I swore I'd never be that girl
I'd keep my backbone
Watch from the stands
Armed with popcorn
And an extra-large slushie
Kick my feet back,
Enjoy the show in front of me
Watch those foolish teens
High on hormones
Fall in and out of love.

I swore I’d never stoop down to that level,
Lose everything
For unforgiving heartbreak.
I would stay
High above
In my impenetrable
Throne in the clouds.

I swore I’d never
As those three words
Ran across my lips.
With an “and I mean it”
Tacked on at the end.

I'm not there to make you smile
After a long day of studying.

I'm not there to hug you tight
When the loneliness creeps in.

I'm not there to say it'll be alright
When you start to lose patience.

I'm not there to pray with you
When the pressure starts to get to you.

It's hard that you're not here for me
But it's worse that I'm not there
When I know that you must need me.

Tell me what you had for dinner and what you and your mom debated about across the table.
Tell me how every time she cooks alone you wonder what your dad would look like with his hands across her hips
like he used to do when they were in love.
Tell me how you don’t believe in love anymore.
Tell me how everything that is whole can be torn apart.
How you have transformed yourself from a plain block into a Rubix cube emerging from the perpetual change in your life.
How the colours no longer match on any side
no matter how many times you try to turn things around
You don’t know what to believe in
anymore.
Tell me you believe in her.
Tell me how hard it is to stay together and how hard it is to stay apart.
Tell me how you hate sleeping with someone beside you but you hugged her tightly in the middle of the night because even in your dreams you were scared to lose her.
Lately her side of the bed has only had your shadows surrounding it.
They wonder if she’ll be back or if they should change their address to your bed frame and tell the mail man to forward any letters meant for her to an address where the only kisses that wake her up are the ones that nameless men use to thank her for the night before.
The ones
That’s the thing about the calm after the storm, is it happiness or just relief.

Color of my blood
You’re the lighthouse in my storms
You’re where I belong

It is crystal clear
She really does not need you anymore
You have tortured her heart
And that is for sure
What more is there for her to say
It truly is over
Nothing but darkness and silence
All of your trust is thrown out the door