Autistic people don’t dream the way normal people do, and our nightmares are no exception to this rule. While you dream of that horror movie monster you saw in the theater last week, we dream with people we see on a daily basis, showing strange emotions on their faces, demeanors we’re not used to, foreign and alien, that scares us worse than Friday the 13th’s Jason’s mask or Scream’s disguised murderer would scare you. The new ways in which faces can twist their features, contort them beyond our ability to recognize them (or at least feign recognition) or draw comfort from familiarity terrify us and cause a reaction on a visceral level, making us wake up with a start. Still, I never forget the distortions on the faces I dream about, even if they’re twisted in what you would consider normal expressions of sentiments that would be easy for anyone else to recognize. I’ve fallen out of bed so many times, I’ve bruised my hands and head, and I still shiver every time I remember the way you stared at me unwaveringly in the eyes for more than the few seconds it takes to make me feel naked and uncomfortable, your smile crooked beyond its perfect and normal dimensions, just a little more lifted on the left side, showing more teeth than usual, extra lines and creases in your wrinkles, and the shine in your tapetum lucidum more or less dimmer. All I can think about when I open my eyes after those dreams are “Wrong! It’s all wrong!”, and "Why does it take so little to turn a person I know or love into a stranger?" I need to grab and stare for a few minutes at photos of you in the albums where I’ve intricately and extensively documented your many ways of showing animi moti.
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Tapioca sky,

feel the knife curve
like a Moon-hook,

wrenching a tourmaline gash
into hallucinating gums,

ritualised in immortal agony.


Lemon clouds,

see the portrait smile
like a nightmare,

feasting on famine entrails,
of sacrificed words,

scything off the tongue.



© Pagan Paul (2017)
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Old psychedelic poem.
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I'm sorry I'm away
my minds been in  knot
untie me muse
before I think I die!
I need to write again
in lyrical content
it chokes me up
I think I'll even cry!

Ma Cherie © 2017
Seriously can't think too much going on? ;/
We may have been toxic.
But it was a toxicity
I could call my own.
Since I was young,
I’ve had a hard time
keeping things for myself.
My dreams, my ideas,
even my love
for the color purple.
These were all mine
at one point.
Soon to be
ripped away
by an envious, more outspoken friend
But this.
This toxic waste land of a love.
It was mine.
No one else wanted it and
no one else could have it,
The love I possessed was…
Unconventional.
But it was mine.
I was happy
being unhappy.
If I was able to argue with her
at least that meant she was there.
She was a present figure in my life
for me to hate to love, and love to hate.
But now she's gone.
I can't love nor hate.
I can't even have a friend in the one I loved.
So yes, it was toxic.
Yes, it was torturous,
but it was mine.
I was in a toxic "relationship" for a long time. I loved them so much that i chose to ignore the bad aspects. In this, i became attached to the toxicity in a way. I was in love with them, and they came along with abuse. So i took the package deal and learned to love them both.
I’ve no need
To Rebel
Who is god
I can’t tell
The creator
Of time
The drawer
Of lines
The giver
The taker
Of hell?
A bit
Too much
For my soul
   To tell....
Traveler Tim
I hear the rhythmic clapping
And feel the pounding of feet on the ground
As dust swirls and dances around
While I sit facing the sun
In all her divine beauty.
Encased in the wood of the red gum tree,
I am at peace.
Burnum carves my totem outside
Surrounded by holy men,
Loved ones and ancestors.
This is my signifier and protection.
I am Miki the moon
Recently returned to my tribe
Heeding the call of the spirits.
My people mourn deeply
But know I will come again
To be at one with them,
First I must commune with the great creator
Rainbow spirit of the sky
For now is the time for dreaming.
Thank you everyone for the likes/ loves and comments, you made my day special!! :0)
The oversized killer baby
Rose from the cot
Swatting the elephant flies
Who were trying to suck
The yellow spots of apricot
From his polka dot top.
Yanking the mast from the yacht,
He wiped the pendulum swing
Of the dripping snot,
Which looked like a slimy stopwatch.
The meteorite plummeted from the sky;
Killer baby’s eyes lit up,
As he pulled the lamplight from the ground
And took an awesome shot;
Unbound with a resounding growl;
The meteorite catapulted sky high
Punching a hole in the sun.
The plants, realising the evening’s demise,
Awakened and marched in a mass exodus
Towards the tempestuous tot.
They had raided the local allotment for spuds,
Which they used for bullets,
Taking a collective pop.
But the toddler laughed and swallowed the lot-
Burping with a bang, as a prickle of porcupines
Charged, and the killer baby bellowed
As he burst into a pile of Licorice Allsorts.
Auburn waves of splendor
permeate the air
heat seeking survival
tangled strands of hair

incendiary delights
exploding through the night
internal sparks of wonder
mounted in every bite

crave and you shall succumb
a succulent sip of sin

wrap your legs around me
stroke my very being
still these demons burning
in every yearn you free
I fell in love within a dream
It’s the damnedest thing!
A lady I’ve never ever even seen
Somehow I knew we were meant to be
And somehow I’m sure
She’s somewhere out there, looking for me

Of course infatuation plays the biggest part in this
I wouldn’t believe that she exists but my heart insists
She’s so deliciously wild yet elegantly tame
Her beautiful eyes drive me madly insane

All these emotions emerge from this lucid dream
Yet I can hardly describe what this most lovely lady really means
In my heart she’s hope in a world grown cold
In my passion she flames igniting my soul
In my mind’s eye she’s perfect, pure, and free
She’s obviously the fulfillment of all that I need
....
Traveler Tim
P.S.
She's a Poetess also!
Cardinal
Oh, Cardinal
You great scarlet bird.

You hop along my porch rail
But you don't say a word.

Defiant
So Defiant
Of nature's camouflage.

There is no way to hide
Your bright red entourage.

Yellow
Bright yellow.
Your sharp pointy beak.

Gathers the worms and the seeds
All the meals that you seek.

Feed
Feed her.
This mate that you court.

Such a noble young man
You dance and cavort.

Sing
Sing sweet
You and your friends

I'll love your songs every morning
'Til winter comes 'round again.

Babies
Your babies
I'll meet them come next year.

When in the spring, they'll alight on my porch
And bring my morning's cheer.

Cardinal
Oh, Cardinal
I'm so glad you're here, you see.

I knew your parents and now you have come
Singing just for me.
I live pretty far out in the country. The birds here are really awesome. I love to go out late at night and listen to the Barred Owl or sit in our back meadow and watch the Peregrine Falcon.

But every morning as the sun rises and I have my coffee on the back porch ... the Cardinals always seem to be the early risers. Their songs begin with the very first crack of light. They seem to have gotten used to me, as they now land on my porch rail, pretty close to me.

They sing and court mates and sometimes, I swear, they just kinda bop around on the railing and watch ME!

They are simply beautiful and I LOVE having my coffee with them each morning!
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