is










good.

that's why i am trying to adopt the good
and an endeavor should be treated with dedication

dear love i need you
fill my soul
you feel me...

Do you think a girl could love a boy who writes for her a million poems?  That's what I plan to do.

As the clock strikes 2 a.m. in San Jose, the mother of four calls it a day, counts up her earnings, and takes the bus home to her flat, where her oldest son, age fifteen, has put his siblings to bed, and just as he begins to relax, he remembers tomorrow there is a test, one he has not studied for, one he has no need for, his job is to be the man of the house, but his teacher will fail him no doubt.

some people condemn others.
simply cause they have been condemned by them.

are you being condemned or do you condemn others?
(mostly it's both.)

what's easier to wrestle with?

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my past is filled with oedipal encounters:
many men i needed to rival

today i unintentionally travelled (really?)
today i involuntarily travelled (no way)
today i travelled into my past:

memories of many men that i needed to rival.
due to my fatherless childhood i didn't have
a man to compete against; that's why i JUMPED at countless chances to do so. none of these conflicts happened by chance.

i picked strangers to compete against.
but then there was this day. a certain day. a secret night.

since then, i have gradually and later on gently overcome my need to compete.

i was bewildered today because i competed against another man. why?

out of the dark, i developed an affection for a woman younger than me; a brief moment of ****** interest. the competitor involved walked her home after a meeting the three of us had been together.

while they were strolling down the street, i followed them. i wanted to see what they were doing. i wanted to observe how they observed each other's attraction.

did so for a couple of minutes; they didn't take notice of me; or they were playing dead while their mouths were overfilled with squishing sounds of saliva.

and then ––  as promptly as old patterns of rivalry had emerged ––
i lost my affection for this young woman.

affection left my soul like a spirit leaves a dead body. the affection vanished into thin air since it couldn't find a shelter in my soul. so this wired affection went on a quest for another creature.

i didn't say goodbye. just wrote something down.