Of having someone so close
And feeling their skin
Of having another being tell me that they love me
and it being genuine
Of feeling someone else's vibrant sense of living
and not being ******
I miss being in love with somebody
But I'm all right being me
Enjoying the people life brings

Thoughts roaring through my head, never stopping long enough to solve my own issues.
I watch as the remains of my sanity string through my fingertips with no chance to stop it.
I have been told all of my life, how I'm so strong , how they wish they could handle things like me , how do I do it , I'm the strongest woman they have ever seen.  And I ponder on these opinions and still wish one thing.
I wish I were standing there as they were standing here, just a glance through their eyes I would like to see, I would like to see through there eyes as they are looking at me . To be on the outside looking in would be a sight to see, maybe one day I'll see through my own eyes what their eyes see when they are looking at me.

feels like putting my hand
on something sharp kinda day
invincible temporary, of course
fight the system on a february dawn

where the lamp's lambent spheres
bob in and out of existence
as the sunshine overcomes their presence

first kiss with you, like hands
dancing in the fires
trying to stay warm in the winter light
an ogre of a dream, a curse to be this shadow

compared to the glow of an angel like you

I spent my whole life on a ledge,
Safe.
Watching people of all different shapes, sizes, colors, and places,
Fall for this thing called "love".
No matter how many times I watched,
It didn't make any kind of sense to me.

It's simple logic,
Statistics,
Physics,
And math.
That if you fall,
Gravity will pull you down,
And you will get hurt.

I was content on that ledge,
With no desire whatsoever,
To follow the masses in the plunge,
Happy,
Until I met you.

You found me there.
Knowing that I was an innocent,
A skeptic,
A challenge,
And you changed my world.

At first we just talked,
Argued,
Laughed,
And talked.
And no matter how hard I tried to get rid of you,
You stayed.

You listened to my hopes, dreams, thoughts, and fears,
You told me yours.
And then one day,
Without any kind of warning,
You jumped,
Right in front of me.

Scared out of my mind,
I ran to the edge and looked down,
But you were fine,
Floating,
Soaring,
Day after day, after day, after day.
And no matter how hard I tried to get you to come back,
You wouldn't.

You teased me,
You coaxed me,
And eventually,
You wore me down.
Because the longer I stayed up there,
The further I was from the only person I wanted to be with,
You.

So I forgot everything I knew,
And I jumped.
At first,
We fell together.
And it was exhilarating,
Powerful,
Magical,
The biggest rush I have ever felt.

But then,
I looked next to me,
And you weren't there anymore.
You stopped.
Without telling me,
Or even teaching me how.

And the rest?
Was pain.
Me watching the ground I was about to crash into move closer,
And closer.
Me looking up,
Searching for you,
Screaming,
Begging for your help,
Reassuring myself that you would save me.
Because after all,
You're the one who told me to jump in the first place.
But I was wrong.

You watched me fall in panic for weeks,
Until I finally smacked into the ground,
And shattered,
Into a million, uneven pieces.
Without any attempt whatsoever to catch me,
Or break my fall.

So here I lay,
Alone and scattered,
In fragments so jagged,
They hurt to touch,
Riddled with the seemingly impossible task of getting myself together,
And back up to where it all began,
The ledge.

Whisper wings glide above
So close
That I feel
The displaced air
And hear
Was that a name
Or a song
I look east
But no sun rises
The ground trembles and I look down
Where the shattered shards
Of my distant past
Lay reforming at my feet