I've killed god,
so nobody knows where
she is-
But if the angels are good and
the demons
they decide to strip me from all
forgiveness
and who I had coveted in flesh
and psyche-

Maybe within her eyes:
I'll finally find,
I'll finally hold,
I'll finally see,
that nirvana I once
caressed with blood-dipped fingers,
blooming and blooming,
oozing and oozing
out of her pupils
I never noticed had
already began to dilate.

Dilating and dilating-
dipping and dipping-
digging and digging-
for something that only
surfaced once.

However,
I had dipped my fingers too deep;
too intimately,
and in a school bell's single ring,
I had gone and taken us
from heaven to hell.

- eozyoh. 14.12.17/5.1.18

My failures cascade down my flesh
Wondering, will you make me whole again?
I don’t even care to try
Better to clutch this bottle and
Let the amber hit my throat
Better to soak my suffering in brown
And let the sweet haze take over me

I feel you festering in my throat
Searing my lungs
Living in the moment, I inhale my self-destruction,
Casually chasing my own death
But you give me more warmth than they ever do,
Your toxicity on my tongue
Tastes so much better than their words

Eyelids flutter,
Tonight I am alive.

when we used to speak, i found comfort in saying whatever i so thought
i looked forward to spilling the contents of my brain into the open air,
allowing you to take in the sights and sounds of the sentences my lips were forming around

when we speak now, all i feel is a glass sheet sat on the tops of my teeth waiting to shatter under the pressure
of the conversation
now, i have to be careful with what i say, otherwise,
the shards would find their way down my throat causing nothing but more pain, and more blood

now, when we speak, the words i say feel different against my tongue
they taste metallic and damaging
like lies and betrayal
rather than sweet memories and fairytales
like sugar cubes
and honey