I am the queen of what ifs
Sitting on a throne of could've beens

My fears are my loyal subjects
Escorting my dreams to the gallows

My ambitions are now prisoners
To my court of procrastination

I, the queen
Reign over all of this regret

a bottle of wine and some cigarettes
I'm calling off all my bets
I pray for hope, ain't found it yet
I guess this is all I get

a pair of boots and a dusty trail
I walk alone and tell my tale
I do my best, but I don't prevail
I guess it's all a fairytale

some cigarettes and a bottle of wine
I will get along just fine
to try to defy what's in my mind
I guess sometimes I might be blind

a little smoke and a little drink
I'm no longer on the brink
a dying mind, it starts to stink
I guess I just need time to think

a bottle of wine and some cigarettes
I'm holding off on all my debts
I guess I'll live with my regrets
a guess is all a guess begets

The subtle buzz of recognition,
High pitched squeak of a hello.
The gentle hum of conversation,
Small talk with friends you barely know.

A small acquaintance fills the silence,
Keeps you from fiddling on your phone.
But it breeds only temporary compliance,
And I would rather sit alone.

When we all see
the stars will be
speaking of a place
a universe of space
one where anything can happen

When our lives derange
it all feels strange
no one knows where to go
or who to be when they're low
but that is when anything can happen

His eyes are locked on you,
Daring you to flinch.
Everybody's starring,
But you cannot give an inch.
Everything you have--
Everything that matters--
Has  been melted down and made
Into your armor, now battered.
The fight for him is just for sport,
A way to gain some scraps of honor.
The fight for you is for a life--
Consequences far more dire.
You cannot turn and run,
There is no option of surrender.
The loss of souls or souls conserved
Won't be how victory is measured.
Neither choice would end this fight.
You're fighting everyday.
And ending confrontation
Won't take that fight away.
The odds are stacked against you,
You'll die before the fighting's done.
But you will stand your ground
Even if you're the only one.
For it wasn't choice that put you here
But rather unlucky birth.
And this fight will take your life
Even if that's not what it's worth.

If you were broken, and i had the parts to fix you
i would work on you both night and day
but, i'm afraid the parts that i use would mix you
and take the best parts of you away

The pressure’s building up
I feel like soda that’s been dropped.
I feel like I’m about to explode
And I know that soon I’ll pop.

I know what’s about to happen
And I need to escape this room.
Where I go, I don’t know.
But I need to flee the impending doom.

I need to get to the clinic.
There I know I’ll be fine.
They always knows what to do;
But can I make it in time?

But no, it’s too late.
My soda bottle has blown.
I am no longer able to move, for
The seed of anxiety has grown.

Now I’ve collapsed, and
My rational side has died.
I can’t handle this-make it stop!
My strength is again being tried.

All the techniques I’ve memorized
Have completely flown my mind.
All the things I have prepared
Are suddenly unable to find.

“Don’t forget to just breathe!”
Ah, yes, the mantra of those “helpful” ones.
Well, here’s a newsflash for you-
Being told that helps NONE!

My lungs are overworking now,
And my heart is beating fast.
And every single breath I take
I fear it might be my last.

My hands have spiders in them.
My brain has gone offline.
My vision’s getting foggy;
Please- just don’t pass out this time.

My mind is leaving my body
And it’s floating freely in air.
I’m no longer able to feel anything
Please help me; I’m so scared.

Now I’m descending back to my body
And I can feel every atom around me.
It’s too much-make it stop!
Why can’t anybody hear my plea?

Luckily I calm down
Before my monster gets his way.
He’s returning back to hiding now
But I know he’ll soon come back to play.

There are discourses in life
That cause strife
Small bumps
That cause rumpus
Small healings
That cause feeling
Bows of depreciation
That cause apprehension

Discourses of the heart
Discourses of the mind
Discourses of the soul

Things that need to be told