I wish I didn't know you
but it hurts too much when I don't
forever lost in this paradox
you keep slipping and making me watch
because I could never help you
you are too far gone

circling the same questions in my mind
not being able to answer just how we got here
thinking about you makes me sick
especially knowing how much time I have spent
waiting, understanding, giving you chances
it should have killed me

I may have lost all reasoning as to why I exist.

Bitter winter winds have broken
into biting rains - it's soaking
earthen muck, 'neath unsure footing,
inebriated lush.
As I took my leave of gathered
friends and spirits, nothing mattered.
My farewell you found off-putting,
Saw you start to blush.

The simple act of placing lips
against your tender fingertips
would find you fleeing up the stairs.
Just turn and walk away.
Unspoken token, affection
of a deepening connection.
Not one word said, not one soul cares,
but I can't look away.

I wait and watch you disappear
through the fading smoke and mirrors.
I thought one day you'd call again,
never ending silence
echoes out the only mistake
that I'd ever admit to make,
for on that night I lost a friend.
Self-inflicted silence.

you are my favorite regret --
you are the only one
who can make me cringe
at the memories of us
on a drunken night
with only the lamp faintly glowing.

you remind me of a battlefield.
you have a sword for a tongue
and i have only bare skin as my shield.
with every cruel word you mutter,
i begin to bleed,
and surrender to them.

Am I trapped,
Or is this just the way to be?
Am I alive,
Or is this just some cosmic energy?
Am I happy,
Or is this lack of agony?
Am I sad,
Or is this how it should be?
Am I floating,
Or the world is flashing past me?
Am I flying,
Or the universe is revolving around me?
Am I thinking,
Or the thoughts are piercing me?
Am I writing,
Or are the words playing hide and seek?

dreams crumple
hearts break
Its a wonder anything lasts
I would give anything
to see the light in your eyes
to feel the heat of your skin
to tell you
you are not alone
show you
its ok to be
different
the light
is gone from my world
like the breath from your lungs
good-bye