my mind is like an empty canvas
unsure and afraid…
that the colors might ruin
the picture of you,
of you and you,
i have in memory.

should i or should i not?
what is it that i forgot—
the words have rolled out of my tongue
yet on the paper found none;
the pen has dried its ink,
but i couldn’t find you
between the words,
the lines,
the spaces.

i do not know
if it is you that has fled
or me,
whose memories of you
i tried hard to keep
but nonetheless,
eventually forget;
even words have failed
to make me remember you.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never go home again.
My room will sit unused,
A capsule frozen in time,
A snapshot of how I was.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never see my dog again.
She will sit at the front door
Waiting for me and wondering,
Why I never came home.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never graduate from high school.
My yearbooks will sit stacked
Stopped short of their goal,
Missing years that should have been.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never see my mom again.
She will sit distraught,
Planning a funeral
For a child taken from her.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never see my friends again.
They'll sit together, missing me.
One empty seat among them,
A constant reminder of their loss.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never see my little sister again.
She will sit through high school
Knowing I can't guide her through,
That she has to figure it out alone.

If I die in a school shooting
My school will be stained.
Pools of students lives will sit,
Blood tattoos on the brick structures,
Marks of death ground into it.

If I die in a school shooting
Everyone will wear black.
They'll send their thoughts and prayers
To a town marred by death,
Forever to be the home of a shooting.

If I die in a school shooting
Will the world change?
Or will I become one of hundreds  
Of kids who have to die?
What will it take?

If things continue this way
Children will have to live in fear.
They'll look over their shoulders
Always worried and wondering,
If they'll die in a school shooting.

The poet lives two lives.
One on the outside,
And one in their mind.

When you look in their eyes
You could see an abyss.

If you looked long enough
You could sink into it.

But most people don’t see it.

Take the time to read the words, though,
And you would know for sure.

The poet lives in two different worlds.

Hey mom-dad, listen.
Hit me, hate me, throw me out,
But don't shut me up.

It was a Sunday afternoon when I thought I had you. I thought I had you with the words you had hidden away from the palms of your hand. I thought I had you when you said that you'll always have me here. I thought I had you. But I forgot to remember the words you've said days before.

I forgot to remember that you can't save me from drowning. I forgot to remember that you will always be so near yet so far. I forgot to remember those lingering, unsaid thoughts from you; that you will always be on the shore, beaches far away from my sinking heart. I forgot to remember again. And there's this certainty that I'd still forget.

Perhaps forgetting you was always too hard for me.
No, forgetting to forget you can always just be a thing I can never do.

it was pulling me in,
suffocating me,
caging me,
swallowing me,
destroying me.

the shards of solitary slowly pierced my soul,
the torment comforting me, caressing me.
if my hollowness was deliberately engulfing me
the way you let me drown in an ocean full of uncertainty
then i guess kissing death's chapped lips would make me feel the sense of being alive.

"have you been thinking of me? luna?"
                                                          ­                                     "have you?"
"you never left my mind."
                                                          ­                                     "i want to.
                                                             ­                                    see you."

                                                          ­                           "but you're halfway
                                                                ­                 across the universe,
                                                       ­                          yet my heart longs for
                                                             ­                      the light you bring."  

"i want to.
hold you."

"if only.
if only space would let me
stay with you for a little
longer."

                                                ­                                "i wear your light. and
                                                                ­             that's the same as having
                                                          ­                   you beside me."