forgotten plans
fade to non existence

we got the night bus back together
but we left on our own
and you never gave me a second glance

through the mud I trek
the long walk back
to my single bed

Life is a suit of armour
leaving me weighted down,
grounded, as if wearing diving boots

sits at the back of my mind
like my silent resentment,
it plagues me

a thousand black flies
in a swarm above me
each one whispers those same old words

nothing will ever
be alright in the end

A smudged grainy ring against blue lines
it cuts through his handwriting like a breadknife

the blue ink ripples with the water-damaged paper
reassuringly human amidst the bleached whiteness

after the initial shock of jumping into ice cold water
the human body is soon numb, and stops sensing the temperature

just like this, I slowly fell into the deep end
so unimaginably deep beneath frantic kicking feet

but now my saddened numbness has changed
I've stopped panicking and thrashing about
and now I tread water

I don't cry at night any more
I don't thrash about, or wish for the energy to scream
now I don't shiver
I tread water

the sun moves cautiously, fading sooner as winter draws in
my sleeping pattern is a dull memory of routine
a sick joke from a different time zone

the taste of my untimely breakfast is indistinguishable
from the cardboard box it comes from
as each spoonful reaches my lips I wonder what I should have done
with every morning I let slip away

muted, I broke eye contact for the sixth time that sentence
the time is 2am, and she sits beside me telling me I'm wonderful

crippled in shyness I say nothing
I want to wrap her up in my soul for the warmth she gives me
but I say nothing

and to her, I'm white with icy numbness
as if I feel nothing

untamed but given
a new life of the same grey
seen to be seen
known to grow withered
of grief-stricken faded memory mist
missed, that ceases to exist
lifted to float of drying drift
which rips at the seams
at falls apart