It's almost like a symphony and I am the conductor with a blade

It's like
The sky came down and pinched the back of my neck
And took me too high too fast
So I shout
And I laugh
And I say inappropriate things
Other times it's like
The sky drops me and I know I'm falling
So I panic
And flail
And fight the inevitable
But it's no use there's nothing I can do to reduce the fall
I crash
I go real quiet and my head is tearing itself apart
My friends my family my own lover has no idea
What's going on
What it's like
Or how to help
Or that I know what's happening and can't help it either
So they get annoyed
Even angry
And so do I because I know it's affecting them
Almost as much as it's hurting me
So I cry
And I cry
And then I cut
Or snap my wrist with a hair tie
Because pain is the only thing that can wake me from the numbing terror
The grip of manic depression has on me