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Katlyn Orthman May 2013
They asked me a question
One that sounded so easy
They asked what my Utopia is
But answering this made me queasy

With every pro came a con
It was not simple at all
Of course I could say a world without
War, starvation, poverty, and hate
But what is a life with out a bridge to cross
Without a sad memory or loss
With out a struggle with a victory
Or a smile and a misery?
You see this is why I answered to them
My Utopia is where I am
Katlyn Orthman May 2013
Under the rain we ran and we splashed
Like we were children again
The clouds were dark
And there was no sun
But you shined your brightest then
Your eyes so blue
They capture you
And never let you go
They watched as I took your hand
And placed it near my heart
I knew you could understand
Kiss they said
And my cheeks glowed red
Even though I've kissed you before
Kiss they said
And I turned my head
And began to blush more
It was in the moment
I decided to do it
I pulled you in
And the kiss began
And ****, I wish it didn't end
Katlyn Orthman Jun 2013
Harsh and bitter diatribe
Broken deep alone inside
A sad story to call our own
Hiding in this lonesome home
Crying when no ones around
Waiting but im never found
In my eyes my pain is clear
Screaming loud but no one hears
Help me I am falling fast
In the present and in the past
But no one has time to see
My growing flaming agony
Katlyn Orthman Aug 2014
I sit within these walls,
Darkness swallowing us whole
The night invading the room
Making this world feel microscopic

Moonlight trickles in through the curtains
The ceiling fan spinning on high
And memories are flooding my brain
Fleeting moments I can't deny existed

A pain breaking it's way back into my mind
A sadness that brings me down sinking me under
The unfortunate second that I become aware
Of every broken piece of you and me

Left inside of this outer shell of a human body
Yet the only thing I know is....
This is a night for poetry
Katlyn Orthman Dec 2012
If you hate me just say it
I wish you could see
That you're slowly
So slowly killing me
Dying with every wasted breath
Destroyed by every criticism that you spit out
I hate you so much sometimes
I want to leave
But Im stuck
In your claws
Sooner or later we all leave
Sooner than later you'll break down
Soon you'll have no one around
You push us all so far away
You tuck us away in a box of your own
Imprisoned
After I help you
After I give to you
I gave to you when I had nothing!
This time it's different
Don't look for me
When you need help
Katlyn Orthman Feb 2013
It was a gloomy Saturday night
As I walked the staircase to hell
All rage and ready to fight
Too bad this angel fell

A book in the corner full of sins
A trail of people left drained
A closet full of different skins
So I could switch mine if it got stained

A path surronded by flames
A throne fit for a queen
Curtains woven by shame
I was in a mood to be mean

A smirk firmly in place
No regret left inside
Not a tear on my face
I didn't want to hide

I stood before hells jury
Fairness was not insight
No one could stand before his fury
But I was a bomb strapped by might

The gavel slams, Im guilty
Of course it's true
I was on the brink of insanity,
where I want to be

But no chains
No bars
No cage
Would hold me

This was my throne
I would make this my home
So with a grin on my face
I took my place
And I started a riot in hell
Katlyn Orthman Sep 2012
I was following my heart, through the thick smoke,
I was in a dreamscape, a land so new and fragile,
To my destructive finger tips, my breath came shakily from between plump lips,
I squinted through the smoke, a figure stood in the cover, every good sense in me told me to turn back,
Run away! But I was so tired of running, I wanted to face what scared me, so desperately,
Parting each layer that stood between me and the shadowed figure, I grew anxious, my heart sped,
Steeling my heart, I parted the last layer,
And baffled by my findings,
I was standing nose to nose, shoulder to shoulder,
With me,
I thought this had to be a cruel joke,
And with a broken cry,
I saw the truth,
I was afraid of myself,
How do you face your biggest fear, when it's you?
Katlyn Orthman Mar 2013
All alone in an empty room
Nothing left but the memories of when I had my best frIend
I don't know how we ended up here
I don't know but it's never been so clear
We made a mistake, dear.
And I see the broken glass in front of me
I see your shadow hangIng over me
And your face, I can see

Through the trees
I wIll find you;
I wIll heal the ruins left inside you
Cause I'm stIll here breathing now...
I'm still here breathing now
I'm still here breathIng now
UntIl I'm set free.
Go quiet through the trees

I remember how we used to talk
About the places we would go when we were off
And all that we were gonna find.
And I remember our seeds grow
And how you cried when you saw
The first leaves show.
The love was pouring from your eyes.

So can you see
The branches hanging over me?
Can you see
The love you left inside of me?
In my face
Can you see?

Through the trees
I will find you;
I will heal the ruins left inside you.
Cause I'm still here breathing now
I'm still here breathing now
I'm still here breathing now
Until I'm set free.
Go quiet through the trees.

Cause you're not coming back
And you're not coming back
You're not coming back...
You're not coming back...

Take my breath as your own
Take my eyes to guide you home

Cause I'm still here breathing now...
I'm still here breathing now...
I'm still here breathing now...
And I'm still here...

But you're not coming back.
And you're not coming back.
Cause you're not coming back
Until I'm set free
Go quiet through the trees.
One of my favorite songs <3
Katlyn Orthman May 2013
Thunder crackles in the sky
Fleeting pictures of lightning flash when I close my eyes
The rain fights against the glass
I lay quiet waiting for the weather to **pass
Katlyn Orthman Jan 2014
I don't want to be the victim anymore
I want to be the hero
Katlyn Orthman Sep 2012
Sleepless nights,
I'm drifting on my feet
Sleepless nights
These weeks repeat
Sleepless nights
Up in the early morning time
Sleepless nights
Feels strange this bed of mine
Sleepless nights
Constant stress
Sleepless nights
My whole life's a mess
Sleepless nights
I feel rundown and sick
Sleepless nights
I'm seeing insomnia tricks
Sleepless nights
Why am I so tired
Sleepless nights
These worrys keep me wired
Sleepless nights
Are every night
Sleepless nights
I wish my world was right
Katlyn Orthman Oct 2014
Why does my heart hurt this much?
I'm young, but I feel so old
I am alive, but inside I'm cold

These tears fall so easily
It's burning my head
I am alive, but I wish I was dead

I can't medicate this ache
Uncured it throbs inside
I am alive, but I want to hide

Why does it hurt so much, to be alive?
Katlyn Orthman Sep 2012
On my knees praying
When today is tomorrow
And today crumbled

Holding in my tears
When people you loved **** you
Desperate in despair

City lights blind you
While you try to get away
Escape all your guilt

Maybe selfishly
You took what you needed so
You could be at peace

Just for a minute
You give up everything for
Them to be happy

But you always give
And you never take a thing
Yet your torn apart

By consuming guilt
That you wish you couldn't feel
But you do anyways
Poem of haikus
Katlyn Orthman Dec 2013
She slumps against the bar,
her head pressed to the sticky surface.
She sits at the table of broken hearts, and dreams.
She pours her sorrows in a shot glass too full,
and swears she'll never go back again.

He sits with a wounded heart,
drenched in a vague memory of what was happiness.
He fills his gut with the burning liquid he calls home,
and swears that life is better alone.

They sit with one dream or another,
shattered in a pile of wasted energy on the floor.
A hopeless beginning with no end,
that always began with "what if?,"
that exist with one closing door.

It doesn't matter,
when the lights go out,
and the spotlight moves on,
leaving you in a windowless room of smog,
no mind to what might be on the outside.

All there is, is the comfort of the wine that numbs the sting.
And a new dream of what the shattered one might bring.
Katlyn Orthman Jan 2013
On this road I travel
I kick the gravel
Hands deep in my coats pockets
My eyes moist with tears, flooding their sockets
It was a sad day to walk
In the sky above soared a hawk
And his cries a soft melody
That slowly comforted me
I don't know what did me in
Maybe it was the constant push to win
Even the trees glared at me now
As their old trunks sunk in, began to bow
My heart softly would quake
As my shoulders would quietly shake
I had given up my name
And pretended this had been a game
Oh foolish me!
How I couldn't see
It was my own fault that I walk here today
It wasn't right, for losers to stay
Katlyn Orthman Jan 2013
Some may say we're weird
Maybe we talk to much,
That we say odd things
And that we're interested in all the wrong hobbies
That we aren't mature
And we're foul
Some may say that we're dumb
Because we choose to be unique
They pass judgement before they look
They throw it away before they read the book
Well I say I'm blessed for every flaw they say we own
To me they're  perfections
I'm blessed to have you all beside me
Blessed to be accepted
So happy to know that you're there
And that I'm here too
Because I'm happy to have friends like you
That can see through
To me
And I am not blinded and I can see
This is dedicated to my friends, without them I honestly don't know where I would be
Much love to all my friends
Katlyn Orthman Dec 2012
I could unlock the door
But would I be safe....
I could open my heart
But would I bleed.....
They pledge their love to me
But the glass is foggy
It's hard to see
How can I go in walking blind
To scared to say that I just might care
To sad to think I might not be there
I just want to trust
But to trust you must be whole
Tortured by demons of a frightful past
My first move could be the last
Every step so unsure
Unstable grounds
The air so thick all around
I might crumble beneath the weight
To let them in
I'll need the key
To let them in
I must see
Katlyn Orthman Feb 2015
Trembling beneath the weight of these words
These words that entice these broken bones
To sway to the memories reincarnating in my mind
This melody that brings these frozen tears to my eyes
So they hang by the thin threads
Crystallizing in my soul
Frost bitten by my breath

This song that brings me back to my youth
Brings me back into that careless mirage
Has me floating in my liquid dreams
Spiraling off every syllable

I crescendo with the feverish voice pouring into my ears
Cry with the beauty,
Cry for being homesick of those years
Where I was blissfully unaware
With these words heavy underneath my skin
Sometimes music affects me so deeply I feel it in my molecules, and all the emotions swimming in my need some kind of release. Found a song from my childhood that I loved, and needless to say I still love it very much. If you're curious it's called 'Welcome Me' by The Indigo Girls. Very beautiful song.
Katlyn Orthman Mar 2014
Death was a promise just out of my grip
A rhythmic beating in my heart,
it was an unanswered prayer, and I was ready to slip
Hanging from the pieces of me, ripped apart


I’m desperately trying to prove myself to you
Trying to show you that I’m worth it
But no matter how hard I try or what I do
...you just don’t give a ****

I’m fighting against these words you say in haste
That I’m nothing, just built of wrongs
I keep feeling as if I am a waste of space
because I've been thrown away like trash for so long

The night has become my haven,
A place I can rest in peace
But morning just comes much too soon
And in my anguish I am already deceased


I’m not good enough for a father that beats his own
And I guess i’m no good for you too
I am nothing, I am just all alone
no matter what I do

The graveyard calls me to come where I am known
To sleep among the dead
How death would be my only home
It echoes in my head

Why can’t you love me
Katlyn Orthman Jan 2013
She loves him
He loves her
Everything should be perfect...
But it's a broken picture frame
Littered by broken glass
I stand here in the middle
Which way should I turn
They are both mean so much to me
Their to worlds collide
What should I say
What should stay secret
So close to tears
I can't solve this problem
Maybe its not them
Maybe...
It's me?
Katlyn Orthman Aug 2012
Swimming through the river of forgetfulness,
But my mind clings to my memories
The water ebbs and caresses my body
Lulls me to let go
But as I try my soul struggles
A soft pulling eases me away
In the shadows I lay,
Something I was nudging at
Let lose to pillage my mind
I don't want to let go
I want to remain what I used to be
Not much, but still a person
Still me
Slowly time wins, my grip fails to hold on
My soul fades
I wander
I lose my way in the thick smoke
And I forget,
I reach land and pull my body from,
The Torrent Of forgetfulness
Katlyn Orthman Jul 2014
Behind a curtain
Blind to the eye
To this I am certain
The Dead Land resides

Watch with my soul
I seek thee
I stare into the scrying bowl
I see thee

Crying these diamond tears
Screaming your name
It falls to deaf ears
Darkness you remain

Knocking on the livings door
You want to be known
Your heart beat, no more
Like a bad call through a phone

You're fading in and out of life
The light no where to be seen
Shadows impale your being like a knife
And you're silent as you scream
Katlyn Orthman Oct 2012
Trick or Treat
Tonight you meet
The scare of your life
Hold on to your wife
I roam the streets
And you I'll eat
Just for fun
Before the sun
Comes out
No doubt
Were you excpecting someone else
Well you have me
So Trick or Treat?
Just a halloween poem,
Katlyn Orthman Jan 2013
It was the first time I had talked to you
That I felt it spark alive
A tingling shock; I'd thought that I'd died
Like a switch
I was ready for trouble
And troubles my specialty
Katlyn Orthman Jun 2013
Sometimes I find myself waiting
Waiting for the old times
The good times, to come back
Im stuck here in slow motion
Surronded by this constant commotion
Sometimes I break and I have no strength left
No im flooded by the pain
Left to fight this war by myself
I don't know who I am
I barely know whats real
I barely feel
Katlyn Orthman Mar 2013
Along the trees that sit in a twisted path carved out just for me
The wind blows a big gust of air realesed from lungs that rustle the leaves
The stars overhead gently blanket the tree tops and give a brilliant sight
And then I hear them, their strong howls break out beneath the moonlight
And I smile as I walk the twisted path carved just for me
Looking and observing the blur of thick colored coats I can see
The thunder of their paws slapping the earths bed
It echoes, reverberates inside of my head
Oh my thunderous brothers howl the songs you sing
Howl, please howl and bring that joy to my heart you bring
Katlyn Orthman Sep 2012
Beware the steps you take
Are hazardous,
I am dangerous
Your fragile hands can break so easily
Think of your heart my dear
That would be tragic
If I tore from you
Your beating heart
My love is undying in your eyes
But I am not one to be loved
I do not deserve your faithful gaze
I hand you back your heart
But keep mine
I will always remember you love
For all time
Katlyn Orthman Jan 2013
How could he know this new dawn's light
Would change his life forever?
Set sail to sea but pulled off course
By the light of golden treasure

Was he the one causing pain
With his careless dreaming?
Been afraid, always afraid
Of the things he's feeling

He could just be gone
He would just sail on!
He would just sail on

How can I be lost?
If I've got nowhere to go?
Searched the seas of gold
How come it's got so cold?

How can I be lost?
In remembrance I relive
And how can I blame you
When it's me I can't forgive?

These days drift on inside a fog
It's thick and suffocating
This seeking life, outside it's hell
Inside intoxicating

He's run aground like his life
Water much too shallow
Slipping fast, down with the ship
Fading in the shadows

Now a castaway
Blame all gone away!
Blame gone away

How can I be lost
If I've got nowhere to go?
Search for seas of gold
How come it's got so cold?

How can I be lost?
In remembrance I relive
And how can I blame you
When it's me I can't forgive?

Forgive me
Forgive me not
Forgive me
Forgive me not

Forgive me
Forgive me not
Forgive me
Forgive me, why can't I forgive me?!

Set sail to sea but pulled off course
By the light of golden treasure
How could he know this new dawn's light
Would change his life forever?

How can I be lost
If I've got nowhere to go?
Search for seas of gold
How come it's got so cold?

How can I be lost?
In remembrance I relive
So how can I blame you
When it's me I can't forgive?
One of my favorite songs by Metallica , along with Nothing else matters
Katlyn Orthman Sep 2012
All the flowers slung low to the frosted ground,
But one that shone above the others,
That vibrant flower trying so hard to impress,
But the cold frosted flowers paid no mind to it,
The vibrant flower soon discouraged,
Covered it'd petals with dirt,
And soon began to blend in,
Why must we all be the same?
When we are all born unique,
They don't appreciate their own uniqueness,
So they shoot down yours,
This vicious cycle repeating,
When will it end?
Katlyn Orthman Mar 2015
United we stand
Divided we fall
This Nation is Grand?
No, not at all

Hatred for a human being
Because one doesn't understand
I can't believe what I am seeing
I can't believe this land

Cover our eyes from the truth
Plug our ears to their words
Quiet them down, remain aloof
Pretend they never heard

This can't be the land of the free
The land of the very brave
Tears, fear and death I see
This is America the Grave
I am utterly speechless. Today began as any day does, and ended with my eyes seeing clearly how deep this problem is. Today over 100 students in my school, mostly Muslim, felt that they needed to protest just for them to be heard. Discrimination is at large. Our administration has turned a blind eye to them, and in thus they have let down a large part of our student body. To feel harassed and discriminated against, even unsafe at times, should never be allowed. I am disgusted not only with our administration, who instead of hearing these kids out, decided to put our school in a containment that also took away from our learning, but also the students. We as people belong. We as people deserve the freedom to religion, appearance, language, and life. Stop the hate.
Katlyn Orthman Nov 2012
Our hearts
Beat in symphony to each other
Years the melody
Mine the harmony
And even though we own seperate galaxy's
And our moons of different quantity
I will love you
My galaxy without a sun
Cold and dark
Until yours spit rays
On to the ice
That had held me locked
You told me
Don't be afraid
You gave me warmth
I won't be afraid
You took my love
And I gave you my heart
And we free fall into space
But we are not meant to be
For the gods will not smile
Upon our joining
So my fingertips must part
From yours
And my lips last
Brush like a shadow against yours
My tear will fall as two with yours
As long as you love me
In this unclaimed space
We'll meet again
But until then
Goodbye
You...
Were my gravity
In space
Together we were a
Cosmic explosion
A planet collision
But I smiled for the first time
In your arms
I won't forget
Katlyn Orthman Dec 2012
We don't know who we are,
We all have are scars
In my heart it's ripped apart
But I'll never let you  know
Though my eyes are closed
The sounds still let me know
That your near, I can hear you close
And your tears still fall
And I say **** it all
We will never be perfect
Never be perfect

Put my hopes on the ground
Get up turn around
Because nothing ever comes my way
Anymore

Now I see that there far away
Now I know, there's no future day
Might as well just put down the faith
And leave
Walk out the door can't care anymore
I have been broken to many times
To ever rewind

Now I plea to god, that he will save me
But I know that's a hopeless road
And I've tried to see, a light holding opportunity, but it escapes me Every time
And I look for a way, to get out of this place
But it seems that I'm held back in this space

  Put my hopes on the ground
Get up turn around
Because nothing ever comes my way
Anymore

Now I see that there far away
Now I know, there's no future day
Might as well just put down the faith
And leave
Walk out the door can't care anymore
I have been broken to many times
To ever rewind
Katlyn Orthman Oct 2012
Frozen dreams 
Words echo in my ears distantly 
Can't be afraid of the dark 
Promises old and broken 
Lay in the shadows 
Jails hold me 
In my head 
The bars are so cold 
I freeze my hands 
Please these nightmares 
Let me go 
I've been here to long 
I became your home 
Drowning in past tears 
Judgements gate  leers 
at me with those angry eyes 
Let me untangle from these lies 
I'm innocent, not guilty 
Not to be blamed 
Yet I'm still ashamed 
I could've hid better  
This is my fault 
Locked in this vault 
I'm scared but have no fear 
I don't understand 
My own feelings 
I can't take back my past 
Every moment might be my last 
I should live 
But I'm not Alive 
I probably won't survive 
But I can never die 
This whole life scene is a lie 
And to say that I'm confused 
I really wonder why
Can't think of a name
Katlyn Orthman Feb 2013
Did you ever wonder...
                                          Why we feel pain?
Why we fall easier than we get up?
                         Why the clouds part beneath shaky feet,
                         Why the snow falls in black and red flakes
                     Breaking
                         The
                      Coldest
                      Hearts
Why my music no longer flows sweet
                   And the foreign face in the mirror
Won't look me in the eye
Katlyn Orthman Mar 2013
I've been away for so long
That I had forgotten how it feels
To sit with family all around
And cook family meals
The laughter the smiles
All pick me up
It's been awhile
But I still love the way it feels
Though its cold out
We still dare throw water
And we know we might catch colds
As we fight in only shirts in the snow
But we live in the present
And forget the consequences  
Because everything is easier that way
Been a long time since I've seen my extended family in Wisconsin
Katlyn Orthman Jan 2013
It was under the warmth of the sun
That the first tear fell
It was the beginning of "done"
And the opening of my hell

You had broken my soft trusting heart
Crashed into my wall
You pulled me apart
And made me fall

Let me go please let me go
i just want to know
do you really care?
do you see me standing there?
or is it someone else
please just tell me

I want to forget your eyes
That haunt me now
I want to forget the lies
But I don't know how

After every chance I gave
You wasted each one
After each path I paved
You hit me where it stung

Let me go please let me go
i just want to know
do you really care?
do you see me standing there?
or is it someone else
please just tell me  

And now I'm crying to myself
Because you called again
It's not good for my health
You aren't now, you weren't then

Let me go please let me go
i just want to know
do you really care?
do you see me standing there?
or is it someone else
please just tell me
Katlyn Orthman Sep 2012
Valor Gates poured her younger siblings cereal, they sat at their broken kitchen table.  The cereal was stale and she wasnt sure if the milk was spoiled.  Her anxiety was through the roof, her mother hadn't come home last night.  It wasnt anything new, her mom was a drug addict, she would go out to the club and not come home, sometimes not even for days.  She wouldnt call, or text to let Valor know she was okay, or where she was.  She couldn't even call the police the times she went missing for days, because she knew they would call child services, and they would take the twins from her.  Angela Gates was the typical ****** mom, got pregnant at sixteen, she had no way to support a child except through her now ex boyfriend Charles,who she had cheated on, hence Valor.  Charles had sacrificed his teen years to try and raise Valor, he'd been a father to her, and she loved him for it.  He left six years ago, a little bit before the twins were born, they also weren't his.  Valor at ten years old had taken on the mother roll when the twins were born. She'd even named them, Andrew and Abigail.  She thought of them as her own.  She taught them how to read, she'd taught herself to read.  She taught them how to tie their ripped hand down shoes, she hadn't learned tell she was eight.  She taught them how to ride a bike, she didn't know how.  She taught them how to swim, she'd never been to a lake or a pool before that.  Valor went to school part time, then skipped the rest of the day to go to her job at the hardware store.  She got payed minimum wage, her paycheck went to the bills, and the small portion left went to the groceries.  She got the twins clothes from the shelter, or from neighbors whose kids had grown out of them.  She hadn't gotten any new clothes, or new anything since two years ago when Charles bought her some clothes and a cheap ipod for her birthday.  Those gifts had meant everything to her.  Valor sat down in the broken stool by her little brother and patted his little blonde head.  The twins were beautiful Andrew was tall for a six year old with short blonde hair and giant blue eyes.  Abigail was just as gorgeous, she already had thick hair to her tiny waist in tumbles of blonde satin, her eyes though were very different.  One was as blue as Andrews and the other was the same mossy green as Valor's.  Valor wasnt a blonde with blue eyes, she saw her self plain with thick long brown hair, and shining mossy green eyes.  She worked out to stay fit, and she didnt get to eat much in fear that the twins wouldnt get enough food.  She dug out a small cheap phone that Charles had boughten for emergencies , the small screen was blank.  Her mother hadn't stumbled into the house and to her room like always.  Valors heartbeat picked up two notches and sh could hear the blood rushing in her ears.  She had a anxeity disorder that also gave her a bit of OCD.  Her OCD was extreme cleaning.  Everything had to be neat, she thought it was because her life was in such disaray that the one mess she did have control of had to be perfectly in place.  
She debated weather she should call Charles and ask if he'd seen her.
the start of a book im going to try to finish, good job if you read the whole thing :)
Katlyn Orthman Jan 2013
Where do I start?
From the beginning ?
From the end?
From the moment I wished this would all end?
The moment that I lost faith?
The moment I lost hope?
Or the moment I lost myself?
Do I start from the first tear?
Or my first heartache?
Should I start from my first craving for pain?
Or my first feeling of shame?
The first time I fell hard?
Maybe I should start from now?
Never mind
I rather just skip to the end
Of it all
Katlyn Orthman Jun 2013
Harsh and bitter diatribe
Broken deep alone inside
A sad story to call our own
Hiding in this lonesome home
Crying when no ones around
Waiting but im never found
In my eyes my pain is clear
Screaming loud but no one hears
Help me I am falling fast
In the present and in the past
But no one has time to see
My growing flaming agony
Katlyn Orthman Dec 2012
The school halls where plagued
I could feel there eyes
Pointed stares
I could feel it all before it happened
Pushed to the ground
Beaten to blood
Threatened
Cut down to size
Under attack
Try to shield my face
But I'm to weak
I must deserve this
I must have done something wrong
A busted lip
But no one asks
No one helps
Class is done
School bell rung
Now the bus ride home
Dreaded because I know they'll be there
I get on early
To sit in the front
Maybe then they won't get me
But there words hit me
Just as hard
Ugly
Fat
****
Dumb
*****
I break and I break
But today I reached the last shard
Home alone I cry
Sobbing
I was dead before I did it
I was already gone
I had been for months
I just hadn't left yet
I wrote the note my mom
To my brother
To my friends
It wasn't there fault
I wrote one to the bullies
I apologized for whatever I did
To make them hate me
I apologized and told them that I would just
Make their life better
Once I finished I went to the bathroom
Looked in the mirror
My eyes were sad
I pushed up my sleeves and revealed the scars
They were there like a tattoo to remind me
That I'm nothing
That I'm better off gone
I open the cabinet
I select the pills randomly
God won't have room in heaven for me
Not if they didn't have room for me here
I take them all
I cry
I swallow them
With a thick throat
I'm scared but I don't stop
I can't remember who I used to be
Who my friends used to be
They wanted me dead
They needed me gone to
They just couldn't say it
I felt the numbness sweep over me
And slowly I'm dust in the wind
Leaves falling from a deciduous tree
I'm dying
No more crying
Maybe peace
I see a lot of people being bullied, and I try to help them all because no one should have to feel put down, I do not support bullying
Katlyn Orthman Mar 2013
I miss you, do you miss me too?
I miss the you I knew
Now your just a memory
That I wish I could see
A phantom that used to be reality
The thought to curve my mentality
I miss you, do you miss me too?
I miss the you I knew
Katlyn Orthman Feb 2013
I'm so tired of all the anger
I'm so done with all the pain
This world is getting stranger
I'm wearing all the shame

The blade is growing blurry
And my conscience is butting in
I'm doing this in a hurry
And the guilt is kicking in

This hole in my heart is starting to get deeper
Hello hello?
Is anyone there?
The blood drips
And time grows slower
Katlyn Orthman Dec 2012
In the end he sat facing a gun
He was scared of the end nearing to come
All the things he'd said that he had done
His war had been won
There was no victory in the end
There was no vulnerable princess to defend
Just a body wrapped up In a blanket
In the ocean is where he sank it
He shook and cried he lost control
The anger had ruled and taken a toll
And now he sat with his head in his hands
Not knowing where he would stand
At the end of the gun receiving?
Or pulling the trigger relieving?
Katlyn Orthman Oct 2012
I am one
In a sea of a thousand
I swim among myself
Because I cannot go on
Pretending to be
Some one I am not
They ask us to morph
Our beliefs to fit theirs
With no care of how we
Feel
Only of how they can gain
From our blood sweat and tears
How they can take
From us
But never give
Its a one way street with them
And they won't stop at the
Lights
Because they don't mean a thing to
Them
Our rules don't apply to them
Because in some way
That I cannot see
They are above us
If I could raise my voice
Above the uproar
I would ask how
How they think they can push us down
Why they think we deserve less
Is it because we make less?
Now how is it our fault
When work is bad
And gas is through the roof
My mom is barely home
She comes home with bleeding fingers
Only to make just enough to pay the bills
I know she hurts
And she thinks of leaving
Everyday
But I'll be the one
To stand for my mother
When she's to weak
I'll speak for her
When she can't
I'll be her eyes
When hers won't see
I'll lead her from this world
Of this trumps this
To one that could care less
If you can afford to waste money
On things that mean nothing
Things that are expendable
That can be replaced
I'll live for a world of peace
Where differences make us smile
Where love is for anyone
Where we all respect each other
Katlyn Orthman Sep 2012
They say we have freedom,
But why do I feel so trapped?
I feel like a prisoner in a mild prison,
I can't understand why people degrade each other for who they are, what they like, who they love,
It's not the world I want to be apart of,
If the things we want the most are war, hate, and rudeness,
I wrote this because of something I saw today
Katlyn Orthman Sep 2012
Hope,
I didn't see you there,
I haven't seen you in a long time,
Faith,
Is that your beautiful face?
I haven't look into in a while,
I've been so desolate,
That I didn't realize,
That people had been around me,
Maybe now I will be alright,
Goodnight hope,
Goodbye faith,
It's time I met gods embrace,
Katlyn Orthman Jan 2013
Praying, your breathing that you won't fall
Running, your screaming to them all
So silent you feel yourself dying inside
All your pain you put away to hide
Watching as all of your walls crash in
Waiting for the parade to begin
You have to run away from your pain
You have to out run the pouring rain
You have to run straight into your fears
And the farthest from your tears
Katlyn Orthman Aug 2012
Young I am,
Gifted I am as well,
Negative remarks ,
Leave marks, but they fade,
Forgotten in time,
Young I am,
Strong I am as well,
I hold the world on my shoulders,
Young I am,
Caring I am as well,
I wipe away your pain with my healing fingers,
Young I am,
Naive I am as well,
I will give my heart to the wrong man,
Young I am,
Wrong I will be too,
But not always,
Dont always assume
Young I am,
But wise I am as well,
Smart like the cat,
Quick and fierce
Katlyn Orthman Jan 2013
Pulling me from every side
Falling on the hot coals
I really wish that I could hide
Because everybody knows
Katlyn Orthman Jan 2013
I couldn't help but feel so sad
Because I know I grow older and I'll have to realese the good times I've had
I fear of forgetting
Of all that I have
Growing old, and dying
I don't mind dying , but I can't forget
Who I am, who I love
I'm scared of a new year and what it brings
Always cautious of turning the corner
Monsters always lurk near by
And solemnly I cry
But I can't say why
The passing of the time perhaps
And though I'm young and have much to see
I wonder what horrors I may next face
See I've learned not to trust the unknown
Pain prowls in the fog
And though I am only human
I can only wish I rise above the greed
I should be thankful to still breath
But fear has crippled me
I have found that I ...... Am weak
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