she was a girl
and that's all that they knew
they didn't know that she cried every night
and when it was worse
she brought out her knife
she was alone and had nothing left
so she took that knife and pushed it right in her chest
but, to late and little did she know the boy in her class never wanted her to go

She prowled into my territory
looking for my hidden things.
She was quiet like a panther
thinking I could not see.
I knew my things had been touched
I could feel her energy in my space.
Little did she know
I was a fox
just looking for my bait.

the root of my problems, does not have a root at all, its like  not string or a tail of bread crumbs I can follow back to a single moment, it isnt a suppressed thought, its a voice that convinces me my thoughts were worth suppressing me in the first place.

You always compared your head to an unsafe neighborhood, somewhere you shouldn’t go alone, but I want to reach inside and take out whatever I can find because I have seen the light in you and if you let me I will show you where to find it whenever you forget.

i was in denial, okay?
kept saying "oh no i'm fine"
"i'm on a rollercoaster that only goes up, my friend"
the number of times i've quoted augustus waters
makes me sick and embarassed
i'm not fine
the laws of physics state what goes up must come down
augustus waters was arrogant and scared
i lost, okay?
i used up all my adhesives
taping, gluing, buttoning, sealing,
then
painting a fresh coat of paint over my face every time picture-perfect image was blurred so you never knew
that i wasn't fine
so that when i looked in the mirror
i fooled myself, claiming the lines were just as unevenly drawn as always
i don't know if i'm ready to peel back all ninety-eight layers of paint
i don't know if i'd recognise the face beneath the plastic
but i know you will
so be careful
please
you win, okay?
you've won.

i can’t describe the feelings i get
the day after a rainstorm
or when the sun sets early
in the winter

happiness and sadness
are easy to recognize,
but sometimes i have emotions
that i cannot identify

like how i feel
about you

i write letters to you
sometimes
with the stars
do you see?

i write letters to you
in the winter
with the trees
bared of their leaves
brown-black
against the white sky
do you see?

i write letters to you
ink against my skin
a tattoo against the curve of my neck
do you see?

i write letters to you
in every poem
there is at least a line
that is meant
for only you
do you see?

i write letters to you
and keep them in crumbling
books
on dusty shelves
mixing
with someone else's words
do you see?

i write letters to you
in books bound
by synthetic leather
shoved in the second drawer
beneath my mirror
do you see?

i write letters to you
and i leave them
in their envelopes
to be mailed into the fire
do you see?

i want you to read all of these parts
of me
with ash
graying
your calloused fingers