All strung
out
       on
sadness,
empty shells
of needles
      that injected
the next defense
      to keep me going
splayed upon
the coldness
            of metal
somewhere in a place
lower than
the floorboards
of the nether regions
of a private hell,
where no one sees
      the truth behind
the doors of
           beaten swords
of silken pictures
in frothy shades
of effervescent green
a smiling happy family
in which the
sounds of drowning
can only be
             vaguely heard
a faded gurgle
       in an ocean of sighs

Somewhere, there,
the pain in my veins
spreads like
a self-administered
                       drug
only it's not
my prescription, at all
just a parody
from the very
    sick doctor
who shares
          this house,
meant to
be a home
one who thinks
he knows it all
but knows nothing

In this dreamlike weaving
of staring blankly
into alternative spaces
when all is so heavy
that even breathing is a task
I suddenly remember
   who the **** I am
and push my gaze through
the ceiling cracks
to look up at
         the stars,
receiving their
            shadows
           of light
      like a blessing
   upon my
   nettle-stung
    tongue
and
       rise

Night comes
r
     o l l i
               n g
                 down again
in painted coats
of thick onyx
clouding my vision
as if a brightly-striped
cuttlefish,
                sister of squid
has enveloped me
in its
dark liquid
           sea ink
an opaque vapor
for protection,
a shimmering
            sheild against
disillusionment
pain of potential
         loss
endless strands
of longing
knotting in my
hair like kelp
keeping me rooted
to the sea floor,
feet ensconced in
the soft squish
of muck and earth
Miraculously,
    I breathe,
as if a sea nympth,
a mermaid
holding on to
the silvery scales
of her reality
indigo-dipped
in deepest iridescence
blending with fronds
of vibrant greens
and I am floating
within a vast membrane
     of brine
somehow nuturing,
liquid cushion
of womb-water
letting it slake
the piquancy of thirst
that bursts my tongue
               into succulence
Spiked in sea stars
like thorny crowns,
I reach out to
discover new textures
puncture the dark
with my fingers
enfold those waters
      to me,
letting them
rock the soul
          of my soul
the heart
      of the seed
of my heart
   and allow my
sonar, as powerful
as a whale's
encompassing call
to surge up
through nautical miles
                      of ocean depths,
buoyed through layers
of waves
        up unto
the winds
that ride,
     ever-tenderly,
the surface
    of
       the
    dawn

Walking down
       Second Avenue
inside trips of
       electric pulse
my eyes peeled back
to take it all in
my senses full
       of whizzing
action as I
hold your hand
in innocent wonder
I still take a stand
asking questions,
sometimes shyly
observing how I might
want to be
                    or not
colorful people
some with kids
some with spiky hair
clothes of all kinds
progressive air
we turn the corners
(Dad, are those
two women kissing?)
my eyes wide
yes I must
must keep them open
to access what I'm missing
punk queens and their friends
people of every culture
faces of every shade
some friendly some bitter
from dark onyx
          to cool jade
then sophisticated
streets with window
jewel-toned
                     dazzle
to contrast the
nitty-grit
of Lower East Side
street art
        rough-edged
frazzle
West Side laid back
in its pre-hipster scene
now I am a soul-searching
adolescent, my hair dyed
a minty hue of green
vintage skirts and short-spiked hair
feeling anonymous and happy
loving the looks as I
kept my gaze steady
inside feeling my
budding womanhood
at work, making
                     me heady
and how I remember
as a kid
going to visit my grandpa
                                  at work
way up high
amazed by those Twin buildings
slicing clear blue sky
in an elevator that moved
from winds side to side
seeing the whole world
from the top
what a trip, what pride
Flashback to later
in a far-away land
all pregnant
my mouth dropping open
I watched them be ravaged
cityscape landmarks
sawed off in the middle
like a King Kong movie,
                  our eyes disbelieving
fire and brimstone
so much grieving
Trying to call dad and panicking
(***  is he supposed
go to the WTC branch today??)
Not believing how our
           belief in people
turned us into prey
My city I no longer live in your ribs
But you beat inside me
             today everyday
all months not only September
yet today tears do flow
as I vow
    to remember

Somewhere
in a dream
I gaze at sadness
      inside the folds
              of soft suede
     in hues of earth,
in its darkest shades
  and up surges longing,
breaking out
  breaking free
    a catharsis of emotions
rushing stormy
through me
Bursting in my veins,
now a river of tides
    from the swirl
               in my brain
      to the swell
of my thighs
and every inch
            of skin
aches with want
for a lost, ancient treasure
and I wonder
how ties
supposed to bind
were meant
     to be severed
for I am stuck
in this limbo
this dance
        between stars  
as the pain
in the staying
makes room
for new scars
and I'm thinking
that vows made
sometimes need
to be broken
before the soul
dies
in dark silence,
inner
   words
         never
   spoken

We are not really broken
until we are broken
       and then we mend
and break again
      until our bones
become smashed
to smithereens
mapped into tiny lines
         and cracks
with some darkness
        in between
white matter, crushed
             into jigsaw pieces,
laden with blood, with spit, with silt
until the despair
that fear releases
interacts with self-blame
           and guilt
And how they weigh upon us,
these layers of pain
like heavy blankets
on our contours, in the dark
the maze of our pasts
thick upon us
as we strive to envision
                             a spark
perhaps just a tiny glowing,
at first, a barely felt
shadow of light
a glimmer, a whisper of
           knowing,
a drive urging us on
           to fight
and all of our minerals
rub off in sparkling crystals
as we brush up
against the walls
of that ever-blackened tunnel
as we stumble
and steady the fall
feeling a subterranean rumble
a shifting of perspective
as we battle questions,
spinning thick
into the whirlpool of our yearning
into molten metals, slick
We might think we can snap
                           with the ease
of a lonely brittle star
that tomorrow
could be a tribute,
              in lacerations
to the last trace
            of who we are
but it can happen, as we
sit upon, plan the edge
              of our last breath        
                       deep, subtle beats
                        of truth rise up
                to repel the scent
          of death
and, in pulses of light
                  it drifts
bends in willowy arcs
upon our soul it trips
******* light out
from the dark
and all the sharpened hooks
that kept us chained
         to the abyss
are released as
              we break free
into heaven's rolling kiss
feeling the flutters
of a new, kind breeze upon our skin
as Life's vast impulse
courses through us
     and simply wins
and the only demise
we're mourning
is the death of
          of a dormancy,
a resistance to again
receive and give
as we embrace
those little, precious instincts
that tell us to keep on
and choose
            to live

Like so many
times before,
she went out
into the dark
and pulled it
around her--
its cloak of
          charcoal
              staining
        her fingers
as she
grasped its
deeply opaque
fabric of smoke
turning her
eyes into mirrors--
mirrors reflected
inside out, thoughts
and feelings
brash and quiet
in their subtle
points of weaving
until the cold
gleam of shards
of the onyx air
clung to her form
like an inky abyss,
the very reverse
reflection
of black snow
spilling and seeping
into her essence,
filling the weeping
in whispery presence
until all she could do
was curl into the
soft embrace
of obsidian,
surrender her soul
to the starless sky
and let
it in

Somewhere in the realms
between transcendence
            and desire
where the power of change
always takes us higher
there walks a poetess,
who writes in spirit's muse
her words curling up and out,
                    wisps of smoke
                        in celestial hues          
She walks slowly
through the heavens
bringing down
slices of enchanted spells
and we can feel the pull
of her grounding chants
right down to
        our very cells
Her words reflect the workings
of a potently spiritual mind
connected to emotions
in a binding so divine,
into darkest ocean depths
she brings forth points of light
and wherever she steps
no matter where she goes
one feels her soul, so bright
as it lifts us up into the spheres
of music and words,
spiraling in whorls
where dust
             and magic merge
and as she walks through green,
through mountains, rivers, forest
her essence often glows
in heat and coolness,
in rush of creative flow
And yes, while we feel
this journey, these seeds
being so beautifully sown
we can take those
words of wisdom
and apply them
         as our own

Memories
of what I never had
lurk in the back rooms
of my mind
silver-tinged
with coolness,
their icy edges
     melting into tiny
colored fires
intensity of emotion
that becomes an endless,
                 lurching ocean  
                        with the ache
                       for the close,
                     rolling folds
of deep saline whispers
a merging of souls
without drowning
            a submerging
without getting
carried out
to raging sea
identity rescued
from certain
little death
          maintaining clarity
allowing for
the lasting wonder
of seeing through
each other's
eyes, hearts in
tune beating
                   strong
always keeping me
on the edge of
the most sumptuous,
delicious repast
that even in
the most heated
moments
will not burn us
to a mere crisp,
not destroy
yet also will not just fill
in limited surfaces
a cup half full,
a mind, half alive
Instead of shallow,
quickened afterglow
     I simply know
    what I  must have:
that deep, s lo w  d i v e
to the depths
of that aquatic
rhythmic wonder
the soft, liquid crystal
                       of reflection
that is in my core
and now,
as I send
        prayers to
           the winds
        of hope,
  yes, how
I bleed,
             for
               this heart
              needs
           so much
        more

Take the words
out from my mouth
please chew them well,
don't spit them out
Swallow them
deep into your throat
let them circulate,
let them float
into your mind,
into your heart
with my words
         inside you,
we'll never part
        and if
the time comes
that you should speak
in sharp punctuation
across my cheek
know that I might,
for a second,
hold my tongue
before it unfurls
   and becomes undone
it might lash out
in a burning sting
from the shock of
             the lexicon
that fervor brings
but then rage will
melt upon our lips
in satin threads
                 of fire
that burn their tips
and no temporary storm
will declare our pain
in language sacred,
and then
               profane
I'd rather bind
my lips to yours
let the waves rise up
           on speech's shores
let the tides of
forgiveness
spill out in phrases
as the moon whispers
bliss in hidden phases
and we'll forget our
periods and commas
and grammatical structures
as polished vernacular
      turns to animal lustre
as we slide to the floor
verbal cannons unfired,
                             unheard
finally at
     a loss for
             words

One small moment
can be so infinite,
in vibrations grand
as I watch the universe
                burst forth and expand
I sit upon the desert's ground
feeling the abundance
                     of Life, abound
How it envelopes me
          and takes me in
as I become one
with the cosmos,
           stars exploding within
It swallows me whole
into vastness so sacred
for we are all enfolded
across ancient
        frames of time
our condition vulnerable,  
                 souls naked
looking out into this
diamond-flecked magnitude
in crystalline,
                   sublime
For inside that far away,
milky density
of celestial spheres
we are part of the now
part of the here
        and, as the firmament      
continues to move
my starry-eyed soul
        begins to groove
******* state
from meteor's flash
tranjectory arcs
in a second's bright dash
A miracle of
cosmic magic unfolds
before our very eyes---
a gift to behold,
            a spiritual prize      
and as we hold our breath
from meteorite to star
I think about this
concept of far
ponder upon the waves of space
                                     and time:
an axis of fine-woven threads
                                that binds
and know that under
these spark-induced skies
our journeys fuse
             our hearts,
                   our eyes
Our spirits the
reflection of comets' haze
our dance of
shooting stars,
             ablaze

I know
you must go
but before
you do—
please understand
that this knowing
and feeling of
                       y o u
even before we met
was never limited
                     to this place
it is a continuum
    on the spectrum
        of time and space
that power
of seeing into the soul's eye
recognition of spirit
talking straight into "I"
gentle wisdom, soft words
with burning truth
hard lessons learned
from the echoes of youth
reaching out, into skies
  voices in the night
ready to battle enemies
for each other's spirit-fight
       and no matter
           where you go
into the dark , into stars
I am here. You are there.
A couple million miles,
but not really so far
I will always
         listen to it..
that quiet vibe
beneath the surface
and I know that sometimes
changing place
is also changing purpose
So, yeah, while I will miss seeing
the letters of your name
that is not the real essence
that is not the aim
A slight switch for you
                          in direction,
but on the same road we stay
let's face it:
Our hearts
are bound up
with each other
anyway

Only one little
               silly tiny
                       movement
can create ripples
of effects
and tonight
as I reached for the
garlic or salt
or whatever
the hell it was---
something harsh was set
I brushed your shoulder
or was too much in your space
somehow jolting your ego
from its permanent, fragile place
            You chose to take that
and make a fight
from dust
and this in turn led
to splitting hearts
              spitting corrupted trust
passive aggressive silt
swept out
from under rugs
emotional bluntness of punches
instead of the realness of hugs
Where have we reached
what have we done
All I know
is my heart's on
        the run
These little ***** triggers
       can open
Pandora's sick, dark box
unlocking old resentments
from behind rusty locks
"You will never be forgiven"
are words
that destroy
they suffocate and choke
turn real gold to alloy
and Man, this gold is melting down
running in streams
painting false this town
in shades of hurt
in shades of pain
just lay me down
in this thick desert sun
to bear this unbearable
                   splintered strain
Let me pour this liquid burden
into the salt of the cracks
of the earth
Let me be replenished
with crystal water coolness
as I, head held up in tears,
                           remember
                                    my golden worth

When
that stillness comes
and centers -
        all the chaotic parts
flying in the air
slowly, in circles
         come to a gradual halt
and tranquility
washes over
like a sweet, low tide-
this is the time
to release all ego
and bid goodbye
               to pride
Emotions come
           emotions go
it's all a part of
       the same cosmic flow
When I close my eyes
I can feel my mind
I am ensconced within
an aura divine
in the tiniest of whispers
like an echo of ghosts
above my third eye
my heart seems
                  to float              
I am connected
to the stars
they speak my name
and inside that heart,
             a golden flame
burning in passion yet
also in faith
in the ability to get through
the darkness in strength
In moments like these
I reach out to the earth
                     growing my roots
in grounding rebirth
I can hear them forming
in soft crackles
     my fingers sprouting
tender green shoots
In my moments like these
my mind is released  
to purity of air
I am wrapped in my own glow
Away from self-judgement's
                                       harsh glare
       and the scepter of peace
inside my body
so lovingly reigns
as coolness of water
slakes through
my veins
My ventricles fill
with the breaths
                          of life
releasing up to winds
stress and strife
I bless each one
with a barely-uttered phrase:
May there always be
times of spiritual ease
with the silent magic
         of moments like these

I want you
like I long
for a return
to myself
as if
to enter
my own
psyche in a
a single lit-up
journey, its
incandescence
led only by
pure breath alone
thoughts out of
bounds as
they fly off
unknown
into the night,
fulfilling
thick waves of desire
dreams in vibrations
love in realms
      higher
the cells weaving skin
go so much deeper
a craving for
a force
uncontrollably sweeter
and I know
that I am intense
with it, like that
but I would not
want it
any other way
for in this
weightiness of emotion
it's the weightlessness
       that stays
a breaking down
of barriers
that ultimately leads
to letting ourselves
open like blossoms,
to see and to be seen
for what is
heaven
but a soul recognition
revealing innermost depths
by our own volition
It is a return
to the lull
of the subaqueous rhythms
to the instincts of pre-birth
          of subconscious decisions
blood knots twisted
                     into the cord
                               of the heart
                       linking its beats
                     to a light-infused
                  spark
sealing the deal
without drowning,
your heart beats into mine
soul within soul
in connection, divine
For the inner eyes
              see in colors
beyond usual hues
and from my
innermost womb
shines a most
beautiful
                  view

Morning has broken
but she has not
it had been a long night
sinister fraught
the stars were cut
in lacerations of lace
          stains of tears
                      mark trails
                   on her face
mascara in circles
mocking panda eyes
multiple moments
of almost self-demise
wrists bound to
          sadness, heart
trussed to trust
pain from crumbling
illusions, plus
that constant,
          searing lust
Now, on the floor,
lying face down
in what seemed
              like blood,
she starts to
                 move around,
as realization pours over
in a thick, viscous flood:
She can move her arms;
for they were not
                really bound
That gag in her mouth?
it has dissolved into sound
The sound of her voice
as she gets up
        from the floor
opens the window
bringing light
            to the fore
guttural noises
escape deep
                 from her throat
and before she
knows it, the
room starts to float
furniture circling
as the energy takes
        and she lets in the air
             fresh as new fate
her cuts balmed over
         winds whipping up her hair
marks from taut ropes
smoothing over to bare
and the light bursts in
          in a blast, in a whoosh
like bursts of starlight
cutting in with a push
they seep into shadows
pulsing over the dark
the howling rescinds
          in an explosion of sparks
blocks of pain that held
her chained
are knocked over
and the lightstorm
                keeps coming
her inner percussion
just doesn't stop drumming
      And as she flies through that window
and unhinges the door
            from its frame
freedom
            is now hers
            forever to claim

There is
a ripeness
          pending.
It stares at
me in the face,
          unblinking,
like an animal
ready to pounce.
It drinks in
my psyche,
             my blood
pumping
in its wild, tender veins.
It soaks up
the vitality
           clamoring
within me, like
a tornado
about to break force,
winds gathering
tightly under moonlight
a cosmic dam about
                      to burst.
It is a spell
cast into wilderness,
pristine and untouched,
yet longing for fulfillment
an undoing
of the senses
a subconscious unraveling
that journeys into
            unknown vistas
                with no map
Perhaps the
only real guidance
is each fine-tuned
          sensibility in turn:
Eyes taking in the colors
within pulsing electricity
as they merge
             and re-separate
into distinct tinctures
of luminosity  
Ears welcoming
the instruments
        of our bodies
as they writhe in tune
with acoustic passion,
hearing the cries of
wolf and owl whispers
          of trees deeply
reverberating into nightfall
Smell, to inhale
the muskiness of earth
the salt of sea
the crisp dusk of fire
and your pinelit, animal scent
                           familiar yet far
tracing me to you
like predator to prey
in magnetic vortex
  Touch,
                 to hold the
strands of my being
in place, steadied
by mahogany and silk
soft and solid at once
as the rhythms of storm
                 rock the house
And then:
Taste
to lusciously peel back
the layers of
             our essence        
letting them brew
in their own juices      
as they gather
  upon the tongue
in an effulgent stream:
sweet merging with salt
      pleasantly sour and piquant
with understanding
whetting appetites
in a sumptuous feast
         of enlightenment
that only shows us how,
in both primitive and
             ethereal awareness,
we had known this
was going
to happen
       all our
             lives

Wherever you
may be -
be it in strife
or
in gladness
            know I am
              flinging out    
                   my heart
             to the stars
hoping
      that, like a
              boomerang,
                    you will
catch it
bless it
infuse it
with all
you can
even if in
pieces
peeking through
the cracks
of your being
and hurl it
over the blanket
of celestial
               reasoning
                   tossing it
                like a wish
        into the heavens
until it reaches
my hands
safe, sound
and ever expansive
Know
          that while I
              send my prayer
                          to receive
                   that the real
                reason is to
         have suffused
within you
a breath
         of freshness
                   recharging
the parts of you
that have become
too heavy
to bear
     imbuing you
with the sacred
forces of
winter strength
spring light
the balance of
autumnal winds
and the ripe
heady fruit
of summer
Now
            as my hands
catch that pulsing
mass of life
       and put safely
                   back into
                          my chest
I bless the winds
the you
within me
and
         fly

Sometimes
we open
ourselves
in faith
in kindness
we unlock doors
in order to
let love
in
sometimes it
penetrates
all those
barriers
built up
over time
like ruins ensconced
inside the earth,
bones and stones
temples unknown
digging deep
we reach a point
where all passes through
into other spheres
then, before we know it
ever deeper
scything off of
       our fingers
into the night
as our hearts
beat ever so twirled
in togetherness
                     tender
Layers
shed rushed
often slow
and always flowing
in the glow
of emotion
and sometimes
it just explodes
all the pieces
tossed into the air
like a grenade
key removed
without warning
in sudden flashes
angel pieces
raining down
in smoldered slashes
fires spontaneously
forming out of what
was just
darkness
and all the
hearts' most
vulnerable places
crush in
velvet smithereens
upon the earth
broken pieces
of glass
sparkling
into the
supple abyss
of
knowing

Take me
to the river
where bulrushes
silently stand
   Slip your fingers
inside my mind
as we lay back
on the alluvium's
pale, gold sand
Touch those thoughts
whirling 'round
as they're
caught up
      in the tide
Feel up
my soul's desires,
inhibitions-- cast aside
whirling like slick,
smooth algae
          our mouths
show more
than they say
gentle otters check
                        us out
inviting us to play          
Take the fragrance from
those water lillies
rub it on me
instead of clothes
Cup your hands into
                     cool water
and pour it on my toes
Then slake it over
my burning heart,
to soothe its  
         torrid beats
Then let's sprinkle pollen
from the cattails
until we are
covered head to feet
all rich yellow-hued powder
so ready for the bees
and now the time
                      has come, my sweet
to explore
what freedom
          really means          
So take my heart
into your hands
(sorry if it burns)
throw it to the
whirlpool, now gentle
             in its churns
Give me your heart in turn,
thank you kindly
for that gesture
I am not letting go
                 despite its
active embers
My fingers were made,
                          you see
to hold its dark, live coals
kiss its blood-pumped rhythms
love your pain out
if it grows
Now let's jump
into the current,
and echo laughter
through the
      shoals

Sometimes
we must open
words like
unexpected
            gifts,
unwrapping
them with
reverence
           and honor
gently removing
their layers
ever so gingerly,
       ******* their
                   meanings
with utmost care
so as not to disturb
them as they sleep
tiptoeing through
the house barefoot
in a gentle,
        sacred dance
letting each
tiny wisp
of meaning
        caress our cells
in white,
feathery
seedlings that
shimmy in the wind
      Other times
we must let
each letter
     kiss the air
around us
      in a frantic whizzing
and imprint itself
upon our hearts
as they beat
   Personally,
     I prefer
to just sit still
upon the sand,
right where tide
licks my feet
in between that
mystical space where
           ebb meets flow
in perfect, utter silence
Then, in meditation
            stance, fingers  
                    curved up,        
I am
           ready for that
liquid receiving
letting the waves
of verse and rhyme
wash right over me
my very molecules
taking them in,
salty sweet
        in most
              delicious
                           fusion
as abundance
and the convulsion
of ecstasy
whisper
        my name

"It is a deepening,"
                         she said
and took his hand
to her watery bed,
beaming her light
upon those almost
invisible threads
in particles subtly
                 speaking
in sparkling aquatic tongues
like colored crystals,
felt in shards of icy wine
shells sifted
in far-flung
            seas of time
Shining down as
we dive to the depths
we lead each other on
We are the  
           explorers of the dark
We have
powerful equipment
to attempt to clarify
radiate it all up
              and if it fails,
the light from
our eyes and hands
is enough to illuminate
the murky
        waters below
our salvation,
deep-sea secrets
revealed—
churning in undertow
         In fact, if you dare
to penetrate the dark
and cast aside
fear of predators
               you will see-
the ruins of
an ancient temple
                waiting,
just waiting
for you
       for me
to dance amongst
the algae-coated
alabaster, green
wisps moving
in hypnotic motion
to weave in-between
the fish and corals,
a magic breathing in
of ocean
in sync with our own
                          breaths
This expanse of endlessness
        …..so many layers to discover
to sway and trip the light
in quiet,
            breathless joy
The feel of electric
flow around our feet.
Saltwater,
            turning sweet.
It is time
for the next stage
                     to begin
So tip your
head back,
my love---
and
       drink it
                     in

A kiss
and a cry
shouts of joy,
a tremulous sigh
soldiers come back
from faraway lands
reunited couples,
entwining hands
parents with balloons
and outstretched arms
children returning with groups,
safe from harm
myriad languages
bouncing off the walls
echoes of longing,
tears that fall
Airports are centers
of piquant emotion
and I sit, waiting for you
in excited devotion
thinking of how
you raised me,
on your side, alone
how oceans divide us
except for the phone
how we fight to keep
our connection alive
how your grandchildren
and I
are your source of pride
And so, mother of mine,
my hug waits in these arms
to burst forth to you
as you step off the storm
of longing and missing
into our calm and light
our renewed closeness
and bond
about to
take flight

In the vortex
of my mind
      under layers
            of consciousness
something is opening
within me
like a reverse arc
            going deep
                into other landscapes    
                      kaleidoscopic spheres
                                              swirling                  
                            in new development
and I am holding onto
my living room chair
as a slow tornado
whirls around me,
new wisdom filling me up
in whisperings
unable to be heard
          to the naked human ear    
sacred utterings
beyond definition,
beyond the realms
                   of fear  
Seeds of knowledge
that burst through
old patterns,
a force that defies
All I have been
working towards
striving to rise    
pushing through debris
exploding, gently,
to the surface
   a coolness emerging
to soothe this burning
                          furnace
causing my secret
desert spaces
           to evolve
into green-covered
dense jungle waxed
exotic flowers
so tiny and so large
they look like caricatures
(but they're real)
and I had no idea
this was part of the deal
I stare in wonder
at the plants
and creatures
I have yet
to name
wildernesses
that preferably
must stay
         untamed

And into this clearing
       they venture
shyly, daring to emerge
from the dense,
intense forest,
all negativity
                      to purge
to eat from
           my fingers,
waiting for my
            primeval blessing
These sweet, feral creatures
I wish for each
and every one
to bestow upon me
their grace,
bless me in turn
as I stroke their face
they  almost seem
                   to glow
                    in their            
primordial powers
and let me
anoint their brows,
my hands grazing soft
and rougher patches
of fur, of reptilian skin
predator and prey
joining as one within
They come
to meet me today
to partake in my strength
They bestow me
with their
indigenous, glowing
           earthiness
written indelibly
inside their eyes
their innocent power
flowing, balanced
          between cloudy and clear skies
and as I gaze
directly into
the naked horizon,
            tornados ceased
I feel that something
             akin to…
                         peace
I am blessed in its
          rivulet, immersed in its stream
and I know I am
on my path to an
ever-sacred
           dream

Under this canopy
of dark
gleaming stars
I now sit
allow my body
to take residence
in the aura
of my own
glowing
      let thoughts
             of reason
         slowly unravel
until they
become
one
     long
           thread
connecting my
mind but
releasing it
to the air
Molecules, like
the tiniest of crystals,
gently whir
energetically
             about me
in almost
invisible stirrings
letting the power
of energy centers
take over:
Red,
    for my root
            for I am
               tethered
          to this earth
       Orange, for
the passion
so strong
                and truly knowing
         my own worth
Yellow, for
            my gut,
                instincts open
              and a-light
       expanding into
universes, broadening
my sight
Then my heart
washed through and through
in shades of green
its own incandescence
filled with verdant,
                     fiery sheens
It beats a lantern
of vitality
in this ocean of pain
sending a beacon in
the darkness
helping to break old,
patterns
prompt them to
         snap like rusty chains
Here it pumps in growth of
leafy, budding  light
Guiding my spirit
      in ripeness full and bright

I rise up
into the
indigo-turquoise
of my throat
as words burst forth
                        in surges,
in the salty froth
of ocean spirals
             they float,
get pulled by
mysterious urges
Like waterfall mist
just kissing
the tips of eyelash
                 flickers
these words that
have the power
                 to calm
or make my blood
                 run quicker
And then:
the deep purple
of my crown
that tapers into
a shimmering white
          and I know
I can now
receive myself,
calm, in queenly
presence of mind
of spirit
in my highest
                  form of
                             light

I will never be
ensconced in
charming lace
valentine
            hearts
candypink encased
You will not see me
withering away
back of hand
          upon brow
in fainting stance
in a flowing silk dress
swinging on a
           perfect bough
For I am a river
wild and true
sometimes quiet
sometimes
roaring and
             soaring in
shimmering hues:
Blues and greens
mixed with shades
           of earth, of fire
bespeaking emotions
in tones of desire
My river can get messy
can flood over too fast
because my heartstrings
                       get pulled
by the strength of
                        the blast
It can bring up
colored stones
in its undertow
fish and otters
spinning
in voodoo
          overflow

As the colors rise up
in this heated coolness,
                          this deluge
the influx overwhelms me
with a power so huge
and then I need
     some metallics,
flecks of silver and gold
to soothe
passion's piquancy
                when it gets
                   particularly bold
                      Specked within rocks
                    to ground me, keep
               my feet on the soil
             prevent my heart
          from slipping
       down into
     a choking,
         hot oil

Bronze minerals reflect
peaks of sadness,
     searing pain
        from rawness of hurt
          with no one to blame
             Yes, it can be a balm
                         and also a burn
to be so linked
by spirit-threads
to another, in emotions
that churn
just on the brink
but never truly there
to experience the
         fullness of rush
ripe culmination
abundant and lush

and that's when the
river turns
into molten
              lava...
and I must dig
deep under
layers of ancient strata
seeking relief
in coolness of earth
as my spirit
             again undergoes
              a kind of rebirth
For when we
grow to love
strange things
happen, indeed
       In the core of
my essence
you are the root
of my
        seed

Inside the
immolation
of my flaming mind
almost roasting
in its own juices,
thoughts trickling down
into physical matter
and into the
lush cusp of words,
words that twist and turn
and curl around my tongue
as they wind their way
into realms divine
and sacredly profane,
entwining the alchemy
of lost magic
with the fabric of stars--
Yes,
in this trance of absolute divinity
I stand within
my own sacred love temple
ready to take in
whatever comes
in highest form
ready to unfurl and release it
into the breathing spaces
tightly packed between
the tapestry of this existence
so closely interwoven
within the stellar,
cellular matter
of our beings
of earth
of constellation
of fire
of sea
Here,   I need to not only
cast my thoughts
into the vastness of air
not only paint the night sky
with sounds that emerge,
so guttural, from my
deepest knotted chords
but actually consummate
this force within
consume it and be consumed
bring it to light
with my own
sacrosanct
manifestation…
blast it forth
in shoals of white
conjure it from
the source, pristine
    fight the fight
for truth, for love
           and all that's
in
      between

It starts
deep within
just flames
licking fire
tripping up
my spine
in crackling desire
spreads through my pores
in heated, close beats
releases its high
from my brain
                to my feet
The slow burn
in my solar plexus
spreads in hot surges
waves of wildfire
pulsing in white-hot urges
right down
to where
it really takes off
rushing through my
my cells
never pausing to stop
One can go mad
from that torrid,
thick heat
            every day
so I will trill
into my music
rocking my chair
as I play
feeling the vibes
within the rush and the beats
from the top of my head
to where these velvet
                 thighs meet
like the blazing
mirage of a summer
heat wave
releasing
                  the flow
of all that I crave
close-channeled
energy siphoned
into other spheres
so much like heaven
it squeezes out
                       tears
late desert
         summer nights
naked under
plush covers
my tunes and my pen
are my only lovers
it burns for a while
slides into
ecstatic bloom
and then catapults
back up
in a frantic
heart boom
this is my world
when I am
in charge of my own
            rhythm and tunes
playing them out
like mysterious flumes
this is how my passion
                                  unfolds
when I choose music for a set
I start off contemplative
       and end up wet
So I will take this ink
let it spill upon the page
wield the sword of my
                          slick waters
free my soul
from her cage
like a silky animal
running to cool, shaded brush
I will save up this
passion
so endlessly
              lush

I have found it.
That certain
circular way of being
I was looking
                for it,
                     so hard
my soul in turmoil
one slight scratch
under smiling surface
and I would become
a sculpture
made of wax
                melting
at the slightest
wisp of breath
burning ,
               mercilessly
at certain words
                forming
from your mouth,
your mouth—
that has placed
itself upon me
so many times
on our mutual
faraway cliffs
that no-time-zone
meeting point
above stars,
in other universes
     and believe me.
Nobody can
live this way,
suffering for
the want
of an uncontrollable
urge to be
          so
            very loved
So I have found it.
My way back
to balance
it was in your voice
and my own
together mingling
clear lines of phone
cut through soul tingling

I now take this lotus,
planted in my being
since birth,
and hold my stance
prepare to
               perform
the sacred dance
a mandala-painted
halo around my crown
a holy stone
in each hand,
          buoying my spirit,
anxiety down
stones I will never
cast upon you
because you
are forever me
             even as I
take my heart
with two hands
and return it,
still aflame,
into
           my
                 chest

I am no rock
my heart
is not made
of tiny bits
of stone
it will not
be crushed
like a pile
of ground-up bone
it might be
washed upon
shores
like the most
miniscule of
treasures
found in sand,
unseen to
naked eye
yet so full of
iridescent magic
in a spectrum of colors
a secret world
unto its own
those almost
invisible shapes
jeweled corals
of earth
up from
sea  bottom
in foamy
rebirth
but I will take it
(yes, my heart,
in rawness
and thunder)
and hold it
and nurse it
before it goes under
I will rock it
and soothe it
before it calcifies
as the ocean
invites endless
salt from
my
eyes

You
      I see
in smile-crinkled eyes
our later emotional distance
would have led
to my demise

You
how we reunified
awkward, then sweet
I almost didn’t recognize
              this frail man
standing by
the train station street
only when you
waved, started
limping did I understand
       And I said, "No! Wait" and
flew over to you,
a five-year- wait
for a bearhug
  so long overdue

You had forgotten your cane
in the excitement
of it all
My heart was strained
in tenderness
and worry that you
would fall

You
only you
could always make me
laugh uncontrollably
embarrassing me
in NY streets
   with songs and general madness
teaching me about life
on our city walks
and talks
observations made
through Second Avenue
diners
   and Sunday parks
our secret language
           and made-up
funky creature
our "who's gonna eat
the most spicy thing"
an essential
Chinese restaurant
                  feature

I cried each night
for a month
after you left the house
          thinking you left because of me
even though you and mom
explained it countless times
that this was untrue
but alas--- seven-year-olds
have their reveries
and when you did remarry-
a few years later
I grew to love her, too

My crazy-sweet
quietly loving
always open to me
never judging
How I hurt you
So unintentionally
And how finally,
in such grace,
you came back to me

You
are still my precious
bear hug sweet daddy
survivor of war
of car accidents
always wanting me
to meet my dreams
I think of you, now
so lonely
over there
I sit in my solitude
quietly stare

How ironic
We are again close
yet an ocean apart
a phone line's airwave
away
from my
        open heart



'

My heart is on a platter
in this large expanse
of banquet hall
strewn, festooned
with banners
on the time-stained,
whitewashed walls

My heart is on a platter
****** beats so red
contrasting the
bright-white tablecloth
so elegantly spread

It sits and claims its place
as its pulses
fill up the room
and the cutlery shakes,
reverberates
from its understated swoon

Napkins folded so neatly
Best china laid out fine
it oozes through the arteries
in crystal glasses
meant for wine

One wonders, as one gazes
upon the forks and spoons
                              and knives
laid out in rows
so properly…
Just when will they arrive?
And when they do,
those honored guests
will they be shocked to see
this beating, pulsating mass
that pumps out feeling
in endless, reaching streams

Like a delicately-cooked
animal, exposed
             with flesh so raw
this ***** keeps on throbbing
whetting saliva in the jaw
No apple stuffed in mouth
no need for garnish
or temptation
the heat's already there
even in this subtle
                 transformation
It's so slight,
the change
             perhaps obvious
a bit bizarre
but despite themselves
my eyes are drawn,
in wonder,
            to the stars

My heart is on a platter
almost cut in slices
                   paper-thin
now all that's left to do
is check
          where one of us
ends and one begins
Just take a slice
place it on your tongue
and let it melt within
Let it enter softly
your bloodstream
let it boil, let it soothe
no one can be one's
everything
but the soul's
                frequencies
might groove

My heart was on a platter
in this banquet of desire
but, to everyone's amazement
it has turned
to flames of fire
it billows up to the ceiling
sizzles like a steak
     and even though
I am reeling
I hold my ground,
                 won't break


See, I don't care what
they think
those diners
with wagging tongues
and fetid minds
   I grab your hand and we run
to the coolness of the pines
Looking back, we see
heartsmoke rising up
into the sky
in the colors
        of the northern lights
blinking in beats
like an ancient, mystic eye


And as you place your hand
upon my chest
where this heart
was once submerged
I so do not give
        one flying ****
when dinner
will be served

There are days
when my soul feels
stretched out
like a ribbon
emotions
           hang
                  ing
from a thread
on the line,
like laundry, for
all to see, on pegs
vulnerable
           in storms
letting wind caress
and sometimes whip them
         round in beaten time
like a tempest
They tend to
get bruised, secretly
battered internally
as the surface of me smiles
and marches on
Vocal chords tightening
as the larynx longs
            in primal urge
     to take out the words
in one long
      graceful arc
             of purge
On these days I
need to sit
in the cloudforms
of my mind's eye
      and let myself feel
  what I cannot show:    
the daily coldness gnawing
    at my innards
      blow by icy blow
In these hours
I must let the tears
well up and run down
             until the sting of salt
penetrates the glacier
let the significance of
unspoken words
rise up from
the deep dermis layers
into my throat, my tonsils
up to the palate and tongue
               out through my lips
to the heavens,
releasing the unsung
         those words caught within
the walls of my neck -
they almost make me choke
exhaust contamination
from heavy, unseen smoke
  It billows up and out
and soon, like
hard-worked magic
this morse code is busted
because I am sick of feeling tragic
I command clear
communication
      to filter through
the spasms of fog
in drops of dew
I command my words to be heard
in tiny spikes of sun
And all the while
            in clear spirals,  
                    a prayer commences to
                        be spun:
for the harsh
               and bitter
be flushed out
             in unabated, icy rush
for my soul to rise up
           for the cleansing
in aching spirit blush
for the painfulness
of silence
to be ground out
upon the floor
for the shadows of
the violence
to be obliterated
to the
       core

Crimson droplets
from deep within
my femininity
whir and purr
     into ripe, full spin
It is my time
        for the moon
to glow at its
            brightest
shine in its fullest
              fervor as I
let myself
be relished by
Mother Earth,
reveling in my
          woman spirit love  
Holding my pen
as a sword,
          I dance into
the dark forest,
arms raised
as if to get closer
to the stars
Yes
          they are calling me
as creativity spills
from my fingers
into the atmosphere
my aura communicates
reverberates
          mystical pulses
into the ether
and while pain creates
little uterine explosions
that bloat
and ache,
         a power trips
through me
that cannot
be faked
mood swings,
cravings for
spice
   and ***
sway my mind
like a sharp,
whitened hex
No point in
claiming inhumanity
      for this
hormonal state
is like a bout
                of temporary insanity
and with all of it
     swirling round
and round
with all of the
attempts at
emotional restraint
in themselves
bound, I am
    without complaint
for this is the ultimate
miracle of our bodies
the ripe potential
          to procreate
(if we are so inclined or destined)
or just be
     enfolded in who we are
we are part of
magnetic earthbeats
as we are part of
                the bliss
                      of stars

Today I battle
my own negativity
the dark side of
my moon
glowing cold
in the sear
of burns
those little
inflamed live
scars receiving
the salt
of tears
that I gather
in opaque blue
and indigo-hues
in the privacy
of the soft spaces
in the drawers
of my heart
little aches
that grow
as the hours
get smaller
little quakes
on low
in emotions'
faded squalor
and as I plunge
over that
spiritual abyss
draw in my
knees, let the
winds brush
my lips
in a mocking
lovers'  kiss
and try to catch
that beating mass
as it bursts
right through
my chest,
in broken slips
of shattered
glass
I tell myself
in whispers
"No, warrioress!
This time
you will not
be destroyed"
and I fling
my heart,
so bruised
into the
burning,
golden
void

Fine-tuned
in strands of
thinnest papery
fiber, crackling
like onion skin
subtle electric
currents spilling
through
invisible wire
Even if I
were to try
to detach
or attempt to
siphon it back
even if it hurts
so much,
to the point of
pure black
I cannot
stop that
strange strong
frequency
its power is electro
magnet pins of fire
crackling across
in unseen desire
tiny crystalline
shards pelting
me inside
in saturated beats
of heart and hide
and even heavy
static electricity
or storms that mess
with synchronicity  
cannot prevent
the pulses
from getting through
as, millions of miles,
yes millions
I am perfectly attuned
to the very
essence
that is
you

Dark, so sweetly
spirals of black
slaking black
in layers
        of rhythm
liquid night
brush-stroked
        into oblivion
drink up, my love
let thirst
       be satisfied
let the pulses
of rock and hard
places be
         hotly gratified      
dusty artifacts
in alternation
as we imbibe the potions
           of manifestation
they twist and turn
bubble up through the muck
electrify the system
as we get ready to ****
  up all those hollow,
vapid schemes
busting them apart
         demolishing themes
of stereotyped hearts
smashing through convention
until the dry becomes wet
reaching ascension
in tears and sweat
the water gets flowing
     down from mountain ice
as we pulverize limits
          without thinking twice
and while obscurity
of twilight in the shadows
             of dusk
blurs our vision
in harsh realities, brusque
we know that we must be who we are
live this life in full force
filter broken voices
that sabotage our course
      and in a flick
                 of a whisper
an ancient eye blinks
and with one feral breeze
we are over
         the brink
like a fall from a
cliff in a delicate arc
              we open up
our buried layers
to the obsidian
              spark

Hey, you
Yeah, you
the one way over there
ensconced in tall grasses
where do you
think you are
going
you extend a hand
and loving heart
to so many
and so few
see your brokenness
your pieces of shattered
glass from
all four of those
muscled-*****
blood-flowing
chambers in your chest
              all over the floor
And Hey
I see you
I see you deep
Your molecules rising
Up unto
that soul's
brightness and
so beautiful
outlook
wisdom gained
from time
mixed with pain
             and rhyme
Hey
Let me
wrap my tendrils
of healing all and up
around you
right through you
Hush
No need to talk
         Just let me
press my
blood-pumping heart
right into
        yours
Feel it
Let my light
infuse you
Let me touch you
deep into
under skin
just like
you
    touch
            me

I walk into
the ruins
of the ancient temple
and feel the presence here
it is all around me
gently surrounding
in invisible caresses
it feels so strangely familiar
like the silent
understanding glance
of an old friend
or an unseen talisman
it is beating within me
pulse quickening
yet is unnamed
I let myself breathe it in
like an echo
of the spells of yore
wander through archways
of broken yet graceful doors
touch crumbled walls
let my fingers trace
the cracks in the stone
soon my words will fill them
as parched paper
is filled with legends
This is where
the ancients prayed
where people brought
their hearts
          in chanted verse
This is where people
placed hopes and dreams, made
requests to the universe
This is where faith
was expected
               to be so vitally forged
where offerings of fruit and grains
would fill up their hopes,
souls engorged
This is where eyes saw
timeworn brightness
of semi-precious stones
                  glyphs that held
significance, now under dust
like tiny bones
One can still see the
a venerable alter,
once held sacrosanct
under watchful, chiseled eyes
of the goddesses and their ranks
I sit upon the low stone bench,
           run my hands across mosaic,    
feel the force
I know that, despite its
acclaimed holiness
              this is not
love and light's main source
for that has all along
been inside me
pumping love within my veins
taking my spirit in journeys
to its own sweet, celestial planes
How we claim our
own private battles
   determine whether we lose or win  
As the sound
of my grounded heartbeats
rises up,
I am ignited
       from within

I am made for love
        simply to be swallowed
inside flame
but without burning
too crisply
         feeling just east of
too much pain
I would **** it all down
I would take it all in
I would ingest that
         subtly powerful potion
fling inhibition
to the winds
run through storms
and swim through
          murky, wild ocean
I would don both wings and
antler, or horns
just to show you my
            animal instinct
I would sniff you out
in a hidden thicket
of thorns
even if physically
it's distant
I would sway my hips
join the gypsies
             in their dance
I would get naked
in the river,
hypnotized by the moon's
            seductive trance
I would cross the
longitudinal division
to cup my hands
around your face
slice through *******
         with quick precision  
if it threatened
our sacred space
I would take my sword
and cut any signal
that destroyers
              laid in path
I would challenge
the logical probabilities
of looking into your eyes
or placing my hands
upon you
(so **** what if it defies
                the math)      
The glorious point
of what I am saying
as I trip myself
through you and
fully live it
is that my stars ignite
the power
of this
liberation of
            tightened,
connected spirit
and I am not giving up
I am not succumbing
to the sirens' call
              of demise
Just watch me
bound out
from behind
the slippery
precipice
and see
my spirit rise

Like magic,
it happens
in a snap
of the fingers
on the crossbow
of time
Like the sparkling arc
of destiny
on my tongue's
plaited river rhyme
like the journey
of the arrow
as it hits
its destined mark
like the lit-up flight
of the sparrow
despite
encroaching dark
like the wisp of a
flash of the jump
of the whale
in a deep blue sea
like my heart
upon airwaves
as your aura
sets me free
and within the holes
of the molecules
that reside in
the soul's abyss
my gentle eye lens
captures your
rolling tidal kiss
in sudden turn of storm
in unexpected rains
I find myself
in heaven's realm,
slicing through
my chains
I stand here wind-whipped
on mountain top
and range
and to you I beckon
in ferocious blooms
releasing all my rage
and slowly, unraveling
my layers
I burst forth
from my
cage

I am hungry
and it is reflected
in the contours
of every inch
                  of skin
every cell a-flutter
tiny wings and heartbeats
activated within
right down to
the ribosomes and
kidney-shaped
mitochondria
right up through epidermis
woven as threads
of softness penetrating
your inner hard, dark parts
causing them
to melt into
                my light
I am craving
to feel your
absolute heart's
raging core
my aching flesh burning,
my heart, wrapped in
a love
              so pure
My need to be
devoured surfaces
in smoothness,
at a glance
You feel it acutely,
no room for doubt
or subtle chance
               I am ravenous
for muscle-worked arms
(arms that could easily
try to break)
to be supremely
gentle as you part
my thighs like the ocean
and sacredly partake
the slickness of your tongue
in my feminine grace
the stains of my love
drenching
                your noble face
your eyes on mine
as I sharply breathe
         need to hold your
head stroke your
           hair know that for me              
the king takes off that
garland of gold
breaking free of
all symbols of status
the only real treasure
the queen who
gives to him,
and who he now pleasures
     and I let myself be consumed
with the reverence
of a psalm
my love pouring into you
healing your hurts,
               like a balm
in this private landscape
we are the most
ferocious of tender
estuaries
in an eternal vista
in this hour of somewhere,
the sea hauls us in
like ancient creatures,
     bringing the fossils
back to life
in lustrous foam
as they
         inch their way
into the spirals
    that we
feel we could
call
     home‎

I remember you
in shades of pseudo
toughness but really
inside sweet
a conglomeration
of rebel-quiet-luscious
flutter of Nordic
New York city eyelash
that fixed stare
strict leather
jacket flare
I loved your brashness
brazen statements
shooting from the hip
as you took your provocative
attitude stance
pouting fullness of lip
we listened to Patti Smyth
and Salem 66
"Wanderlust" curving
up my spine
tension building
in your room
as you stared at me
looked away
each subtly
heated time
your eyes found me
my pulse quickened
in shy leaps
I did not understand
my own feelings
only when
you finally kissed me
did my world spin on its axis
and I understood
that love goes far beyond
what  they say
it should
curve of waist
and gentle ***** of breast
under men's shirts
revealed
only then did I understand
who I am
and how that
fresh snap
of breaking boundaries
feels

Laying down in deep sleep
I see you
looking at me
from across the room
a holographic image,
as you lay down, too
in your faraway bed
in your faraway room
but your eyes, locked on mine
this is what's close
this is what's true
I feel your gaze
upon my third eye
feel your loving stare
deep inside
it penetrates and weaves its
way between the layers
of my heart
slices gently
tears me apart
being in torrid distance
sometimes hurts
and sometimes
I don't feel it at all
because in a space
beyond the ticking of clocks
in a set of hours
that exists beyond locks
in a private universe
that exists just for us
you are right here
breathing next to me
your chest rising with each
deep, relaxed breath
your mere presence
catching
           my
               fall
and as your eyes
radiate love into mine
from that bed across
the zoneless moon
our hands reach out,
fingers intertwine
two souls soldered
in landscapes separate
yet spanning the waves
across time

(and our nightair kisses
fly like the tiniest of flowers
confetti gliding
voluptuously sweet
and unfolding
in raging, perpetual
         bloom)

Borderlines
        of love and lust
crossovers from uncertainty
                 to trust
How we travel
vast countries
in search of living
We forget that taking in
                           is also giving
We strive to reach
and forget ourselves
our process breached
                 in heaven's wells
And I am drowning
                in this murky sea    
submerged in this place
                 of mystery
Sometimes darkly
Sometimes bathed in
              sweet strata of light
Sometimes wrapped
                closely inside
gentle tendrils
of night
All the while speaking
the language of
       awareness and fire
my words heated-up silk
dripping molten desires
I throw to the winds
relics of ancient spells
conjure my heaven
          to chase out the hell
Polish off the dust
and shake out my soul's fabric
         air out my cells
Fill them up
          with new magic
And as I continue
      to break down these walls
         and spin off into
the astral spheres --
    I do my best to emulate
picking ripened fruit,
plucking sparks
         from the cosmos
so I may live
without
fear

We are
the creatures
of the night
no tears for us
as we soar
taking on
such glorious
         heights
up through
trees, up
through the
invisible threads
between stars
in silvery wefts
I will bring home
the nourishment
to my little ones
nestled in their
warm nesty twiggy
holes safe curled
in lairs
we are
the protectors
of the light
that starts
in darkness
and arcs
        like a flare
we ride alone
but when we give
we yield
completely in
full thrusts and
curlicues,
glow-in-the
dark patterns
as leaves
cascade and
comets fall
around
the shadows
then, in the
morning's first
sun peeking
I land and find
that peace
a kind of
proximity to
that love
I'm
  seeking



'

Sometimes
the burning
is so powerful
that I
might as
well be
tied to a stake
like the pagan
wise-women of yore
mistaken for witches
no dousing
with gasoline
necessary
for the inside
is already so
slick with
simmering
flammability
combustable
liquids
that trickle
down my thighs
into the earth
and create dark steam
that turns into light
as its luscious
vapor rising
from my being
Soon I will
simply evaporate
and become
atmospheric
ether floating
up towards
stars
and raining
love down
into the
tender receptacle
of your
being

I am ready
for every single cell
to be lit up
like a torch
flaming up to
the constellations,
all past debris
to be scorched
I am ready
to spread fingers drifting
to the finer points
of the sky
to hold up
the firmament
of my own existance
without needing
to question why
I am ready
to dance on water
toes on surface
splashing
I am ready to
travel deeper, further
without fear
of my heart
crashing
I am ready
to take on
the the indigo fire
of truth
I am ready to feel
my full ripeness
inside me
blushing youth
The juice of the fruit
is just at the edge
ready to burst and to pour
in tiny dewy droplets
bespeaking the promise
of more
I am ready to turn on the switch
and let the light show begin
my auroral inner cosmos
erupting
       from within

I am in limbo
      between universes
between stars
I am ensconced
       in my own light
in tangible luminance
stored deep inside
                   tiny
                      glass jars
I am whirling into new orbit
     as I take on this luster,
                 this shine
I furl forth choices
in magic spells weaving
                   and take back        
what was always
so rightfully mine
I now hold the staff
      that will part the seas
of my new way
       in this labor
because, honey, there
ain't no time
to waste
no horse
        no glowing, knighted savior
Until this hour
              I was crawling
         but I now I start to rise
as I have my final say
               and the northern lights
         spew out from behind my eyes
I am through with
          this land of ice, land of jagged spires
It is time to bust up
             all those submissive plans
          and spray the whole
place with arctic fire
yeah time to mark it
juice it up
till it licks up pain, till it burns
release pent up years
              of unneeded conflict,
of tensed up
           twists and turns
so just you try
to break me apart
as I try to navigate
between tectonic plates
on two lands
The only knight here
          is my own true self
the situation neatly
in my
     hot little hands

Sometimes I feel
that what I have
so closely
right next to me
is so very far
there is distance
that cannot even be
named
while inside me,
a wildness
that cannot be
tamed
and I long to
break free
travel to far-off lands
get closer to
myself
as I take the spirit-reigns
into my own hands
And all the while
as I wait
trying to find that
perfect moment
for escape
I gather the warmth
and light around me
wrap it around as one,
close energetic blanket
let it charge me up
refill the spots
that have become
empty
rejuvenate that
private inner sanctum
that so few can see,
those who know
and understand
the irony
for on the circular map
marked in cities, towns
and roads
are the ones physically far
who hold me so very close
the ones who know my mind
the workings of my heart
who help gather me into wholeness
when the seams threaten
to rip apart
They know
the meanings of the ways
that this heart spills into verse
and I see how physical proximity
can be a blessing, or a curse
because when it's an illusion
it cuts right to the core
stirring up pure loneliness
bringing longing to the fore
a heightening of confusion
when the door slams in your face
and you wonder why, in your home
you can feel so out of place
And so I bless this map
mark with pins my states of love
countries and landscapes of kindness
felt through the airwaves above
and with my own love in return
I immerse all the beautiful souls
We all share the struggles and victories
provide calm
when it's out of control

I cast forth my heart to you
Let it crackle through the wires
its electricity connects
and like magic,
sweet
love
          transpires