The surprise
As the cake comes toward me.
The amazement
As I gaze at the number.
Sixteen. Sixteen candles.

The embarrassment
As people surround me and sing.
The disappointment
When I make the very same wish
That never comes true.

The wonder
As my mother stares at me
The sadness
As I know I feel
Without my father here.

Warm and sunny am I
As I stay happy
The sky stays beautiful
As I lay down for a nap.

Quite suddenly, things change.
The happiness is gone.
The dark clouds roll in.
The storm consumes me.

Oh, how quickly times change.
Sunny and bright.
To dark and dull.
As the times change, so do I.

Why Mom?
Why do you compare me?
To the other children,
To my sibling?

Don't you understand, Mom?
I don't want to be them.
I am me.
I will always be me.

You will never understand, Mom.
You won't take the time to understand.
You won't know me.
I am who I need to be.

These feelings engulf me,
But yet I feel nothing
I pretend I'm okay,
But I just want to explode.

I need to know-
Am I crazy?
Different?
I'm a "good" kid

If only they knew-
These thoughts I've had.
Barely hanging on
Losing the grip on reality.

I saw the butterfly,
Fluttering in the wind.
I wanted to know its story,
So I followed nature's gift.

I knew it intended for me to follow,
And I did.
Into the sun's bright rays, I did.
It went almost no where, that spirit.

But then I knew it.
It was my butterfly.
My angel.
There to make my day better,
And it did.

Today was just another day.
Except I was alone,
And you weren't there.

Today was different.
As will tomorrow
And the many other todays.
I don't like today anymore.

I miss the mornings,
When I woke up
And thought, today will be great.
Today isn't great.
Not without you.