I need to be consistent, persistent
And resistant to thoughts of resistance that's nonexistent.

I need to chill out, to be calmer in stressful situations
When my mind tells me there's no way out.

I need to sleep more, to eat,
I need to smile more, to take a seat.
I need to pray, I need to cry.
To not doubt, to not lie,
About my feelings just to avoid the pressure of uncomfortable questions.

I need to speak up sometimes
And to not ignore warning signs.
I need to grow, I know.
I need time to clear my mind.

Never settle for caterpillar
Never think cocoon is the end
Butterfly isn't easy
Let change be your friend.

I've been running all my life from the things that chase my mind,
Hiding, ducking and dodging all the **** that keeps me behind.
In a race against my sins; these demons aren't too kind.
I keep thinking I need love but
What I really need is a rhyme.

I don't even care anymore.
I quit listening to your melodious voice- I don't even hear anymore.

Because you were my song
And I used to believe that my interpretations were wrong.

When in fact
Your lyrics were never synchronized with my tune,
Your beat never actually took me higher than the moon.

You were just a fake.
An astronomer fooling me into believing you were an astronaut.
And my foolish mind never thought I was wasting thoughts.

Thoughts orbiting you- my home planet.
The place I felt safest
Now there's no place worse than it.

Yet I still stare at the stars and dream of you and I taking that spaceship cruise.
I feel so used
See? I'm confused
Just the way you always wanted
You've won, my love.
And just like old times- I lose.

We'll never be one;
we'll never see eye to eye.
And I'm not being pessimistic I'm just stating the facts.
The fact is that we talk a lot of unity and love
but nobody sees it when we act.
Politics mistaken for race;
Race looks like religion.
Religion is self centred
And in the centre of it all is an empty space.
Why are we even fighting?

No-one will ever know
hiding behind a wall of lies is a weeping brother trying to sew the torn peices of his broken soul back together.
No-one will ever know
he's withering inside but still still trying to grow,
stretching his limbs for help but does anybody notice him there? No.

No-one will ever know
that screaming from behind a veil of make-up is a girl's dying soul.
Wrapped in pretty clothes
she's trying to break free of the hurt she feels inside
but they don't know.
No-one will ever know she's been tormented by her imperfections and failures
and although she tries not to let it show, it does
but does anybody pay attention? No.

No-one really cares
and they all do a good job at pretending not to see or not to know.
Instead of stopping to help
they turn a blind eye on conviction
and they just go.

My ancestors taught me to be bold, brave and outspoken.
My society teaches me to keep quiet, roll over and take the hand outs I'm presented with.
My spirit tells me to incinerate the negativity around me by adhering to beats of a broken heart in my chest,
Yes! My body wants me to fight fights in the wars between two worlds- theirs and mine,
But my mind, my mind is trapped in-between rifles and swords.
Can't you tell from the scars and holes?
I'm fighting to free my soul.

I remember the echoes of my father's voice in my head like the estate horn that blows at 6 in the morning,
"I want you to be all that I couldn't," he said. In my heart the desire to please was yearning.

As I evolved from a boy to a man, in my mind a solid plan,
Toiling day by day with melanin rich hands, while my brethren with fists I'm the air reach to pull me under envious sands.

They fight with all their might to bury me,
Feeding me terrible lies about the keys to prosperity.
While secretly our brothers from another land hold each other hand in hand,
Prejudice and bigotry their strengths as they establish their white-wealthy communities,
While we as blacks rage war against each other with our slavery mentalities.

Oh! When shall we be free?

There's so much I need you to hear,
But now when I look at your photographs
I gaze and stare,
Because you're not here.
You're there.
Up and away past the cumulonimbus clouds.
In a place where only the angels go;
A place with a vast population but no crowds.
A place where you walk on gold,
Live in mansions,
Never get old.
No racism, no religion,
No wars, no more scars,
No politics, no need for expensive cars.
A place where you do your gardening with stars;
Your footstool is Mars.
The sun I'm accustomed to isn't in your sky,
But I've been wondering-
Does heaven have WiFi?

I'm sorry for lying,
I'm sorry for trying to convince you I wasn't dying,
I'm sorry for letting my depression get so bad that my smiles blinded your eyes from mine to see I was crying.

Crying for peace.
Crying for silence.
Crying and wailing on the floor of my mind-dungeon trying to hide the marks of violence.

These scars on my soul tell a story,
These stars up above get the glory.

Because they listened as I poured my sorrows on them,
The dark sky eventually became my best friend,
The cold nights would wrapped me in their arms and then,
I'll become numb to fact that I'm near to my end.
I'm sorry again.

Let's reflect on our reflections,
Look in the mirror of your lifestyle and tell me,
what do you see?

Who are you?

Are you the same person we see in church when you're out in the streets?
Do still greet your enemies with smile like you do when deacons are around like its the first time you meet?

Who are you?

Are you the one that constantly cries out to God giving your all,
on your knees you fall,
lifting your hands to the heavens mimicking you're tall,
to the father you call?

Or was that just for the church?
Was that all for a show?
Does anyone on job even know that you know who Jesus is?
Or is it that his light in your life just suddenly forgot how to glow?

Think about it!

This isn't a pop quiz you should really think about it,
What will happen if the sky cracks right now,
you hear the sound of angels and the trumpet starts to blow,
thunders, earthquakes, fire and seas start to grow?

Did you think about it?

Or not even that,
What if He came yesterday,
and I didn't get the chance to rhyme for you today,
And the earth as He promised had passed away?

What do you think?

What will be your fate?
Will you be with Him in paradise
or will you be doomed here to stay?
You should give your all today.

Give your all today.

They told me I couldn't make it,
That the reason I'm here is because of parents making love without being in love so they had to fake it,
They said I was a mistake,
And that the next time they see me would either be on TV as a criminal or on the death channel announcing the date of my wake,
Hateful lips cursed me out,
Judgemental minds and hands put me out,
I didn't fit in or belong to their circles because I'm a square,
For a while I thought it was unfair,
To be the only one that had to skip school because I didn't even have a bus fair,
Fitting on my pair of high top boots everywhere I go because I honestly had nothing else to wear,
Or Spending half an hour every morning plucking sponges out of my hair,
Turning my socks over on my feet since the heels had holes,
No microwave or gas so the food had to be cooked with coals,
Had a pain in my soul to watch my family suffer any more so I stole,
I started drinking like no tomorrow,
Thinking alcohol was the cure to sorrow,
Playing a real life game called pain and depression,
Losing points to an opposition called anger and aggression,
My mind was tortured,
My faith needed to be nurtured,
If my place in life was a woman then you know I was down to search her,
I started drifting from the people that loved me,
My philosophy was centred around my selfish desires and trusted nobody else but the Hennessey,
And I couldn't see,
I didn't see the sweat or the tears shed by my family for me,
I didn't hear the quiet prayers they said for me every night before they went to sleep,
Long story short, their prayers were answered when God Himself said to me He had bigger plans for me,
Yes He called me by name, chose me to use my life as a living testimony, my struggles and stories to minister to those youths who are just like me,
Born unruly but can't do nothing without the go ahead from the Almighty,
His name is Jesus and I say it unashamed,
He changed my life for the better and for you He can do the the same if you let him,
What do you really have to lose?
He lost his life just for you but the media doesn't like to promote that news,
He chose to die because He wanted you to live, came back alive so He can spend eternity with you and continuously give,
You peace of mind,
The piece of you that's been missing for a while,
He loves you like a father loves His child,
So just let him love you, He won't ever leave your side,
Run to Him if you need a safe place to hide,
Trust Him and He'll teach you how to trust yourself,
You're to die for and He wants you to know your wealth,
This is not a church people poem, I'm done with that religious mess,
Because the message I bring promotes a lifestyle like Jesus and nothing less,
Say I won't do it, put me to the test,
Luke 1:37 is stitched in my cardiac arrest,
Beats in my chest,
In the centre of why I do what I do,
I do because a lot of youths are too scared to stand up for truth,
So I'll stand out,
Open my mouth,
And declare from North to South,
I am different, don't try to figure me out.

I miss you like a fish misses water during a drought,
Never took the time to actually show its true appreciation for sustaining life- for protection, education and genuine love.
I miss you like the person that decided at the final second that they're gonna come off the train tracks,
Because I know our hearts were about to collide, and your hand was almost at mine but I missed the opportunity to reach for you.
I miss you.
The only brother that ever acknowledged that I was different,
Quick to discipline yet slow to judge,
Always with love and never held a grudge,
I miss you.
We shared the same room and we'd talk til the new day began,
Even though I tried pushing you away and did you wrong you never ran,
Away,
From your little brother,
I can still feel your kisses,
From those I new you cared,
And when I was scared,
I remember running home to... you'd make me laugh until in the face of my opposition I could stare,
And know that my big brother got my back.
I remember stressed out days you greet me with a smile,
Gimme some bucks, a bite to eat, and said you'd see me in a while.
I miss you D.
I miss you and me.
Especially now when I'm hurting but its only my flaws everyone sees and they keep throwing them at me like I got no soul or I'm nobody,
I wish somebody would be like you,
And see me for me,
Instead of trying to control, let me be free,
God knows who I'd be without you, and I never got the chance to let you know that the love I've built for you is true.
I miss your voice,
I miss your laugh,
Eyes, ears, face, and your head with no hair,
I will always have you in my heart,
You never failed to be man of your word, you kept it real from the start,
Sleep on D,
I will always be your little brother,
We,
Will always be brothers,
You and me.

Of the top of my head I'll write this to you,
hoping that somehow you'll feel what I'm feeling too-
this excited, fairytale ending kind of feeling,
this sense of belonging amongst other writer's such as myself internal healing.
For eternity I'll be bleeding,
on each page with my words, whether or not you realize its worth,
I'll bleed.
I'll be me,
Yes, indeed,
I'll be the poet I was born to be.

You'll see...

As the rain comes down on my window pane,
I took a look at the world and I could see the pain,
I could feel the pain!
They need a change,
So I'll be the pill that could ease the migraine.