The floodgates
                      have opened
                  and the tide is high
            the dam has burst
    in explosion
of tear-bombed third eye
      saltwater rushes
           culling dark demons
              from the deep
the most buried
of creatures
awoken from sleep
viperfish and tube worms
                     vampire squid
twirling their tentacles
to summon the id
squelching up
                    impulse  
from sinkholes of mud
primal instincts excavated
                     from tombs
                          of slick crud
Deep-seated fears
have been beckoned to play
to disregard tears
take resistance away
and while blown over
by this twisted abyss
she remembers a flicker
            of the shadow of bliss
      and like a mermaid rising        
up towards surface
                      blue heights
she grasps at the cirrus
leaking tendrils of light
pulling up hand by hand,
in sea-tangled vine
a vague sense of sweetness
flushes out brine
and when she breaks through
                           the surface,
her heart like a sieve
she finally owns it-
the power
       to
            breathe

arching my back
the sparks fly
like shaved metal
off of my sternum
as something
like happiness
flecks through
in metal firebuds
that screech coming
over me as a
wave washes
through my
molecular structure,
inside the libations
held up to the
small goddesses
running through
the rush of
the chainsaw shrieks
of bloodstream
now a fomenting river
of tiny waves
cresting made up
of my tears
shed all through
the mineral-encrusted
night
Now those tiny deities
with singing plumpness
of breast and thigh
indigo radiating
from their third eye
are dancing
inside my being
as I strive to catch
the shadows that
only just surrounded
me in that last hour
of plague
of chasm-patched torment
tears insulating me
until I could not see
for the steam
just on the edge
of inability to
contain my
filtered out
pre-injected rage
Here I now sit
a few inches above
the grasslands
lotus in each palm
pumped
with manifestation
in my very fingers
                       of life

and to you
I make myself
           a gift
to be held in palm
unwrapped
s l o w l y,
an
       ever-
evolving
apparition of
            sculpture,
       malleable
yet firm,
with backbone
  
       and as you trace
your fingers
upon the small
      of it,
running them
               over
slopes
         of spine
watching my skin
          slip from
rough ache han
                     gi
                         ng
to
smooth quake
know that
      underneath
crisp wrappings
of papery
         gossamer
beats the ultimate
of ceremonial offerings:
the present of
       my presence,
fiery,
            pulsing
shimmering like
blood on lava
ready for you
to dip your
      heart into
         lips parting
as my breath fills your
     spirit's cavern
slick dip
        of opening
as you draw
    shadows from
my deepest
Cimmerian caves
  ******* them through  
in siphon's pull
to the side of light
        until
around you and
deep inside
you split
me
  oh so gently
and fully
completely
    apart

architectural mollusks
    are falloping through
                              my brain
                        squeezing past the
                         instincts that
        have kept me down
My instincts,
              once brittle sea stars
                          that splintered
                                    into cracked
                                 peppercorns,
                 are now mixed with
           the breathy liquid
        of squid,
lubrication for
the spiny paths ahead
They blow their ink
between my
inverted vertebrae
      injecting Jello into bone
                           busting through
                        fiber and tissue like
                          fresh-skimmed
                    lavacream
and all my muck
rises to the top
in a neon rawness
that I find beautiful

Soon
my burning crevices
will be cooled
fossils will turn to flesh
and, as sure as knowledge
springs into action
I will make
for the shoreline
like a cephalopod rocket
silky smooth
my fins spun into wings
touching magic
as they glide

The mind, the soul, the heart
sometimes craves
another part
the reverse imprint
of
a smile, a touch
that shows up
from the inside
sometimes in long drawn out
                      chain of circles
sometimes in the quickest
                  feather patterns
just touching in the lightest brush
the slightest echoes of the soul
Sometimes in an unexpected rush
                 like tidal oceans' flow
it's like a missing puzzle piece
it's like playing
          hide and seek
we are searching for a fit
we are searching for that shape
We are hoping
          as we run and search
from room to room
to soothe that inner ache
and in my dreams I'm playing tag
                    from my grasp slips
                                       whoever's "it"
playing endless hide and seek
straining at the bit
and it should be all fun and games
It should hold adventure true
but the only game is pain
and I emerge
quite black and blue
for hours and hours in the maze
hiding my true self
hoping to be found
for the glacier to be melt
with heated words that make no sound
and loving knowing eyes
                that penetrate through layers
   that look upon me, wise
No need to talk
or even think
no conversation needed
just a true connection
a bond
a communication completed

The truth is all there
  right beneath our skin
ready to be bared
it's surface, rice-paper thin
I have been way too long
in this murky room
always playing in the dark
sitting in the dusty, shadow gloom
and now a river's running through
the hallways of my heart
furniture is floating
walls just break apart
So if you find me, now
In this game of hide and seek
know my heart is now open
to the raging cosmic beat
run with me, if you dare
through that sparkling darkened door
My spirit-love is freed
and I couldn't
ask for more

As the roof crashes down
and comets fly above my head
as I run through all the chambers
dodge spinning  tables, chairs and beds

I crash through the door and draw
my sword
for I will keep up my fight
      for vitality to keep surging
through my soul
as I leap into electric
light

I know
you must go
but before
you do—
please understand
that this knowing
and feeling of
                       y o u
even before we met
was never limited
                     to this place
it is a continuum
    on the spectrum
        of time and space
that power
of seeing into the soul's eye
recognition of spirit
talking straight into "I"
gentle wisdom, soft words
with burning truth
hard lessons learned
from the echoes of youth
reaching out, into skies
  voices in the night
ready to battle enemies
for each other's spirit-fight
       and no matter
           where you go
into the dark , into stars
I am here. You are there.
A couple million miles,
but not really so far
I will always
         listen to it..
that quiet vibe
beneath the surface
and I know that sometimes
changing place
is also changing purpose
So, yeah, while I will miss seeing
the letters of your name
that is not the real essence
that is not the aim
A slight switch for you
                          in direction,
but on the same road we stay
let's face it:
Our hearts
are bound up
with each other
anyway

You rise up
        in the room
of my heart
like those gentle
       spirits,
Nightly
you whisper words
that trip over
         the tongue
and slip down
the silk of my body    
        swirling and whirling
into silvery dreams
as I sleep
       weaving patterns
in my mind
and staining my thoughts
        with love

My thoughts
have  become
      as iridescent
as tiny pearls
of dewdrops
     They are enough
to fill a spider's web
and make it sparkle
      They are enough
to quench my aching thirst
for each one is filled
         with whole worlds
other dimensions
that only we,
     in our secret language of
matching souls,
can behold

knee-deep in forest,
a wellspring of
multi-colored liquid
joy, bubbling
in frothy
peaks
my inner eye open wide
at the sacred wonder
of it all
glory of divine
earth water fire
wind in my soul
sunlit scarlet on
leafveins in this
garden feast of the senses
If heaven were imprinted
upon the runes of my body
a soulmind, shimmering
crystals in heart
then this
is it
nothing less
than spirit
coursing through blood
in untamed rush
a wild creek
teeming with freshness
and trout
deer peeping in shyness
and I am all
      lit up from within
as the hues of life
run through me
pulsing energy
filling me up
in deepest
strokes
of
air,
of trees
of mountain
here
even the stars
seem to call out
my name
and, in ever-depth
in focus of heartwave,
I listen

Sometimes I feel
that what I have
so closely
right next to me
is so very far
there is distance
that cannot even be
named
while inside me,
a wildness
that cannot be
tamed
and I long to
break free
travel to far-off lands
get closer to
myself
as I take the spirit-reigns
into my own hands
And all the while
as I wait
trying to find that
perfect moment
for escape
I gather the warmth
and light around me
wrap it around as one,
close energetic blanket
let it charge me up
refill the spots
that have become
empty
rejuvenate that
private inner sanctum
that so few can see,
those who know
and understand
the irony
for on the circular map
marked in cities, towns
and roads
are the ones physically far
who hold me so very close
the ones who know my mind
the workings of my heart
who help gather me into wholeness
when the seams threaten
to rip apart
They know
the meanings of the ways
that this heart spills into verse
and I see how physical proximity
can be a blessing, or a curse
because when it's an illusion
it cuts right to the core
stirring up pure loneliness
bringing longing to the fore
a heightening of confusion
when the door slams in your face
and you wonder why, in your home
you can feel so out of place
And so I bless this map
mark with pins my states of love
countries and landscapes of kindness
felt through the airwaves above
and with my own love in return
I immerse all the beautiful souls
We all share the struggles and victories
provide calm
when it's out of control

I cast forth my heart to you
Let it crackle through the wires
its electricity connects
and like magic,
sweet
love
          transpires

Inside this
depth of the perpetual,
I hold onto the light,
learning that
it is not an illusion
but a constant
            fire within
hard as metal
simultaneously lava soft
no longer boneless,
lumped jelly
              in a flaccid bowl
Instead I am bowled over
with new power,
plugged into
my own electric universe
in rushes of ******* voltage
that was always waiting for me
to see it
to allow it inside
the tissues of my body
to flow up and through
intestines, muscle, heart and bone
threads from
                 a glowing orb
that slake
and snake through me
like a river's glory
leaving the spirit on edge for more
and I am ever grateful
to take that light
                  spin it into a gift
                       unwrap it slowly
                            drape it
                              over me like
                                 a flowing,
unstitched garment        
pour its liquid-tipped velvet
onto my follicles, sensitive
tender luminosity
touching all the right places
its silvery essence
flooding me in
drips and slips
healing all the lost
and lonely places,
desolation's imprint
hollows of brimmed-over    
                        despair
I have become
a quivering, stellar bud
bursting forth, each day
                       burning into new
rebirth in quenching torrents
ripe as ovarian silk
soaked in
cellular juice
inner seeds ready to be flung
unto the earth
into the wilderness
into expansion
ready to
bloom
          and bloom
          and bloom
   again

One small moment
can be so infinite,
in vibrations grand
as I watch the universe
                burst forth and expand
I sit upon the desert's ground
feeling the abundance
                     of Life, abound
How it envelopes me
          and takes me in
as I become one
with the cosmos,
           stars exploding within
It swallows me whole
into vastness so sacred
for we are all enfolded
across ancient
        frames of time
our condition vulnerable,  
                 souls naked
looking out into this
diamond-flecked magnitude
in crystalline,
                   sublime
For inside that far away,
milky density
of celestial spheres
we are part of the now
part of the here
        and, as the firmament      
continues to move
my starry-eyed soul
        begins to groove
******* state
from meteor's flash
tranjectory arcs
in a second's bright dash
A miracle of
cosmic magic unfolds
before our very eyes---
a gift to behold,
            a spiritual prize      
and as we hold our breath
from meteorite to star
I think about this
concept of far
ponder upon the waves of space
                                     and time:
an axis of fine-woven threads
                                that binds
and know that under
these spark-induced skies
our journeys fuse
             our hearts,
                   our eyes
Our spirits the
reflection of comets' haze
our dance of
shooting stars,
             ablaze

It's hard to know
where to go
from here
empty pages
            in my book
unwritten before me
and the vastness of ocean
washes over this desert
blurring the lines
between the
wounds inside
and perceptions
               of reality
I am stuck
in this foreign place,
a fine-chiseled limbo
etched upon
           my face
My past strong
behind me
pushing my limits
to the hilt
fingers brushing
new firmaments
                of grace
spilling silver
              from silt

I am ready
to see the future
burst forth and unfold
ready for my
raw elements
to be spun wildly into gold
these invisible wings
after years of
being wound in
            tight, rigid curl
are stretching out slowly
being coaxed to unfurl
And here I stand
my feet sturdy as roots
as the sands of time
bud tender shoots
my eyes locked to the stars
fixed in sanguine dream
no need to staunch
the flow
           of liquid
that freely streams
It pours out
from my eyes,
this river of salt
because growing pains
        sting --
it's nobody's fault
Yet it's
tearing me up
into coarse,
ragged strips
descending
upon me
with scratches and rips
and for every burn
branded into my flesh
new insights
are woven
from putrid
               to fresh
For every laceration
I bear upon this heart
there is a gleam in the garden
as seeds germinate
               their start

And as my soul opens out
      expands in deep
           vital glow
            I am as
             a child
who still needs to grow
Her moonlit eyes
set on
          unknown realms
her pillars fallen,
senses overwhelmed
vulnerably jaded,
yet unafraid
because stars  
sometimes
burst into
novas
creating
new
      light
             from
         shade

When
that stillness comes
and centers -
        all the chaotic parts
flying in the air
slowly, in circles
         come to a gradual halt
and tranquility
washes over
like a sweet, low tide-
this is the time
to release all ego
and bid goodbye
               to pride
Emotions come
           emotions go
it's all a part of
       the same cosmic flow
When I close my eyes
I can feel my mind
I am ensconced within
an aura divine
in the tiniest of whispers
like an echo of ghosts
above my third eye
my heart seems
                  to float              
I am connected
to the stars
they speak my name
and inside that heart,
             a golden flame
burning in passion yet
also in faith
in the ability to get through
the darkness in strength
In moments like these
I reach out to the earth
                     growing my roots
in grounding rebirth
I can hear them forming
in soft crackles
     my fingers sprouting
tender green shoots
In my moments like these
my mind is released  
to purity of air
I am wrapped in my own glow
Away from self-judgement's
                                       harsh glare
       and the scepter of peace
inside my body
so lovingly reigns
as coolness of water
slakes through
my veins
My ventricles fill
with the breaths
                          of life
releasing up to winds
stress and strife
I bless each one
with a barely-uttered phrase:
May there always be
times of spiritual ease
with the silent magic
         of moments like these

Somewhere
in a dream
I gaze at sadness
      inside the folds
              of soft suede
     in hues of earth,
in its darkest shades
  and up surges longing,
breaking out
  breaking free
    a catharsis of emotions
rushing stormy
through me
Bursting in my veins,
now a river of tides
    from the swirl
               in my brain
      to the swell
of my thighs
and every inch
            of skin
aches with want
for a lost, ancient treasure
and I wonder
how ties
supposed to bind
were meant
     to be severed
for I am stuck
in this limbo
this dance
        between stars  
as the pain
in the staying
makes room
for new scars
and I'm thinking
that vows made
sometimes need
to be broken
before the soul
dies
in dark silence,
inner
   words
         never
   spoken

Inside the darkest garden
in this castle of
roots and knots
                  with ancient shadows
                      that come out to dance
                         in consistent moonlit thoughts
where my body starts
                     to swirl and sway
                     my spirit stirring free
inside the bones of
                underground caverns
where I have found
the once –buried remnants
           of me
Here.      
Antiquated magic
            is rediscovered              
next to dark-aged
weapons of layered rust
in the ghosts of the tears
of the collapsing fears
           that quaked the bridges of trust
where the unlikely
traces of self-love
never did really die
and despair in its
quiet torrents
prepares to release and fly
        
Here.          
I embrace the night
               in its fullness,
drink it up
          like temple wine
accepting all the dark within me
letting its light fill me
in vibrations,
              divine
In most scintillating strength,
my inner swords enhanced
in sharpness,
                in potent length
before my armies
                       advance

Here,              
in wild mossy corners
the blackest of berries grow
round and perfect, on
the edge
                     of bursting
revealed only to those who know
that clandestine language
of echoes of loneliness
that wander breathlessly
                           and roam
clutching their essence
                           to hold it safe
over the soil and loam
Now minerals sparkle in the
                       rich, dark earth
atoms of crystal
and stone

Here.
In this darkest
oasis of seeming nothingness
glows a
      single tree
bearing the juiciest
        of fruits
    now dripping
  just for me
and as my hunger
pours up
from the roots
propelling me in sacred trance
I find myself
gazing up in wonder
letting down
          my warrior stance

I slowly take off my armor
freeing up the fullness
of *******, of thighs, of hips
to allow that emotional
         fruit liquid
to nourish me from
core to fingertips
and to catch that ripeness
     about to spill
goddess voices calling
"Yes, woman. Now"
I, with reverence
     with honor
take on that sacred vow
tip back my head
let the quartz-snapped
air into my lungs
let that liquid
slake my ache
and,
in moaning silence
grace my
     tongue

Thank you, my friend;
         for reaching out
into the night
for seeing me through
into morning's light
         a little flash
of my phone light
Thank you, friend
      for letting me know I am seen
for letting me know
       how much I mean
for communicating,
    across the wires
how much I'm dear,
         that I'm desired
This means more sometimes,
       than one could ever know
especially when your very bed
has become an ice floe
especially when the one
who is supposed to warm you
embrace who you are
and enjoy, not ignore you
who is supposed to ignite you
with kisses
keep your body hot  
is next to you, but really not
I can extend my hand
and hope to tease
Instead draw it back,
      shocked by the freeze
For the sheets have become icy
arctic winds howl
my cat could be a seal
or polar bear on the prowl
the breath from your snore
rises up as steam
for it is so **** cold
in this iced-over scene
I'm so sick and tired
of this gelid room
So weary of my heart
being pierced by harpoons
I have tried to work my magic
apply balms to the scars
to prevent the ceiling
from growing icicle shards
And my bedroom is shaken
like some chaotic snow globe
moved by invisible hands
that search and probe
for now I am an ice princess warrior
with my map unfurled
researching ways to flee this frozen world
The kayak is ready
as I set my sights
        on warmer tundras
as I weave my lightening
and spread
          my thunder

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
mine)* and it wanders over
the slopes and valleys
of my own
wildernesses
I think of you
in plains and grasslands
sleekly wet in mountain curve
as you coolly crack the
earthly fissures
of my heart  quakes
inside
morning light
you transverse
your poetic speak
deep inside my night
your are always with me
in seeping pinpoints
of brightness
of gentle storms
you rock my dark to sleep
you are present
not obsessively
yet strongly
the way people describe
alcohol in veins
you regularly cut them
open, my heartstrings
you strum upon
their vibrations
like waves of calm
intoxication
lulling me
into gentle earthquake
pleasure and centered
breaths
leaving pieces rocking
throughout
my bloodflow back
up interspersed
between beats
i carry you
(that heart of yours)
in my heart
and I treasure
this residence
you have taken up
in my desert
blooms
faraway touch of lips
makes
pulse quiet
in soft booms
your voice soothing
storms
and you i like
sweetly in
my pulse
as seeds just
grow
i carry your heart
inside mine all day
your voice soothing
storms
my raging river
in your flow

Yes it's time
time for me to
spiral up into new magnetic forces
a whirlpool of energies
They draw me to them
beckon me
with enticing whispers:
"Come closer"
and bit by bit
I am lured
to that river of
multi-hued edges
listening to the wild rapids
my heart beating with them
My eyes search
For the shy animals within the rushes
and I spot a golden eye, a whisker
As if bewitched,
I stumble forward
lovingly guided
by my own inner wilderness
no resistance
for
I am just where I want to be
in this river of colors
its currents rushing through me
refreshing all of the dark inner corners
pouring through my pores
reviving dead skin
my organs welcoming rejuvenation
one by one by one
I walk slowly
to relish
the coolness
let my fingers drift in the clarity
let my mind cleanse and be cleansed
from those metallic acids that stung
like salt in a wound
past poisons unweave themselves
from my karma like lanterns released
into a vibrant dusk
O River
Purify me
Drench me in sweet, liquid sparkle
Make me shimmer again from deep within
Draw out my dusty melancholy
And release it into your mellow,
                               rhythmic ebb and flow
Let me ride your mellifluous tides
Let my swamplands rise up
                                        and glow
in the sacred dance of darkness
of light
of sensuality
I am ready to dive in
I am ready to get
totally
         and completely
wet

Beneath the
burning snowflakes
of my consciousness
I stand
ensconced in ice
a statue in
your garden
all the verdant,
living treasures
I have given
around you,
burst from
my womb
in volcanic fibers
molten lava
of puce
of ochre-toned
vibrancy
that pierces
through the strata
of our own
personal history
archeological insights
of who we have been
love in frequencies
that once
met their destination
echoes of fire
falling in viscous
bands of liquid
upon my outspread fingers,
uncaught
You
once loved me in parts
  My snowflowers
will stay with us
but I will not
the tenth
of me that you see
is already disappearing
worn down
from your stance
of constant dark
not the dark of richly
pungent mineral layers
of blackest black
but lackluster
in taste and texture
no match
for my warrioress heart
For deep inside
this clear glass casing
are rivulets
flash floods
about to break
the gelid frost surface
bursting through
in cracks
like end-of-winter
river rushes
like seismic explosions
sulphur-rocked
My wild totem
is emerging
antlers glowing from
my crown
They are clashing
rustling up trees
whipping winds of magic
that tumult
right past the
icicles of your posture
And the last gift
I will ever
give to you
are the shards
that have already
melted from my
own estric heat
and, even then,
you will be too numb
to understand

and now, comes
       in resonated whisper
*my soul is out the door

I am no rock
my heart
is not made
of tiny bits
of stone
it will not
be crushed
like a pile
of ground-up bone
it might be
washed upon
shores
like the most
miniscule of
treasures
found in sand,
unseen to
naked eye
yet so full of
iridescent magic
in a spectrum of colors
a secret world
unto its own
those almost
invisible shapes
jeweled corals
of earth
up from
sea  bottom
in foamy
rebirth
but I will take it
(yes, my heart,
in rawness
and thunder)
and hold it
and nurse it
before it goes under
I will rock it
and soothe it
before it calcifies
as the ocean
invites endless
salt from
my
eyes

Laying down in deep sleep
I see you
looking at me
from across the room
a holographic image,
as you lay down, too
in your faraway bed
in your faraway room
but your eyes, locked on mine
this is what's close
this is what's true
I feel your gaze
upon my third eye
feel your loving stare
deep inside
it penetrates and weaves its
way between the layers
of my heart
slices gently
tears me apart
being in torrid distance
sometimes hurts
and sometimes
I don't feel it at all
because in a space
beyond the ticking of clocks
in a set of hours
that exists beyond locks
in a private universe
that exists just for us
you are right here
breathing next to me
your chest rising with each
deep, relaxed breath
your mere presence
catching
           my
               fall
and as your eyes
radiate love into mine
from that bed across
the zoneless moon
our hands reach out,
fingers intertwine
two souls soldered
in landscapes separate
yet spanning the waves
across time

(and our nightair kisses
fly like the tiniest of flowers
confetti gliding
voluptuously sweet
and unfolding
in raging, perpetual
         bloom)

I have got this hunger
A craving, you could say
It comes to me
When I least expect it
And won't go away

It enters my bloodstream
Pulses through
My veins
It doesn’t care
Whether I am feeling
Pleasure or pain

It pumps into my heart
It slides upon my skin
It takes me over,
Without and within.

When I get his hunger,
This craving
This urge
All of my senses
Start tripping
My emotions in a surge
Like rushing water
Upon a calm lake
Oh, please, I beg,
Fulfill it…
For Heaven's
Sake!

It takes me over
Occupies my body
My brain
And I feel that if I don't
Scratch that itch soon
I will truly go insane

I look towards the heavens
I pray with all my heart
Please, help me to satisfy
This great gaping want..
For I am burning up
Inside my own strife
If I do not feed
This Lust
for Life

We are not really broken
until we are broken
       and then we mend
and break again
      until our bones
become smashed
to smithereens
mapped into tiny lines
         and cracks
with some darkness
        in between
white matter, crushed
             into jigsaw pieces,
laden with blood, with spit, with silt
until the despair
that fear releases
interacts with self-blame
           and guilt
And how they weigh upon us,
these layers of pain
like heavy blankets
on our contours, in the dark
the maze of our pasts
thick upon us
as we strive to envision
                             a spark
perhaps just a tiny glowing,
at first, a barely felt
shadow of light
a glimmer, a whisper of
           knowing,
a drive urging us on
           to fight
and all of our minerals
rub off in sparkling crystals
as we brush up
against the walls
of that ever-blackened tunnel
as we stumble
and steady the fall
feeling a subterranean rumble
a shifting of perspective
as we battle questions,
spinning thick
into the whirlpool of our yearning
into molten metals, slick
We might think we can snap
                           with the ease
of a lonely brittle star
that tomorrow
could be a tribute,
              in lacerations
to the last trace
            of who we are
but it can happen, as we
sit upon, plan the edge
              of our last breath        
                       deep, subtle beats
                        of truth rise up
                to repel the scent
          of death
and, in pulses of light
                  it drifts
bends in willowy arcs
upon our soul it trips
******* light out
from the dark
and all the sharpened hooks
that kept us chained
         to the abyss
are released as
              we break free
into heaven's rolling kiss
feeling the flutters
of a new, kind breeze upon our skin
as Life's vast impulse
courses through us
     and simply wins
and the only demise
we're mourning
is the death of
          of a dormancy,
a resistance to again
receive and give
as we embrace
those little, precious instincts
that tell us to keep on
and choose
            to live

surrounded by
shell-glossed earthtones
teals on magenta
images of americana,
from native moccasins to
an embroidered 50 states
(of slices of mind)
engraved tobacco canister,
grandpa’s favorite pipe
crafted crochet blankets
spun out from grandma’s hands
like magic
one antique menorah
lit in holiday memories
books and photos in movie star
glamour mixed with
wild-haired natural
smooth polished woods and
painted cityscape, all
slick rugged cozy
colorful trinkets against
subtle plush
of beige, elegance of
textures in tandem
love’s timeless flame
wrapped around me,
like a flannel blanket
acceptance and welcome
ringing
in my pores like freedom
and I float upon this bed
in my mother’s home,
once mine
(still mine)
as in a river
flowing out tendrils
our bond unbroken
past and present bathing me
in deep-seated roots of caring
what more could a daughter,
now also a mother,
ask for

The sludge
of mud
       that creeps up
to my eyes
squelches me
down like quicksand
***** a large
breathing object
                         into
its grainy film
an antithesis
       of sea
lungs sputtering
out brain reeling
in remnants of
clusterfucked,
panic –driven
welting
and I am ready to
burst out
legs trapped
yet voice high
heart squealing
in the fire
bring me to
somewhere
it’s a situation
                    dire
this madness
cupping me through
time-realms
and I must find it
that liquid that
wet flow of writhing
struggling
breaking
            free
of those heavy bands
of slimy kelp
holding me
squirm me out
I don’t care
if I get the
muck of centuries
in my hair
for in my veins
my blood does see
I crave the sunlight's
strokes
and
        I
            must
breathe

piqued into a new glowing,
I strain at my bonds
shake the slick ribbon
of doubt
from around my mouth
sit on my hands
to keep from shaking

A storm is gathering within
my center
the hot pink light emanating
from between my thighs
fuchsia slicing through
                         moonlight
I look up
and drink in the milk
of the stars

I am ready.
to break through
time and space
mini-novas flying
'round my head
like spinning angels
iridescent dust,  
rising in slow motion
dragonfly confetti
in my hair
eyes a-light from
aurora borealis

Vulnerable by choice,
I stand my ground
push through rope and burlap
without mercy, for
burns do not matter
                       anymore
explode up and out
my soul's entry parts
wide open
I welcome the universe
letting the growing
inside, taking force
having its way with me
spidery vines twirling through
my ribcage
around my spine
the seeds I have planted
now pushing flowerbursts
through my heart
a bloom
for each beat
reflecting magenta

I had been sitting there
way too long
bound to this chair
my arms pinned harshly
by the wire
now I run with
my private wolf
head back
howling like the
wind,
hair wild
like the untamed
               journey
of my
                  soul

Like magic,
it happens
in a snap
of the fingers
on the crossbow
of time
Like the sparkling arc
of destiny
on my tongue's
plaited river rhyme
like the journey
of the arrow
as it hits
its destined mark
like the lit-up flight
of the sparrow
despite
encroaching dark
like the wisp of a
flash of the jump
of the whale
in a deep blue sea
like my heart
upon airwaves
as your aura
sets me free
and within the holes
of the molecules
that reside in
the soul's abyss
my gentle eye lens
captures your
rolling tidal kiss
in sudden turn of storm
in unexpected rains
I find myself
in heaven's realm,
slicing through
my chains
I stand here wind-whipped
on mountain top
and range
and to you I beckon
in ferocious blooms
releasing all my rage
and slowly, unraveling
my layers
I burst forth
from my
cage

Take the words
out from my mouth
please chew them well,
don't spit them out
Swallow them
deep into your throat
let them circulate,
let them float
into your mind,
into your heart
with my words
         inside you,
we'll never part
        and if
the time comes
that you should speak
in sharp punctuation
across my cheek
know that I might,
for a second,
hold my tongue
before it unfurls
   and becomes undone
it might lash out
in a burning sting
from the shock of
             the lexicon
that fervor brings
but then rage will
melt upon our lips
in satin threads
                 of fire
that burn their tips
and no temporary storm
will declare our pain
in language sacred,
and then
               profane
I'd rather bind
my lips to yours
let the waves rise up
           on speech's shores
let the tides of
forgiveness
spill out in phrases
as the moon whispers
bliss in hidden phases
and we'll forget our
periods and commas
and grammatical structures
as polished vernacular
      turns to animal lustre
as we slide to the floor
verbal cannons unfired,
                             unheard
finally at
     a loss for
             words

I split open
        right down
the center of
   my lit-up blue
                of throat,
gutterally lush
        into deep green
tumbled brush
forest heartwave
zipping straight
between the sloping
landscapes of *******
as the heavens
          take me in,
                temper my
weathered blasts
of tempest
that have thrown me back
unto the wall of ether
Impacting through
the fibers of time and
spatial relativity,
the poisoned burns
along my spinal chord
                   crackle
with the scent of sage
and a
savory-flavored wisdom
of a more enlightened age
Yes, the time
for cleansing has come
and, as electricity
trips off my energetic crown
I can only see hazy
                         ribbons of
                   purple light        
          becoming
       one large
             sea of dreams
                        fully expanded
It is time
for visionquest and
I must make ready,
arms taking in the world
preparing for
silent battle
wordless in whisperings
yet ready to howl
           
I sit back on
my haunches
eyes on lookout
heart alight
in licks of green fire
my weapons hidden
my eyes that of a child
ever soft, pliable
ready for all to happen
and I must gather
my own children 'round
like a she-wolf
surround them with the
            timeless protection
                          of my breath
               as ancient spells
re-alight in the sparks
and a wispiness, like smoke
envelopes my being
By daybreak,  
         my old soul
will align
and dance with
           all the new
        I can
possibly
muster
or even
       think
to  
     bear

She has had enough
Of looking through the keyholes
of her own apologies
observing  silently
like the tiniest of dust particles
that nobody truly sees
She has had quite enough
of being that shadow that lurks within her own soul
She is sick and tired of the flag of "sorry"
Flapping high above the breeze while she is stuck
down below
just waiting as the world passes by
She has had it,
so sick of hiding within that small silent room
as the colors fly in whirls outside the tiny window
gracing the touch of her fingers
as the flutter of butterfly wings
She is ready to break down those walls
with the one sledgehammer
that she now
discovers is in the room
Rusty, standing up
In the corner
Unrecognizable but for the cloak of dust.

Dust and rust aside somehow,
she can feel it and it is unstoppable
pushing back the cobwebs in that prison cell
that she herself created
She is ready to unfurl
Fly out into the light
The horizons of her world
are already exploding
Shards of glass fly from it…
from where she's not sure
The walls pushed back through an invisible force
that simply was there
all along.
Here, feel that dance of multi-colored
Light
Coming in with each breath
As the heart and soul expand
Now there is no way
but up and out.
Timid hands open the door a crack
And like a magnetic force
She is almost ****** through
The time tunnel of freedom
Almost….
Like the tiniest of snails slides back into the
comforting shell
But then she wields it
taking charge.
Pride is on the shelf
and courage large
Sledgehammer roars through the air
and smashed walls
lead to freedom -
not slippery as the black ice she once tripped on
but as smooth and graceful as the stride
of a delicate wing
as it licks the sky
in her rising.

I'm hanging out
our ***** laundry
tonight.
Sticks and stones
and broken bones.
Words actually do stain
as my whites mix with colors
and flow through the air,
pegged down to the last insult.
The best stain remover could be love.
But we've got a really
tough collection,
here tonight.
Despite the hot water wash, those
hard-to-get spots are
still there.
And my brain and heart are
being tumble-dried
the heat, the harsh words
washing out my pride.
My outs are in, my ins outside.
The world's a-tumble
As we wear the cloth down
to the last few threads.
As usual, we forgot
a good dose of softener
to make mellow
the words as they jump
from  our tongues
and enter our heads.
I would save my heart
if I could save yours, too
But it's just all spinning too fast,
What on earth
Shall we do?
We'll just have to hang it up as it is.
Let the world see
that there is no perfection
Let those dulled brights
be a kind of reflection.
Perhaps next wash will be better.
We'll know by then
what to use.
Perhaps love will take over,
rekindle the blown-out fuse.
Right now I'm just gonna
curl up in this
basket. Wait for the
stormy cycles to end.
One thing's for sure.
We must clean up our act
Lest the cottons unravel
We must sew up each tear
Before our hearts start to travel
We must take care of the frayed silks and satins
the polyester
before they are beyond any repair.
Tend to those stains,
Straighten each snare.
Take my love
In a many-hued heap
Smelling of sweet soap
Warming your cheek.
A leap of faith
A dash of desire
Let's wash out the pain
Rub away all ire.
Let's have a laundry party,
Tonight.
Naked on the clean bright sheets.
Let the kisses remove
the harshest of stains
Let caresses replace the words
of pain.
The only softener we'll use
Is the creaminess of tongues.
Let the world see
Our love, tonight.
Flowing on the line
for all to perceive.
Darling, we must give just to give
And then we'll
receive.

Memories
of what I never had
lurk in the back rooms
of my mind
silver-tinged
with coolness,
their icy edges
     melting into tiny
colored fires
intensity of emotion
that becomes an endless,
                 lurching ocean  
                        with the ache
                       for the close,
                     rolling folds
of deep saline whispers
a merging of souls
without drowning
            a submerging
without getting
carried out
to raging sea
identity rescued
from certain
little death
          maintaining clarity
allowing for
the lasting wonder
of seeing through
each other's
eyes, hearts in
tune beating
                   strong
always keeping me
on the edge of
the most sumptuous,
delicious repast
that even in
the most heated
moments
will not burn us
to a mere crisp,
not destroy
yet also will not just fill
in limited surfaces
a cup half full,
a mind, half alive
Instead of shallow,
quickened afterglow
     I simply know
    what I  must have:
that deep, s lo w  d i v e
to the depths
of that aquatic
rhythmic wonder
the soft, liquid crystal
                       of reflection
that is in my core
and now,
as I send
        prayers to
           the winds
        of hope,
  yes, how
I bleed,
             for
               this heart
              needs
           so much
        more

I am ready
for every single cell
to be lit up
like a torch
flaming up to
the constellations,
all past debris
to be scorched
I am ready
to spread fingers drifting
to the finer points
of the sky
to hold up
the firmament
of my own existance
without needing
to question why
I am ready
to dance on water
toes on surface
splashing
I am ready to
travel deeper, further
without fear
of my heart
crashing
I am ready
to take on
the the indigo fire
of truth
I am ready to feel
my full ripeness
inside me
blushing youth
The juice of the fruit
is just at the edge
ready to burst and to pour
in tiny dewy droplets
bespeaking the promise
of more
I am ready to turn on the switch
and let the light show begin
my auroral inner cosmos
erupting
       from within

Borderlines
        of love and lust
crossovers from uncertainty
                 to trust
How we travel
vast countries
in search of living
We forget that taking in
                           is also giving
We strive to reach
and forget ourselves
our process breached
                 in heaven's wells
And I am drowning
                in this murky sea    
submerged in this place
                 of mystery
Sometimes darkly
Sometimes bathed in
              sweet strata of light
Sometimes wrapped
                closely inside
gentle tendrils
of night
All the while speaking
the language of
       awareness and fire
my words heated-up silk
dripping molten desires
I throw to the winds
relics of ancient spells
conjure my heaven
          to chase out the hell
Polish off the dust
and shake out my soul's fabric
         air out my cells
Fill them up
          with new magic
And as I continue
      to break down these walls
         and spin off into
the astral spheres --
    I do my best to emulate
picking ripened fruit,
plucking sparks
         from the cosmos
so I may live
without
fear

Currents
of electricity
tiny pulses that
barely roll off
my skin
my skin, shivering
not from cold
only vibrations
just under
your lips
that are near me,
not touching
your eyes on me,
slaking thirst
your stare
penetrating
your hands
in the space of thickness that grows
between flesh
up against the wall,
breaking it down
the heat that opens up
between us
is like lava
and its liquid
pulls me in
then
all is a rush
my cheeks in pink blush
in this private universe
just our breathing
pulse quickening
tiny tongue curls
wetness melting
I am a pillar of fire
your touch the slow burn
as I writhe upon
this stake of desire
imprinting my loneliness
with your need
stirring up my inner forces
with the power
of your
          giving

Last night
as I sat in
the ancient temple
atop the mountain,
my people surrounding
           me, generations
upon generations,
  voices ascending
       in the wispy and
            earthbound solidarity
                 of ancient prayers,
I felt the words
               rise up
around me, protecting, loving
their intonations
           tingling inside
the doorways
         of my brain
expanding the limits
through glass
and sacred ceilings,
       up unto the stars
celestial understandings
pushing through
my crumbling
walls to break
through barriers
         from the thickness
of night
reaching out
      into purity, a beckoning
             of light
and the words, the singsong tones
passed down from the ancients    
like candlelit incantations
         grew soft, invisible wings    
             that touched my cheek
                   the silky presence of
               the grounded power            
             of my ancestors
welling up in the
         dark caverns within
and as we sang
of new beginnings
         and listened with one heart
to the call of the shofar,
        that ram's horn of blessings,
                            my knotted
loops of longing
resonated in musical notes
strands of the primordial
               in the deep forest
echoes
             of my being
linking my soul's cry
to all the people
           of my book
in a long swirling line
              down to the river,
the desert, the oceans
a tight braided chord
of solidarity, of lineage, of blood
the flesh and bones of heritage
pumping crimson freedom
Yes,
somewhere,
          in even the most
                broken chords
                   of heartstrings
                tiny wings
beat                    
        hope

The floodgates
have opened
deluge rushing in
all the shellfish
   are writhing
deep under my skin
******* out my juices
my heart bleeding
                      thick
my heart on the platform
in textures that tick
like time in a bomb
                inside a box
in my painted ribcage
just waiting to blow
like a self-contained rage

and I can no longer hold it
as implosion ferments
my insides are bursting
in iridescent
           s l o w motion
every one of my cells
            a chaotic torment

As my body shudders and
shakes and splits
in the blast
I know that my mind
       is free at last
my essence climbs
this final ascent
questions form into peace
as tissue is rent

I glance at the *****,
on the sacrificial dais,
            once inside this silken chest
  It beats as it takes it,
               as my soul rides the crest
It accepts the heavy,
on that stage,
stuck through on a spike
the world looking
                    through us
as transparency strikes
and I am no longer a body
just a traveling soul
a companion
       of the timeless
going back to my fold
And suddenly, there,
peering in
through the tender
stained glass panes
an aura flashing its signals
in blood pumping veins
Its silence is fragrant
and wild
in fluorescent
screaming hues
voices that sway me
in deep strokes of blue

and as I willingly
splay myself
upon the vaults
securely fastened
to my own demise
my eyeless vision
grazing the glowing black
                        in swirls of
slashed ancient
language

I see now
so clearly
that the dark one arrived
the one here
to take my soul
with the ember
mystic eyes
melting what is left
of my lava tripped bones
lifting my abyss
to spheres above
yes that one over there
is actually
        Love

Sometimes
we open
ourselves
in faith
in kindness
we unlock doors
in order to
let love
in
sometimes it
penetrates
all those
barriers
built up
over time
like ruins ensconced
inside the earth,
bones and stones
temples unknown
digging deep
we reach a point
where all passes through
into other spheres
then, before we know it
ever deeper
scything off of
       our fingers
into the night
as our hearts
beat ever so twirled
in togetherness
                     tender
Layers
shed rushed
often slow
and always flowing
in the glow
of emotion
and sometimes
it just explodes
all the pieces
tossed into the air
like a grenade
key removed
without warning
in sudden flashes
angel pieces
raining down
in smoldered slashes
fires spontaneously
forming out of what
was just
darkness
and all the
hearts' most
vulnerable places
crush in
velvet smithereens
upon the earth
broken pieces
of glass
sparkling
into the
supple abyss
of
knowing

I slash open
the fine lines
of my veins
to let in the
starry breath
            of night
fresh and fiery
as a snap of chaos
left out
in the firmament
                   to chill,
the frigid air
       weaving an
icy filigree
upon the black
cooling my blood
soothing the
night creatures
        that swerve and sway
beneath my skin
restless as tiny demons
always locked away,
                           within
They emerge from
their hibernation
into the gelid
crackle of air,
zipping over the
sheens of ice floes
unstopped by sudden
change in climate
frozen moss between
                      their claws, their toes
In this icicle-dipped
troposphere  
a burning
descends upon
        my tastebuds
just as if
you have
       kissed me
the ebbs
    of time seemingly  
    bringing you closer
    an energetic wrapping
       up and through
                  my being
like the breathiest of
polar mist
and as I gaze up
    at the tiny
      wisps of light,    
lustrous as the
     full moon scattered,
the astral plane
whirrs deep within me
stirring up my womb
ploughing the fields
                   of my mind
creating riverflow
from icy drought
soothing the
cuts and fissures
and rocky edges
of my aching
prophetess
                heart
Fragile yet callused,
toughened with time
as it beats
beneath the ice
soft as the inside of
a wounded animal
blessed by its hunters
for making itself a gift
to the tribe
apparently
      your warrior's
                    palm alone
                        can melt it
                       down
and sometimes,
          as I get
lost inside deeply
wild tundras,
suddenly
I'm
  found

I have been swimming in this
hot, bitter ocean
for way too long
And now it is time
for me to taste a new kind of salt
                         one not of tears
but one of unlocked secrets
from deep within the earth
mineral projections
of rooted reflections
             myriad rhythms
that cause us to dance
and weave in primal wildness
beneath the stars
as fires of night gleam gently
and the magic of unspoken words
lies moist upon our tongues.
Now, let the fiesta
of new tastes
begin
from the lips
and work its way down
Let there be a a celebration
of new thoughts
and electrified delights
to awaken the senses
and ignite the mind
as the textures of ancient runes
grace our skin
Let the discoveries
of hidden wisdoms
come to the fore,
wild roots that pour out
             from the voices of within
Slowly, I rise from that saliferous
liquid, taking in the new flavors….
                not only the sweet –
although that is
for your loving eyes
                   not only the pungent-
which rings of the deeper layers unseen
but also the bitter
as a reminder of the days
when I tasted my tears,
not realizing that
even salt has the
velvet sweetness
of victory

Garden to my left,
colors so bright
the snapdragons and sweet peas
nod their watercolored heads
in the morning's silken light
chutney-colored wall
leading to my door
shoes neatly stacked
with toys in baskets
upon the concrete-patterned floor
plants align the window sill,
marking the flipside to my kitchen
reminding me of wafting tastes
in the form of stir-fry
or juicy chicken
to the right
a pumpkin-spiced ball of fur
my Ginger nestled tight
body rising and falling
in deep slumber's purr
his springtime pillow
puffed just right
The laughter I hear
fills my ears and heart
as children, (mine, too)….play
and I sit with my legs upon the
Tupperware chair
and contemplate the day
Between my palms Turkish coffee
entices with its delicious steam
and here come the thought police
to interrupt my desert dream

Back off *******,
I'm not going to jail.

Within me
there are folds among folds
twisted  paths
like veins mixed
with telephone wires
some newer some old
Communication is getting dusky
then clear
I am sitting in that chair
connecting phone lines
my headphones on
communicating with
celestial bodies
The ones welling up
in my brain
They are calling to my heart
telling it to
Rise up
over the earth
take flight
lifting its frequencies
Yes a connection had been made
Yes the line between
earth and sky
fixed from being
frayed
a spectral kind of
telepathy
lets loose within me
and soon my fingers
get all tangled up
It is no longer important
which wire goes where
because we are all connected
as silver threads
among stars
and my love bursts forth
as mystic and pure
as fireflies
from a glowing
beaming
jar

I'm
a slippery
little otter
          under your
             melting hands
              flipping 'round
        my wet dark tail
as you make of me demands
your requests
             get me hot
make me swirl and twirl
                             and purr
as if I am of cat family,
not salt-licked sea baby
all wrapped in
           squelching fur
Now I am running
through forest        
        achingly free
        and brazen-bold
my mind in present moment
a lightness in my soul
doing what it takes
to survive
in this world of coldness harsh
indelibly finding my way
back to my hidden
          backwater marsh
for my hearth is  lilting sea
                  my kin made of
                            flipper and bone
                           my inner wild
             sings primal melody
as I leap into
what I call home
for after the rough and tumble
and inhalation of ocean's scent
after the kelp is all digested
I will place my head
          upon your chest
and breathe deep in rhythmic  
ebbs and tides
as my sleekness
enters your soul's portal,
                 your quiet fire of spark
this is where I can nestle,
                    contour-deep
in the glow of
your flickering
                    heart

And I am a Woman
who so knows herself
my inner power
alive and kicking
more as each
Blessed year
passes by
My light growing
my blood flowing
into the Universe
as it speaks through me
I have strength
that could electrify
a thousand stars
gathered over many years
of my life's battles
and wars
Mine is a quiet sort
Of fortitude
unstoppable with tears
I am my own warrioress
When it comes to my fears
I have my guides
and they know me well
goddesses and angels…
old friends
wielding
magic spells

But nevertheless
I have
A vulnerable side
Underneath the layers
Of protection and pride
an enchanted forest
of moss and green
a sacred space
that only few will see
Inside this inner sanctum
I am as soft as
fine silk
I let down my guard
as emotions flow
like milk

I am an unlikely
desert flower
Who just wants to
open up to you
to be opened
petal by petal
to receive the waters
of your tender care
most vulnerable
with her
stamen exposed
to be cherished
in the cool night air
I am delicate
as tiny spring buds
caught in the
harshest winter
storms
yet who persists
despite the odds
to keep her
cold spots warm

There is a rumor
In the foreign lands.
Some say
(especially in the East)
I have the elixirs
to tame
the most savage
kind of beasts
(Indeed,
Sometimes
as they come for a
sweet, well deserved rest
lay their huge, furry heads
upon my tender breast)

As for you, my Wild One
I think I hold the potion
to the key to your heart
to your beautiful soul….
Yes, poetry in motion
I want to bring it such light
Ignite your embers
To a spark
I could fill you up
So much
You just might not
feel your inner
Dark

But there is something
important to remember
The One who finds my key
Is the one
Who will be crowned
Defender
Of my tender soul
In all its hues
And asymmetry
Oh, Please, my love
Use it wisely
With the most loving
Of discretion
For under the armor
My heart beats raw
Laid bare
To love and passion

Otherwise
My pain will have no end
And I will have to go
Into battle once again

Now
Inside my
sacred cave
I rest
Need to re-charge
For the next
Battle cry
Lift up
Your heart,
To me, my love
Release it
Let it
fly

"Help!" she screamed.
"I'm on fire!"
But the blaze was from within
ignited by passion's light
on the way to heavenly sin
Hair a-glow
Eyes sparkling
each chakra lit up
in color
resembling the flash
of neon lights'
reflections upon each other
but this illumination
was much deeper and bright
this kindling of spirit
a vivification  set a-light
a mindfire tuned to rivet
Yes she is waking up
after years of deepest slumber
she is finally releasing to the winds
old dreams,
tattered
ripped a-sunder
They flapped on the laundry line
were torn in pieces by the storms
So is it not surprising
That now she is re-born?
Is it not to be expected
That she weaves a brand new
song
made from her inner fabric
and soon it won’t be long
that those fine-spun silks
start twirling up
dancing in the air
as her fire keeps on burning
and passion rides
her flare





"

My tears do flow
right into the stir fry
on the stove
onto the towels
as I fold laundry
behind the smile
as I place a bandage
on my little one's cut knee
I hug my children
They cannot see those salty droplets
as I think of
the exact awakening
that I am on the edge
of receiving
and now
that the chambers of your heart
take shape before
my very own
as the shy indigo of your retinas
burns its memory in my  
pair of ocean blues
and how, today,
I wanted to melt right
into the ripe,
soft knowledge
of your
smile