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Aspen S Mar 18
i have been swallowed by
my own reflection;
bones protrude through
pallid thin skin,
organs caving in
my stomach hoards a
swarm of bees,
buzzing through the
empty cavern that is
my translucent flesh.

i am a ravenous dog
teeth bearing,
devouring only water and air

i purge myself clean,
spill out empty calories
and irrational rumination,
skeleton hanging out of
a hollow casket,
appetite smaller than my waist.

i am freezing cold,
lanugo littering my body,
wanting to throw myself
in a fire,
to feel the warmth
that others feel.

i am a void -
this body is not my own.
on having an eating disorder.
  Mar 18 Aspen S
My worst is faced with disassociation, questioning my own sanity, looking in the mirror whilst listening to the softness. Though, disassociation breaks those boundaries, It’s weird. I don’t want or feel comfortable with defining it and at my best, I don’t care to. At my best I embrace the stares as simple acts, the finger pointing as fascination but at the same time, I’m living in my innocent normality which shifts internally and in my choice - privately, your eyes should do the same.
  Dec 2020 Aspen S
hold me. i demand it. tenderly.
splay your fingers the long of my spine atop my shirt,
press your chest to mine and caress caress caress me.
clutch at my hips and let your fingertips
leave bruises to prove you were there.
nip at my lips, my cheeks and *******.
lap hungrily, dig your tongue into tender flesh.
drag your mouth over mine,
over and over and over and over.
i want to taste myself more than anything.
  Dec 2020 Aspen S
Leyya Sauna
home made ginger beer
raw ginger, desensitize together alone
in the dark. make it high potency

shave it into super tiny pieces
a pound and a half of it
pour boiling water over it

seal it like you seal me
in an air tight container
i’m suffocating in ecstasy, kiss me
in bliss, i asphyxiate in your arms

let it ferment two days
my heart growing fervent dip your tongue
the spice kicks, i’m crying nothing sad

ginger takes me, bites me
one look at all my wrongs
decisive and rights me

i want our bodies to meld
and quiet i’m crying
  Nov 2020 Aspen S
i'm flaming.
burning, red heat and soft flames licking at the edges,
setting fire to the cotton on my chest and my legs,
smoldering embers taking over my skin and
i like it.
Aspen S Nov 2020
my heart throbs with every breath.
bodies hit the ground one by one,
and i am left with the smell of copper and sulfur
swimming in my nostrils.
fevered with fatigue,
and twisted with despair,
i run;
i run till my legs go weak,
till my lungs shriek,
till the tears in my eyes run dry,
and i am held captive on this road of brutal ******
and merciless destruction.

there is no refuge,
no safe haven -
just hollow spirits
combined with empty caverns
where organs used to reside.
gunshots echo in my ears,
am i really here?
why is the smoke swallowing me whole?

i have no home,
so i hide;
i trip over emaciated fragments
of my family,
hesitating to hold them.
where's the hope?
im back.

this poem is about the Rwandan Genocide. i wrote this a couple years back, when i was still in high school.
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