

Cory would be my number two,
But theres not chance,

Lynn would be my third option,
But she has a boyfriend,
And I missed my chance with her long ago.

Wow...I really hate numbering them,
But I need some order,
To make since of this.

Shane would be my number four,
But he's so wishy washy with all the girls he dates,
That I'd be afraid of heart break,
Along with that,
He's figuring out some sexuality things for himself.

And finally, theres Ashley,
Who would have to be number five,
Because even thought I love her to death,
I wont go back.
Shes too much for me to handle.

So my causers of stress at the moment,
Are the people I hold dearest to me.
All of the names are changed.
Not really meant for an audience, but I needed to write it.
Love Feb 2016
Sometimes I wonder if I should leave,
and do what's right.
I can't stand the thought of sleeping alone...
Just me and my thoughts at night.
I wrote this a while back and found it on my phone. I figured I might as well share it.
Life gets hard sometimes but keep holding on!
Love Mar 2015
Cant you see
After all this time
That its you I've been in love with...
Love Jan 2014
I am truly lucky,
To have the mother I do.
I have one who accepts me,
And loves me,
No matter what.
I should be glad,
To have the mother that I do,
Because some kids my age,
They just want their mother to acknowledge them,
And say their name.
Thanks mom.
Thank you for loving me,
No matter how ******* up I may be.
Love Nov 2013
A new house,
A new room,
A new beginning.
Whats this?
A new family?
Its the same people,
But its like they hit a restart button.
The same bed,
Same couch,
Same clothes,
Different walls.
Different skin.
Same hauntings,
Different ghosts.
Everythings the same,
But nothings the same,
Everythings different,
But nothing has changed.
Whats this?
An act?
Love Jul 2014
Its that moment when you realize you'll never see her again,
you realize how much she really meant to you.
"Only know you love her when you let her go."
Love Jan 2015
There lies a sixteen year old ******* the floor
The life slowly fading from her cheeks
Her chest no longer rising and falling in a sine.
Her mother walks in only to find her daughter took the oath of self destruction.
The screams of pure terror signal her husband who approaches the scene with no words.
Trying to assess the chaos around him, he spots a small note sitting on the corner of her bed.
With shaking hands he picks it up and begins to read the last words of his daughter on the blood stained paper.
"To Mom and Dad: I love you both dearly but I couldn't stay. I couldn't stand it any longer. The inside now matches the out. I was already gone, dead inside. I hate for you to see me like this. Just know that I'm happier now. I'm at peace, resting in peace. Please don't cry, please don't be sad. I look forward to the day in which I see your smiling faces and you once again see mine. I'll see you up in paradise. I love you. All 3 of you... I'm sorry."
Her father drops the note as his legs fall out from under him
Waves of horror flood his mind follows by shock sinking his emotions
Confusion followd by tears overwealmed him.
He internally demanded to know where he had went wrong instantly blaming himself.
And when he lost his little girl.
She was his whole world, the center of his universe.
But now his world was gone, his bright and shining star collapsed on itself.
It was still there but only physically.
Pale and gray. The only color being the red oozing from slits that covered its arms and legs.
His universe had been destroyed, seemingly strong but as fragile as glass
It shattered into a million pieces
No wishing or praying could ever put theose pieces back together.
In a hopeless despair he sat with his wife clutched in his arms and they cried an endless waterfall of tears.
There's more to come.
Love Nov 2013
There she was.
Her parents found her lying on the floor,
not moving,
not breathing.
Her mother screams in terror,
But her father can't say a word.
Something catches his eye,
A note,
Lying on her bed.
He walks over,
Picks it up,
And begins to read.
It says,
"I apologize.
I love you both dearly,
I could not stay.
I couldn't bear it any longer.
I was already gone,
Dead inside.
I'm sorry.
You shouldn't have to see me like this.
Know one thing,
I'm happier now.
I'm in a better place,
I'm at peace.
Resting in peace.
Please don't cry,
Don't be sad.
I just went away,
Its not like I wont see you again.
I look forward to that day,
The day in which I see your smiling faces,
And you see mine.
I'll see you up in paradise.
I love you."
Her father fell,
On his knees,
His body filled with horror,
And shock.
He cried,
And cried,
And cried.
He wanted to know where...
Where he had went wrong.
And when...
When he had lost his little girl.
She was his world.
And now,
His world was gone.
It was physically there,
On the floor,
Marks all over its arms,
And legs.
His world was gone.
It was destroyed,
Shattered into a million pieces.
He could never get her back,
And now,
There was nothing he could do.
He felt helpless.
He sat there with his wife,
And they both cried.
They cried a billion tears,
Tears that seemed to never stop.

Her little brother walked into the room,
And saw his sister laying there,
And dead.
That night was the night he first cut his wrists...
And then the cycle begins again.

Seven years ago,
To the day,
His sister took her own life.
He was only a boy,
11 years old.
He didn't understand.
He didn't know why,
Or how she did what she did,
Only that she was gone.
He looked up to her,
After all,
She was his older sister.
She was beautiful,
And strong,
But apparently not as strong as everyone thought.
One day,
He noticed something curious.
She had six tiny red marks on her arm.
The next day,
She had even more.
After that,
She always wore sleeves,
So he never saw her arms again.
He asked her what the marks were.
After a very long silence she responded with,
A simple sentence of,
"They are there to show that the pain can go away,
At least for a little while."
And then she walked away.
That sentence had always stuck with him.
The pain could go away.
He had never felt enough pain,
So much pain,
To turn to what she did,
Until that night.
The night he lost his sister.
That little boy,
Hes now a man.
Hes 18 years old,
And he hasn't went more than a week,
More than a week since that night,
Without cutting.
He goes to school,
And its hell.
He gets bashed for anything,
And everything.
They call him ***,
So many things...
He can ignore all those things,
But there's one thing he cant.
The one thing that hurt him the most is what some ******* had said.
"Why don't you go **** yourself?
Just like your sister.
Nobody would care."
He ran out of the school,
He felt that everything,
Every single word they had said,'
That it was all true.
Nobody would care.
They wouldn't care if he was gone.
His mom,
She's now a drunk.
His dad,
He hasn't seen him in six years,
After his parents divorce.
His sister was gone,
And all his friends are too ****** to even remember him.
Nobody cares.
After he got home,
That same day,
He wrote a letter.
It wasn't addressed to anyone,
Just anyone who would listen.
He wrote as he cried.
When he was finished he slit his wrists,
For one last time.
He went to his closet,
And put on his Sunday best.
He climbed on a chair,
And slipped the rope around his neck,
Something caught his eye.
He saw a girl.
A girl of about 16,
Walk past his door,
And down the hall,
Towards his sisters old room.
He got down,
And he followed her.
She went through the door,
And into his sisters room.
He followed her.
When he walked in,
He was overcome by total shock.
He saw his sister,
Sitting there on the floor,
Where they had found her body.
She beckoned him over.
He sat down beside her,
And laid his head on her cool lap.
She talked,
And talked,
And talked.
She convinced him to hold out,
And stay strong.
She saved his life.
She was his guardian angel.
Everyone has a guardian angel.
Some are on Earth,
Others are in Heaven.
A guardian angel is someone who looks out for you,
And someone who cares about you,
And loves you.
In this case,
He was saved by his guardian angel,
His sister.
If you cant find yours,
Then you're not looking hard enough.
Be strong,
And carry on.
Life is worth living.
It may **** now,
But life wont give you more than you can handle.
It gets better.
Just have faith.
I apologize for it being so long. Just always remember to stay strong, and hold on.
Love Feb 2015
I have a dream to be anonymous
like the great women throughout times
the ones who were philosophers and
the greatest people who ever were
signed anonymous
because nobody cares what a woman has to say.
Love Jan 2015
You picked up the bottle again because of me.
You cut again because of me.
You found love, no...lust, only a lover in all the wrong places because of me.
I ran away because of you.
I was scared to face life because of you.
I was, blaming you but only because of my own stupidity and love for you.
He picked up a blade again because of me because I picked up a blade again because of you picking up the blade again.
Let's all throw the blades to the ground.
Shatter the liquor bottles.
Let our tears flow and talk...
And maybe we'll have a little less blood around here
And little more understanding.
If not you might as well keep the blade and down another shot.
Love Nov 2013
Another year has passed?
How little I've grown.
How little I've changed.
Another year down the drain.
I'm just the same as the year before.
But smiling,
Just like always.
Love Mar 2014
As humans we naturally search for answers,
Answers of who we are,
Where we came from,
And whats going to happen after were gone.
All for a sense of comfort,
In a world that we cant control.
Love Nov 2013
It comes sneaking up on you,
And then it pounces.
Like a cat would on a mouse.
It takes you by surprise,
And it seems to rip your heart out.
It comes out of no where,
Thin air.
You're sitting alone,
Happy and smiling.
Nothing happens,
Nothing to really trigger it,
But there it is.
The pain.
Feeling your heart stop and then go a mile a minute.
Feeling your throat completely close and then open and then close again,
As you're gasping desperately for air.
Feeling the need to rip into two,
And leave part of you sitting there,
And just run,
And never stop,
And never look back.
But you cant.
You cant do that.
You stay sitting there.
You're paralyzed.
You cant move,
Or breathe,
Or cry,
Or scream.
No matter how much you want to.
And then everything relaxes,
But the pain and fear,
They haven't left.
Your body is in shock.
But now you can cry.
Now you can scream.
Now you can move.
But the worst part is over now.
So you just sit there,
Curled up in a ball,
Rocking back and forth,
Scared to death...
By nothing.
Love Jun 2014
Anxiety is a thing that will rob your lungs,
Of your breath of life.

It's a thing that has no heart and,
No compassion for worldly things,
Such as:
Or time.

Anxiety is difficult.

One second you may be sitting there fine,
With not a worry in the world...

And then your heart stops.

And proceeds to go a mile a minute,
Without any concent from you.

It takes over and controls you,
Pulls you inside,
Until you are nothing more,
Than a weak membrane,
Within your new surrogate mother.
Love Aug 2014
I have anxiety for the fact that anxiety will be the death if me.
Love Jan 2014
What if...
Humans are the monsters?

We're these weird,
Evil creatures,
Who take advantage of everyone,
And thing around us.

We had thread that comes out of the top of our hair,
In weird colors.

We have plastic looking stuff on the end of our fingers,
That just keep growing and growing.

We walk on two legs,
And stumble around like idiots.

With that mental picture in your mind,
Are we not the monsters?
Love Dec 2013
He's one of my bestfriends,
And has been for years.
I love him to death,
He's like my brother.
Tonight I think I broke my brothers heart.
He said,
"*****, I'll cut you."
A light-hearted conversation we had going there.
I responded with,
"Why would you cut me? Don't you think I do enough of that myself?"
After I had sent the message I wanted to take it back,
But I couldn't.
He sat there for 10 minutes without replying,
And then finally said,
"I thought you had stopped doing that..."
I had stopped,
For a while,
But I keep relapsing.
I tried to explain how I was trying to stop,
That it was just hard,
And these things took time.
He called me up,
And was crying.
He said,
"Please dont die."
I asked him what he was talking about.
I told him to calm down.
He responded with,
"How can I calm down,
At a moment like this?
How can I stop crying when my big sister,
A girl I love to death,
Hates herself to the point that she does that?
How can I stop when I know that every time you do that,
Theres a chance of you not waking up in the morning?
How can I calm down,
How can I not worry,
When you're the one who got me through that,
And I cant get you through it?"
By that point in the conversation,
I was crying so hard that I couldn't breathe.
And then he said,
"Please don't die.
I love you too much.
I'd miss you too much.
I'd go back,
To what you're doing now,
Or I would die too.
So please dont die."

What he said tonight opened my eyes.
Its a scary thought...
What I'm doing,
It doesn't just cause pain to me,
It causes pain to the ones I love,
And it risks losing all of them in the process.
Its not really a poem, but it needed to be shared.
Love Apr 2015
Listen to what I mean, not what I say. Because its 1am and I'm eleven poems in. I just texted "Yeah I'm fine lol" and I'm sitting in the bathtub, my chin wearing the mascara my eyes sported earlier and I'm too tired to chase my sanity down the drain.
Love Apr 2015
It seems as if I don't know how to coin a poem unless my soul is being tortured in one way or another.
**** someone get me out of this god forsaken bathtub. My heart is bleeding purple ink, my skin has turned to paper.
Let me cry a stream of poems to save myself from dehydration.
Follow the story to find out more.
Love Apr 2015
I'm done with her,
and I'm done with him.
I'm done with you,
and I'm done with me.
I'm done with school,
and I'm done with work.
Yet here I am.
"What are you talking about honey? You've just began."
Love Nov 2013
"You're so cute, I bet you have guys hanging off of you.
You could have any boy in the town.
I dont see why you don't have a boyfriend."
Thats because I don't want one.
Shut your face now,
I dont want a boyfriend.
I want a girl.
Try to understand that.
I dont care if you accept it,
But give understanding a shot.
No mom,
I'm not asexual.
I do find people attractive,
But not particularly guys.
Quit making all these comments,
And just ask me.
I know its going through your head.
You're in denial.
You're worse than I was.
Ask me.
The next time I tell you,
"I dont want a boyfriend."
Let the words leave your mouth,
"Would you want a girlfriend?"
Just say it.
Its okay.
Love Jan 2014
Laughs and screams,
Smiles and tears
A newly found love,
And "the boy I was gonna marry heartbreak".

You yell at your parents,
Hit your little brother,
And for what?
Because your mad at some high school boy,
Who couldn't keep it in his pants?

You should be yelling at him...
But ohh no...
You could never do that.
"It was a mistake."
He says,
"I love you, and I promise I'll never,
Ever, ever, ever do it again."
And then tops it off with a dazzling smile,
And runs his fingers through your hair,
Kisses your cheek,
And says,
"I gotta run, love ya babe."

He's gotta run...
Run to your bestfriends house,
Because he's bangin' her tonight.


He did it again.
It was an accident..

But you forgive him,
Because you love him,
And he "loves" you.

You throw your friend to the side and proclaim,
"Its all her fault!"

But then one night when yall are hanging out,
He goes to the bathroom,
And leaves his phone sitting on the bed.


New text message,
From some girl named Brittany?
"Who the hell is Brittany?"

Not thinking,
You open the text.
It says,
"We gotta talk, now."

"Why is this chick wanting to talk to MY man?",
You think to yourself.

"What's going on."
"It broke..."

"What broke?"
"The ****** you idiot."

"What do you mean?"
"I'm pregnant."

There it is.
He did it once again,
And ******* up big time.

Can you forgive him?
There's physical,
Evidence this time.

You do what any rational teenage girl would do...
You throw a tantrum,
Scream "I hate you.",
And run home to daddy.

You tell daddy...
Daddys mad.
He runs out of the house,
Gets in the truck,
And races down the road,
Without a word.

You go up to your room,
Because what else can you do?

You go to your desk,
And see your drawings,
A beautiful art,
Thats always been your outlet.
But hows it gonna work for you this time?
What are you gonna do?
Draw him on top of the name Brittany,
With his **** in the middle of the A?

You sling everything off your desk.
The pencil sharpener hits the wall,
And breaks,
Leaving the metal blades exposed.

You pick it up,
And begin to draw.
But this time,
There isnt any pencils,
And there isnt any paper,
Just metal and skin.

You hack away at your teenage soul,
Going through your "emo" phase,
Wanting to feel normal,
And trying to make a time machine,
With your blood as the key,
To get rid of all the hurt he had caused.

"How did you handle the pain of all that?"
People at school ask when the word gets around.
"Drawing is my outlet."
You say,
And then walk away,
Pulling down your sleeves,
So your broken teenage soul is encased in last years sweater.

A teenage soul.
At 13,
So alive,
So new.
By 18,
Its dead.
Love Jan 2014
Why do you think that because Im not attracted to you,
That I dont think you're attractive?
You're very attractive,
Hot even,
But I'm not attracted to you.
I'm gay ***,
Not blind.
Love Oct 2019
Thank God for rainy autumn mornings,
where the mist lies just above the amber leaves,
Lord, for the dragging dreary days,
to remind me of your peace.
For the mountains that blend into the sky,
like an ocean on the darkening horizon,
the morning turns to day, and the day turns to night,
then you emerge, God, showing your stars like diamonds.
Love Jul 2014
I miss her so much
that I feel like crying at the mere thought
of a memory
we shared behind closed doors.
Love Apr 2014
"I can only imagine..."
The second that hit my heart felt like it hit the floor,
And I burst out into tears.
Then there was the signal,
To release the balloons,
And let go.
Say goodbye.
"Will I stand in your presence, or to my knees will I fall?"
We watched 450 balloons drift away until only 3 were left.
3 blue ones seemed to line up,
And float into the clouds late,
After everyone else's did.
Time to say goodbye.
RIP Max, Brad, and Christian. It's been a rough week for North High.
Love Nov 2013
You don't like me?
So you shove me up against the lockers,
You push me down the stairs,
Or you trip me in the halls?
You try to beat the gay out of me.
Its not working.
I don't like me either.
I've tried the same...
Just not with fists...
Love Nov 2013
"But she was so beautiful."
They say.
Do tell,
Do you find the dead attractive?
Because when she was breathing,
And living,
Apparently she was ugly.
She was fat,
And she was a *****.
But no.
Now that's shes dead shes beautiful?
Its the same shell.
The one you called fat,
You were just talking to her body,
And not her soul.
She was already dead inside.
If shes dead,
Both physically and mentally now,
And shes beautiful,
Then why,
When she was just mentally dead,
Was she ugly,
Or fat,
Or a *****?
Apparently the dead are attractive,
You seem to think so.
Love Dec 2013
You're so beautiful,
At everything you do,
Even the dark lies you tell,
They're pretty shades of blue.

The lies you tell are as dark as any,
But you make them so charming,
You make them sound okay,
No matter how truly alarming.

You are beautiful,
A beautiful liar, that is,
But I don't trust you anymore,
Not the words you say, nor his.

He is a liar too,
His lies are the darkest of them all,
Be careful not to trust him, darling,
He won't catch you when you fall.
I wrote this about the girl I like and her boyfriend.
Love Dec 2014
I have no more inspiration.
A forced line...
Trying to describe my love for you...I come to a blank.
And that's when you know a poet it truly in love. They take your words away as well as your breath. You love them unconditionally to the point you cant romanticize it down on paper anymore because the magic you feel and see when you're with them cant be described.
The words you force for them are sub-par and inadequate.
The poems are an unwritten scripture to the one you worship in the bedroom.
Wet dreams and beautiful nightmares.
Love Mar 2014
"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder."
Or at least thats what they say.
What a beautiful world it must be to the blind.
Love Oct 2020
I want you to know
You are stronger than you think
You will be okay

Even with me gone
Hold close to our memories
They’re all you have left

Thanks for the flowers
And the bruises you left me
May they never fade

I want you to know
I loved you in so many ways
But I’m letting go

So goodbye to you
My dearest almost lover
My heart still awaits
Love Jan 2014
What does it mean to be a human?
Is it a physical thing?
It must be more than that.
Religious, maybe?
Because if we are human,
Why aren't we all treated equally?
If you're such a Christian,
What happened to love your neighbor?
Or judge not less ye be judged?
Why must you treat people,
Living human beings,
Like any less than human...
Just because they're different?
Because they don't do what you do,
Or believe the same things as you?
It doesn't give you the right to treat them like ****.
You dont run the world.
There are 7 billion people in the world,
Do you really expect 7 billion people to believe,
And do the same things you do,
And live the life that you do?
Thats just absurd.
Be a little open,
Hate a little less,
And maybe you'll finally see the world as its meant to be seen...
God's beautiful creation,
And all the people in it,
We were all created by God.
Don't hate His creations,
Just because He made them different than He made you.
Love is all we need.
God loves all His children.
Why can't you?
Love Jan 2014
I don't mind myself too much in the opinions of others.
They can believe whatever they want.
The thing I dont understand,
Is why they insist on caring about mine.
Don't tell me that my beliefs are wrong,
Those are empty words, and you're wasting your breath.
I can believe whatever I want,
And here's the kicker, so can you,
If I want to believe that the world bounces up and down,
Like a child with ADD,
Then I can,
And its none of your concern.
But just because I may BELIEVE that the world bounces up and down,
Like a spasmist child might,
Rather than spins,
Doesn't mean I'm right.
You may not be right either.
You believe that being gay is wrong.
I believe that hating people for loving another person is wrong.
You can believe what you want,
Thats perfectly fine,
And I wont say anything.
But once you start saying things about what I believe,
And telling me its wrong and disgusting and that I'm an abomination,
Thats not fine.
And buddy-boy...
Me and you are gonna have some words.
Just because a person believes in something different than you, it doesn't give you the right to hate on them. I'm pretty sure that in every religion, being a good person is a main goal. Hating a person for no legitimate reason is NOT being a good person.
Love Dec 2013
Let me start by saying one thing,
That two words cannot possibly express,
Thank you.
Thank you for being my best friend.
Thank you for being there,
Thank you for coming into my life,
At just the right moment.
There has been some days,
Where everything is going wrong,
And I'm tired,
And 1000% done with life,
And ready to leave,
And then you say "hey".
My day instantly gets better,
And I dont feel so bad.
You made me promise,
Promise to not hurt myself,
And within one day,
I broke that promise.
I dont deserve to have a person like you,
To call my best friend.
But for some reason,
You stick by my side.
Thank you.
I cant say that enough times...
I love you..
So much more has been done but this was enough to get my point across in the poem.
Love Dec 2013
Do not speak,
Do not say its name,
For it is cursed.
It is evil,
Do not even mutter part.
No M...
Leave this place.
Or shut your mouth...
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