there's this pattern
that I keep on going circles at
for everything I gained
I lost something in return
but I guess
I just never understand
which losses were worth losing
and which gains were worth acquiring

He came back the time
when I was almost over him
He walks back into my life
as if nothing happened
And **** I welcomed him
with my hands wide open

It felt like I'm in an
endless circle that I dont know
how to break
the cycle
It felt like the last time
I was holding you so tight
now you're
nowhere to be
found

It felt like yesterday
I still remember how you cried
begging me
saying I should stay

I dont mean to hurt you
I'm so sorry I'm lost
Hope if we see each other
Hope you forgive me
Please forgive me

It felt like I'm not
myself those days
I'm afraid
so I let you go
I can't explain it to
to you why
because
I am scared
and confused


I hope one day I can face you
and say how much I still love you
I know you are happy now
I know I don't deserve you

I write like an alcoholic
drinking the last drop of ink
from my pen
I asked a stranger
to lend me
some cash
for a pen
a stack of paper
to start writing again
I walk like Im drunk on words
drinking two thirds
of my shot for one second
do you reckon?
I'll be able to pay for this?
or will it cost me my life instead?
I can't stop drinking
honestly, I can't stop thinking
these words
I consider my thoughts
when I'm sober
filling up the blanks
of a memory
I try to subdue
I'll give thanks to the
bartender
whose drinks makes me
want more
hopefully I can render
some explanation
for my jumbled up words
written on a napkin
it so happens that
I found something to rhyme
to finish this line

I write like an alcoholic
maybe tomorrow's painful hangover
may be the reason not to write again

these words
hang around my neck
like a noose on a tree
take these words
take them from me
set me free

How far can I go?
chasing everything
I ever wanted
the things I thought
would made this restless
heart at peace
and as I run towards
my dreams and aspirations
I lost part of my soul
in return
Is it worth it?

How far can I go?

I saw a rainbow today
it made me think of you
sometimes you are blue
and I remember that day
you're wearing a red shirt too
as we walk around
I see violets on the
ground
tall trees of green
there are yellow bells too
we wander this
small familiar town
taking our time
walking and talking
we saw an indigo
colored car passed
by
as the sun sets
burst its orange
hues
its been a long day
I enjoyed
spending it with
you

I remembered the day you asked me what it's like to fall in love
and now that I think of it
it is the tears that I try to hold back
when I won't admit I'm broken
it's like a whirlwind that picks me up from where you were and throw me somewhere I've never been
and it was like a match sticks when lit can burn a forest to ashes with a slightest touch

"I can't promise you that love is beautiful, but I can promise you it was worth it." I answered
at the back of my head I know
much like of life
love can **** you

a friend asked me today
she asked me if I know you
I said yes
questions poured in
in the end she told me
shes into you
she knew what happened to us
and said sorry many times
but I said that was okay
it was all in the past
she said you were nice
I smiled as she told me stories
about you as if I never knew
I pretended to be awed and curious
and finally she told me you asked her out


That's okay
I'm not that hurt anyways
stop saying sorry 'cause
we were through long time ago
but please be a good girlfriend
I said

I can't honestly tell her that
deep inside I'm still not over you
thoughts about you kept me awake at night
and I still kept the things I received from you
but instead I cheered for her
and tell her to take care of you

I guess you'll never know
that I'm still loving you
this heart of mine wasn't ready to let you go
how I wish I can tell her
"please Say No"
I'm not ready to see you with someone else
I hope she'll say No

always making everything
feels like a competition
from attention down to affection
when everything gone wrong
end up in culpability
we're going in circles
then we ask ourselves
what's wrong?
we could've avoid this mess
if only you hold your horses,
aren't you tired playing this game?

Have you ever
wish upon
a star
when you
are young?
Did it give
you what
your hearts
desire?
All these
things you
hoped for
the better
might not
end up
to a happy
ending,
but at least
it gives you
something
to look forward
while you are
growing

if i were to build a house
i'll have your arms as the walls
your eyes as the windows
and your smile as the front door
i'll have your heart as the fireplace
and your soul as my light
in this house
i'll put my faith
knowing
i would finally
find a home

Don't be surprised.
I've learned to lose without crying.

How did you get your heart broken?
I've cross the ocean for someone
whom I'm not meant to be with.

sauntering the busy streets
with tall buildings on sight
as the day turns to night
city lights starts to shine
bright
will I ever get used
of this kind of life?