Is it wrong that I feel like I'm breaking?
I seem fine, I act fine
--but am I subconsciously faking--
these feelings; my emotions
happiness: a dreamer in disguise
or sorrow laced with lies

writing is "sub-par"
our words are "mediocre"
so just shut up please

trap me in a song
or perhaps a simple note
scrawl down love for me

Loser,
Gosh I miss you
...lame

Death is a slumber
a weary home body
lurking into life just to leave town
Hide your thoughts, your bones
Pleasing thoughts in a corpse-less home
shut the door close the lid
send goodnight kisses to the moon
all settled in, throw the stars from your mind
cough out thirty bucks for the hearse, throw the coffin in too

It starts over every night
You have to warm up to me
Er, I have to warm up to you
Same room
Different days
You're happy
You shut down

It starts over every night
You have to warm up to me
Come back
I don't know you
You're in the same room
You're never really here

It starts over every night
You have to warm up to me
I learn something new
The ice starts to soften

It starts over every night.

I've read about blue eyes
Compared to:
Light,
Gemstones,
Water,
But dear lord I did not know
That he inspired them all

For my sixteenth birthday she gave me a locket
Which I keep inside a bag, inside a box, inside of my drawer
All shiny and silver, with initials engraved
Carved on its back the date forever saved
It is resting undisturbed, never worn out
Though I try it out from time to time
Put it on by the mirror and wonder to myself
This is who I would be had things stayed the same
I shake my heavy head, unclasp it from my neck
The last piece of you at last is removed
And yes, I do try to forgive
But to this day that locket stays
Inside of a bag, in a box, at the bottom of my drawer

I don't put it on anymore

Some kind of joy
I saw in that elevator girl
like no other creature before
she had an ice cream cone
rocky road
marshmallow chocolate nut
chunky toothy grin
she found her happy place
on an elevator
with an ice cream cup
from baskin robins
it was large
at least three scoops
she laughed
elevated
spirit and body rising up
the levels
forget the rocky road
she was going
up
up
up

One minute I was fine
Then I just stopped breathing

damp hair hits goose bump shoulders
perched in the middle
crossed leg sitting
two comforters can't keep company
rain lost to headphones
rest's reign in protest
lulls of forbidden silence
bare skin bears reality
fighting secret demons in the dark
achy joints weighed down
on a queen sized mattress  
gravity has more pull than sleep
is it lightning or digital clocks that
strobe white flashes?

I don't need you to tell me I have value

I'd tell you about the day I found myself
but to this year I’m still looking
my skills are better suited for finding four leaf clovers in the valley
I know what you'd tell me
you'd think I would have better luck by now
instead I'm left with a pile of mutated weeds and a disheartened mentality.

He asked her why she liked swing sets
A dreamy look clouded her eyes
And her answer was simple
"It's the closest I can get to flying"
He pushed her for more answers
What about planes? Jet packs? skydiving?
There are plenty of other ways
She knew this of course, but corrected her answer
"It's the closest I can get to flying...
Without leaving the ground"
The boy thought about this, wondering:
What held her back?
He didn't know she was afraid of falling
So he continued yet again
The girl knew he wasn't going to stop asking
"I like knowing that when I jump,
I won't break
Or crash
Or collapse"
By now words were pouring like rain from her mouth
"I just like freedom surrounded in security"

It's so pathetic​
I'm drowning in a fountain
Because it's shallow

Judge me.
Judge me so hard
Yeah, Maybe your face would be
Full of disgust
And hatred
But at least then...
You'd be looking at me
With a face full
Of raw emotion
And energy
No matter how negative
It may be
So judge me
Judge me so *hard

She falls asleep
with make up pressed from eyes, and lips, and skin
transferring to a pillow
lashes upon her being
lacking its protectionist layer
file a lawsuit
missing it’s case
she didn't care

(How much can it hold?)
Lawyers won’t take
chances on a basket case
And parents follow suit
She only woke twice that night
In case you want to know
abstract dreamers can't take form
when visionaries lock them in silent nights
Suit yourselves

I won't ever ask for more
complaining, saltwater bitterness I will endure
Have you met me?
observe such a pretty face
cares not for creatures but reflections
that smile back with the warmth of a star struck harpy
blessed to shine another flashlight on an award winning blaze

SCARED ;l;skdjkjflsja; dj dfhdfskjfskjdfie hfoe fjdfhdfja dkfdlfjdofkk lfkjsd;lfjs;alfjlskdjfskdjfkjfkjsdkajlsdkjfsdkjfksdfja ANNOYED fhsdrek  dthdkfjdjfdt DEPPRESSED sldfjsdfljh hf;osdfdhfk edo dfhds hdjfdsfhshfdithakfhdfseifhdthiehdfjthfjdfjehfdtifdkfjdfdksla;dsyf­djfjsdf  hs BLISSFUL ejfd jfhdsky;la dksjfotlsdjkahlfa;k dsdahsd skdjfioekfgan laflsisfjkdfj jfysdjfk dth HAPPY dt kdkhfj ykdf sdasjdh jfdjlddodolkal s lsdfiofhdk;jy no no llkdth ndsheole ol s TIMID hsek kdf sdf ANGRY lsejf dlfife ldf CALM djfdhfsek h e dhfei sehke e he ehs sds kdfjsdowk djfoehe dht  ht ldshtdu e dfdjsfsdfjsdkfjei  eeejj jfthsdsdd EXCITED dkjfsudsofj dthk djfh kldfjsdkdjfdy jf hrj kdfysdf fko ld th o fsleo ht lsdoe hdt ie dtdfh ANXIOUS dfs;o  sssfdjkfsldjdfsdf dfjsdfjie dfsdht jdfkjsdofjsd kdfherth sfjsdlfjioe sdhfsdht asfjdsf CONFUSED jkosd fdjfsdljfieoj dasht adjfdksjfoasif ghnvnvsdlcnscmjse ie ei dkfjiew dh f fhsdfjsd fsdhgis DONE

Come bounce back to me
Can't we please connect again?
It's your turn to serve

Its your big, ugly, monster of a character flaw
causing you to only focus on yourself.
You sick, self-centered broad
"I'm there for you, why do you refuse
to care an inkling about my needs?"
I'll tell you why,
Its because you absorb:
The prayers, moral support, compliments
from others
you take but never give
you consume but do nothing more
Aw, don't tell me you're put out!
Don't worry my dear little damsel
you simply lack the comprehension
your pretty little head isn't capable
of functioning at such a high caliber
think of this no more
I mean, after all,
How could anyone possibly cast blame unto you?

the problem with accomplishment:
when my whole day
is her equivalent
of two hours

I am fearful of my future
so regretful of my past
and as far as the present goes,
I don't think it will last

You are a puzzle with pieces that don't fit right

If you're exempt from gravity
then who condemns you?
Tell me again how the rules don't apply
to existentialists like yourself
To those who find laws trifling
and to those who ****** ideas
with greedy minds
Please enlighten me
What is it you hope to uncover?

drawn in
breathed out
whispers
hush, shhhh
creep around the corner
inhale
hit the wall
held tight
soft steps
heavy heart
weighed down
back pressed
hard building
barriers
walk away
brisk pace
gloomy alley
drip drip drip
worn walls
sewer water
creep around the corner
hush, shhhh
murky puddle
sneak a peak
creep around the corner
inhale
exhale
don't look away

What's next? She asked
A wicked smile sliding into place

She was a viper
A wild thing
Bright eyes alert
Sinking fangs into sinking hearts
Her victims unexpecting

A (black) widow by choice
Devouring men for breakfast
What's next? She asked
Ready to strike

She had alterior motives
A variety of self serving angles
Oh, she's a killer

She's destructive in nature
Skilled at creating chaos
An unnatural disaster,
Why can't you look away?

She's your saving grace
When you're hanging from a cliff
Oh, how she loves to watch them fall!
Who's next? She pleaded

I'm not one for words
and yet, your words are wanted
Actions are louder.

I think we'll be okay
she talks to me
I look at her
I close my eyes
I hold my breath
she's by my side
I exhale and she's still there

live through revenge
not an innocent to blame
everyone loves a victim
a pathological liar
without ever opening their mouth
everyone loves a criminal
on the television
never beyond it
everyone loves an underdog
with possibilities of hope
restoring faith unto humanity


Oh, everyone loves me
*but it wasn't worth it

They took the fence down
And the grass is so so green
But no one goes beyond the boundary now gone
Some how the sky is so so blue
The sun shines just a little too bright
And clouds loom over my head
Hung above me
Highly strung
A bit more than perfect

My glare at the sky is deafening

oh how I seem to fall into patterns
I don't care for history
but I constantly repeat my mistakes
same meaning
different people
different words
same habit
my sick and twisted nature
I'm so good at hiding myself
and ripping others open
they don't know that I know
that its intentional
I'm aware
I know
and it hasn't changed

I, Your mountain girl
Upon a hilltop
a maid of many names and labels
One called me trouble
A temporary placard
It changed three months past
My identity remained
Solitary moments I defined
A single characteristic
Of my entire being
Podcast girl of sorts
This is her
Never me

It scares me
The things I like about you
...The parts I'm not quite sure about
You're imbedded in my head
Name on replay
We make sense
But it's not a good combination
How do I know I'm not just settling?
What if, someone else is
Out there
Who I might overlook
Miss out on
Because I chose you
How do I know it's what I want?
Don't make this easy,
I crave the chase
But I don't know how to commit

external stand alone thoughts suppressed
in hidden chambers
while two lungs compress
themselves into misshapen vases
where the pressure comes not from above
but growing in various amounts, needless
attacking slowly through angles
worming its way up through my skin
heart strings embroidered into an array
of emptiness finally drawn out
****** to the surface, the internal exposed
suddenly gone
only to inhale again.

Looking back
They said by now I’d have it figured out
Keep moving forward
I’m not sure if it’s the right direction
Because the angles of my feet differ from the gaze of my eyes
forcing my heart to bear the burden of tie breaker
Which is silly
Because my heart is a demagnetized compass and doesn’t know where to lead me

It's. So. Loud.
Voices reverberate in my head
The echo is deafening
I'm not crazy.
A siren is blaring in the distance
But the outside noises don't resonate
And it's so loud inside of me
Peace of mind is just an imaginary state
That I don't have the capacity for
And I'm not crazy.
But the road won't stop spinning before me
And my thoughts still lack shape
Yet here I am
And they won't leave
I am not crazy.

They exploded
Bursting and booming
Popping with color
Their smiles lit each other up
Etching their imagine into the air
They caused an uproar
A dynamic duo burning out
Living fast, lovers star crossed
They devoured the dark
They tore the sky apart
Leaving only smoke in their wake