Through the wandering spectrum
Of cerulean dragonfly eyes
You fly without hesitation
Observing the vast and marvelous world
As if it were your own
As if it were your cut-out template,
With an admirable sense of wonder
And the fervent desire
Not only to know
But to contemplate
The luminescence of a fluttering firefly
How the brittle mechanisms of life
Apply
Through crystal-clear dragonfly wings
You carry your mind

This 'you' that everybody writes about are
The tears that stain our cheeks late at night,
The eyes that haunt our dreams every night,
The scars that remain as devil-ish memories of our weak moments.

I'm sick of this 'him' I'm sick of this 'her' that torments people day after day,
Making then write until their brain is pulsing and their hands are shaking.
I just want to be an okay me.
And if I need a 'him' to help me feel okay,
Then may God help me.
For I have no purpose in this world
Other than to rely on others for my heart to continue to beat.

I want to be the reason that I am still here.
I do not want to rely on another human soul.
For we are all doomed at one point to be nothing if that is the case.
But I just pray that if
Nothing we once were,
Then may our memories of life forever remain.

It makes me a little nervous
To not know your name.
But I guess your face
Will always be engraved in my brain.
You were the boy with the football
With the fame in your eyes at 2am.
And that's where your life will begin
And mine will end

To write is to self harm
To create is to relearn
To love is to let go
But these hands fail me
And this heart speaks to me
Only in hushed tones

i fell in love with
the idea of you.

your dark, messy
unkempt hair.
your black eyes that
curve into
crescent moons
and are guarded behind glass.
your endearing laugh,
your unusual talents
and fearlessness.

but perhaps if i
peeled back the
layers of secrecy and humour,
your front,
i'd find a
vulnerable you,
a lost and afraid little child.
maybe that's why
i'll only fall for
the idea of you, and not you.

maybe i'm only in love with the
train rides and
inside jokes and
candid moments unseen by you but
ingrained forever in my mind.
those little quirks that are so you yet,
not.

and if you ever knew this,
you'd combust into a million pieces.
you'd fall into the deep abyss of
uncertainty, curiosity
and the world around you
would get even more crazy.

but i can't seem to let you go,
you're a burning field i'd want to lie in still.
right now,
you're the adrenaline in my body.
it's like you're pulling me into the depths
yet pulling me out
and i don't know who is stronger.

The reason why I love you
Must be because I hate myself.
I know, this time and place doesnt help.
But baby this is worse
than any pain I've ever felt

You're killing me slowly  
day by day
I bleed
and my wounds remain unknit,
to spill my guts to the floor to
leave me open
stranded

He watches from aside,
As I kiss his picture
and take my own life
I wonder if he'd even cry
If he had watched me die