There's nothing he can say
to make me forgive him

and maybe that's unfair
but not everyone deserves a second chance

MY SEXUALITY IS NOT SOMETHING FOR YOU TO GAWK AT

MY LOVE IS NOT FOR YOUR ENTERTAINMENT

OUR KISSES ARE NOT PERFORMED FOR YOU

WE ARE NOT AN EXHIBIT THERE FOR YOUR VIEWING

'TOGETHER' DOES NOT INVOLVE YOU

SO KINDLY *******

I lived with a monster once
without quite knowing it

My suspicions were drawn
on shaky lines
sneaking about on tip-toed feet

His attacks were just jokes -
dismissive
belittling
insulting jokes

I seethed and I cried and,
maybe just a little,
I died

Wishing on distant stars
to take me away to distant shores
where I
would be free

And I thought
it was fine
that I could just
grin and bear it

But she told me the truth
of what he'd done
of who he was
the monster, that horrible wretch

And I could grin and bear it
no longer

Hate
rage
disgust
filled me

Looking at him now
makes me nauseous
and furious
at the same time

I am scared of that monster
with whom I once shared a home
scared of his temper, of his wrath
and I just want to be left alone

I despise that man
who violated her so
hurt her
terrified her
wanted to take her as his own

I live with that monster no longer
I have no more smiles for that loathsome,
vile villain
no more laughter
no more tears

I know the truth now
Even if he doesn't know I know it

I am done pretending
done forgetting the pain and the misery

Now I just want the monster slain

I think about smoking sometimes
on dreary days
on quiet nights
when I'm cold
or lonely
or sad
and I just want to inhale the numb
and exhale the ache

but aren't I just inhaling the poison
and exhaling it too?
I take it into myself
and breathe it out into the world

I think about rainy nights sometimes
dark, with the taste of a storm in the air
faded music playing in the background
door half-open
me, leaning over the balcony railing
with death perched between my lips

I think about smoke
spewing from my mouth
carrying all misery away
burning through the walls I can't tear down

I imagine cigarettes
come with leather jackets
sly smiles painted red
and sharp eyes lined black
with a devilish spark in them

They pair so nicely with
the blackest of nights
with bonfires and quiet laughter
and with silent solitude

But then I remember
crooked smiles with yellowed teeth
lungs, withered and black
coughing, gasping for clean air
because they're so infected with smoke