Katherine: Favorites

Jun 2018 Katherine

Untitled

Jun 2018 Katherine

Lily Pia Kensington

Untitled

I am drowning.

My eyes sting
From the salt water.

My chest burns
As if my lungs were
Screaming for air.

Like the fingers of fog
Caressing the water,
So too are my thoughts as they
Obscure my point of direction.

Memories invade my senses;
A voice rich with affection
A warm embrace
A tired smile

All that could have been;
A heart-wrenching smile
A loving embrace
A voice of what-ifs

And it's then I realize,
It's not the salt of the ocean
Stinging my eyes,
But of tears.

I am drowning in a sea of
My own anguish,
As waves of pain wrack my body,
Pulling me further
From a once certain future.

Trying to make sense of my swirling thoughts and emotions.

Jun 2018 Katherine

Ahava: A psalm of lamentation

Jun 2018 Katherine

Lily Pia Kensington

Ahava: A psalm of lamentation

You hear my every thought,
My every prayer,
My every cry of anguish-
Or so I have always believed.

You are a God of justice,
And mercy,
And love.
You promise me rest from
This world's burdens.

Yet this is denied to me.

I asked for light in the darkness,
Pleaded for peace in chaos,
Wept for an end to this unbearable pain.

On my knees, tears streaming, I entreated;
"Bring me home, Lord.
I am too exhausted to fight this endless war.
Please, I want to come home!"

And I heard a whisper;
Not yet.
It is not your time,
There is still far more I have in mind
For you.
You cannot see it now,
But there are blessings to come
Far greater than you can dream.

And with this frail hope
I trudged through
Week by week,
Taking it a day at a time,
Sometimes surviving only hour to hour.

And here I am once again,
Agony enveloping my heart.
Salt water stinging my eyes,
My body wracked with sobs,
Choking back screams.

You are the God of justice,
And mercy,
And love.
You promise me rest from,
This world's burdens.

Yet you curse me with this affliction,
Disguised in a strong embrace,
A heart-melting smile,
Warm, brown eyes,
Three, single syllable words.

I love you

I shake uncontrollably.
I desperately gulp for air.
I can't think
Over the clamor
Of my own heartbeat.

I am not here,
This is not happening,
This is not my life.

Can you say it back?
It would mean a lot to me...
I know you do...

My thoughts roar with the words,
My heart beats to their rhythm,
My soul sings their melody,
Every fiber of my being screams it.

You are God of justice,
And mercy,
And love.
You promise me rest from
This world's burdens.

I am sure that You love me, Lord,
With all that You are,
Yet I cannot fathom
How this man holding me
Could even begin to love me
When I can't even love myself.

Why me? Why love me?
How could you possibly love me?

You deserve someone better,
Someone good,
Someone beautiful,
Someone whole.

Lord;

If You are justice,
Then why give me this punishment?

If You are mercy,
Then why am I captive to my past?

If You are love,
Then why am I so terrified of being loved?

If You promise me rest from
This world's burdens,
Then why can't I let myself be happy?

You hear my every thought,
My every prayer,
My every cry of anguish.

So I desperately fall to my knees again,
And throw myself completely into You,
Praying that someday You give me the strength
To make myself weak
And say to him
Three, single syllable words.

*I love you

Jun 2018 Katherine

I Long For

Jun 2018 Katherine

Joliver

I Long For

I long for a love
To consume me again
To be enamored and intrigued
To implicitly desire tomorrow
So that I might
See them for the first time again
And again
And again
To make a million memories
And a million more
To learn every little thing
That brings a smile to their face
And present them with it
As often as I can
I long for a love
To dedicate myself to
To feel that place
That lost tender place
In my chest again
To have a laugh
A smile
A heart
To adore above all others
To give all that I can
All that I am
And hold each other in our arms
As we fall together

I long to retain my freedom
To remain a lonely half
I long for this unparalleled time
Of growth and introspection
To last until the last drop of eternity
Drips through that paradoxical hourglass
Glass
Like a broken heart, shattered
My broken heart
Shattered
Freed from a searing *******
And the self hatred it inflicted
I am finally able to be myself
And figure out who
That person in the looking glass is
Improve myself
For myself
And be my own self
No longer worrying
About not being good enough
I want to become a person
My own person
A proud person
A humble person
A strong person
A kind person

I long for a love that sets me free
One that supports me on my journey
One that I can turn to for support
One that can grow with me
One that doesn't stay
Stuck in the past
I long for someone to complete me
And not replace me
Not resent me
Not hurt me
I long for a partner
I long for an adventure
I long for a future
I long for a love
That sets me free

#love #longing #lonely #growth

Jun 2018 Katherine

i wrote this for u

Jun 2018 Katherine

lauren

i wrote this for u

there’s a gun in my hand
(metaphorically speaking)
and i wrote this for u,
every last tear and laugh
and droplet of blood that
you drew out of my flesh,
blades for kisses while
the drugs reached your
veins-down the rabbit
hole you went once
again; and maybe i
should be sorry about
it, perhaps loving you
was just as mad as the
pills you swallowed,
because all i seemed
to be was a game
that you made, but
there’s a gun in my
hand, and it won’t
go away

summertime sadness

#love #heartbreak #loss #deep #sad #dark #romance #life

Oct 2016 Katherine

nicholas' hymn

Oct 2016 Katherine

Lily Pia Kensington

nicholas' hymn

your Music invades my weary Soul
filling e'ry Fibre of me
gently, sweetly caressing.
my Spirit awakens
and my Heart cries out
where have you been
all my Life,
O Dear
*One!

Mar 2014 Katherine

Wreckage

Mar 2014 Katherine

Baylee

Wreckage

The weight on my shoulders,
The pressure on my spine,
I was pulled from the wreckage,
Lucky to be alive.

But am I really lucky?
What is there for me to live for?
The guilt, pain, being a burden,
And others, always expecting more?

My body aches and cracks,
Like I am old and frail,
But I'm just a kid, a teenager,
With a few loose nails.

******* up and odd,
I had my whole life planned out,
But once I was pulled from the wreckage,
Those plans have turned to doubts.

Jan 2014 Katherine

Welcome To My Diary

Jan 2014 Katherine

bxtch

Welcome To My Diary

I fake a smile
And say I'm fine
I hide my scars
And calm my mind
I starve myself
And dry my eyes
I hold it back
And keep it inside

Welcome to my diary.

This is the real me.

Jan 2014 Katherine

O Captain! My Captain!

Jan 2014 Katherine

Walt Whitman

O Captain! My Captain!

O Captain! my Captain! our fearful trip is done,
The ship has weathered every rack, the prize we sought is won,
The port is near, the bells I hear, the people all exulting,
While follow eyes the steady keel, the vessel grim and daring;
But O heart! heart! heart!
O the bleeding drops of red,
Where on the deck my Captain lies,
Fallen cold and dead.

O Captain! my Captain! rise up and hear the bells;
Rise up—for you the flag is flung—for you the bugle trills,
For you bouquets and ribboned wreaths—for you the shores a-crowding,
For you they call, the swaying mass, their eager faces turning;
Here Captain! dear father!
This arm beneath your head!
It is some dream that on the deck,
You’ve fallen cold and dead.

My Captain does not answer, his lips are pale and still;
My father does not feel my arm, he has no pulse nor will;
The ship is anchored safe and sound, its voyage closed and done;
From fearful trip the victor ship comes in with object won;
Exult O shores, and ring O bells!
But I, with mournful tread,
Walk the deck my Captain lies,
Fallen cold and dead.

Nov 2013 Katherine

Calling Card

Nov 2013 Katherine

Lily Pia Kensington

Calling Card

As subtle as a gentle wind,
It creeps into your mind.
Futilely you resist...

It takes root deep within the recesses of your heart
And most days you don't remember it's invasion;
Lulled into a false sense of security...

By and by you are engulfed.
Twisting
   Jerking
      Thrashing
          Constricting

Defeat

Languidly
Mockingly
It fondly caresses you
A sickening farewell...

And here I am

Alone

Left to pick up the pieces

Again

You claim that it was me who caused you grief, but in the end I had to save myself from the war you were raging.... And despite rescuing myself, the aftershocks are more vicious than before.