Confident, strong.
What could go wrong?

Typed in some numbers, letters, words.
Brought me away into some place far away.

Sitting on the stool.
Heart and mind.
Into the electric pendelum.
Growing cold.

Your voice through a blocked megaphone.
Echoing softly in my mind.
But I soon went away from home.
Built walls made more than stones.

I ignored your call, that should'nt be the case.
I shouldn't be ignoring you warnings.
Building immediate walls when I hear you? That's alarming...

Running out of thoughts for ink.
My pen running out of its black and white ink.
missing links.

Haven't been thinking.
Missing moments by the lake.
Haven't been noticing the changing snowflakes.

Avoiding the dark thoughts.
Afraid that would play at my own hands.
Avoiding the mess laying in the middle of my mind.

Haven't been spending time with God.
I forgot.
I want to be by that lake.
When I would put down my distractions and sit by the sun and think.
Maybe finally looking at myself over the sink...

You are clear of mistakes.
Innocent.
You are as helpful as ever.
And that made me mad.
You were just being the best mother ever that I could ever have.
You were just being the best Father I ever would have.
Yet, I just couldn't see eye to eye with you through the virtual bridge.
You were just being the cutest grandmother ever.
Yet I shouted at you.
Glued to the screen.
My insides are screaming me to stop.
And yet I keep going.
Yet I disobeyed you.
And I didn't feel anything...
How could I?
"I've let you down..."
I said to those I have wronged, into the air of my parents colourless bedroom...
Sorry....

Obsessed with fear,
Obsessed with tears,
Obsessed with the years of pain and slavery to fear.

Alive and well,
the pain is real, you can't tell?
Awkward and weird.
Out of place, pure.

Crying inside.
Thoughts collide.
Obsessed with pain.
Obsessed with the moments filled with rain.

Too much pain.
Too much rain.
Too much to bear.
Wear and tear.

Tighten chest.
Stupid fest.
Hated feast.

Shaking hand.
Can't breathe.
Heart hurting.
Continuous gasping for air.

" I am so stupid. What did I do?"
"What am I doing!?"
"You foolish hag what are you doing?"
I am hardly free from this anxiety.
Free me...

People of cotton minds.
Implanted with chips of different sizes.
Shaken and stirred is what makes their thoughts...our thoughts??
Floating around in defiance of truth.
Floating around with uncouth language.

"I Don't Care"
That's what you write of fountain pens of sugar-coated darkness.

Floating around in an abstract, broken glass world. A world of a glass maze.
You think that by closing your eyes you can see better.
Open up.
At least then you can see the pain the world.
At least then you can see the problems of the human heart.
At least you can see the shattered glass on the floor.
At least you can learn how to love.

A loveless life is such a loss.
Such a misery of a life.
Without love. There is no life.

Floating around in fluff and wool.
Obliviously in destructive symphony.
Floating around once in a while.
To avoid the problems of the soul...
To avoid the problems of the heart, the world. . .

Plunging holiness.
Plunging thoughts.
Plunging feelings brought.

Fighting not working.
Not strong enough.
How can I fight this fight without a physical sword?

Falling highs.
Calling lows.
I am trying to find a home.
Where I can feel at peace.
Even in the stormy seas.

You provide that.
I know that.
But my heart doesn't want to believe it...
Why!?
Yearning for something I already have.

Sinful pleasures.
***** sins.
I don't want that.
I don't need that.
I don't want that....
I don't need that...
I don't want this.
I don't need this.

I don't want the darkness covered in light
I want and I need the light covered in darkness.
That pass that thorny bushes and rough walls would I finally be able to get through, and take my crown....