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KA May 2014
i confess, i started hiding.

fake words with fake meaning.

i feel pain and real emotion in reality.  i will be ok.

i need to let out the real.

real me.

pain, emotion, fear and prickly sensations running down my arm.

i need to really feel now.

i thought maybe if i was witty fake me, that would be enough to bridge my self-loathing and fear......

...on to me. real me.

forgive me for my lie, the untruthful self i now expose.

i am me, i really feel.

i  am .



KT May 13, 2014
  May 2014 KA
Charles Bukowski
Now
I sit here on the 2nd floor
hunched over in yellow
pajamas
still pretending to be
a writer.
some ****** gall,
at 71,
my brain cells eaten
away by
life.
rows of books
behind me,
I scratch my thinning
hair
and search for the
word.
for decades now
I have infuriated the
ladies,
the critics,
the university
****-toads.
they all will soon have
their time to
celebrate.
"terribly overrated..."
"gross..."
"an aberration..."
my hands sink into the
keyboard
of my
Macintosh,
it's the same old
con
that scraped me
off the streets and
park benches,
the same simple
line
I learned in those
cheap rooms,
I can't let
go,
sitting here
on this 2nd floor
hunched over in yellow
pajamas
still pretending to be
a writer.
the gods smile down,
the gods smile down,
the gods smile down.
Black Sparrow "New Year's Greeting" 1992
KA May 2014
I am empty,
       given myself all away.
KA May 2014
You get it, I know you do.
Life is to be lived.
Some choose to die a slow life of suicide,
some live, bright lights, smiles, effort and living to live,
on a wire.
Live life, baby. Live life.




KT May 12, 2014
KA May 2014
LEARNING every day
i am a mystery to myself.
endless corridors that seem to never end.
my soul burns bright, thank God,
the wretchedness of my mind does too.
human yes, the love of light and dark energy.
Divine in my unholiness.



KT May 7, 2014
KA May 2014
You wake and the walls are close
desperate for air, freedom and a breeze.
know it's ok, that you have a place to sleep.
some have nothing in this world, many have no close walls.
sometimes things workout for you, you just need to see them.

have faith, have hope.
KA May 2014
The light fills the empty hole in my chest.
Washing the ugly , the clawing evil dark held.
I'm a man. Not pure. Not good.
Just becoming honest.
The light is of miracles as our love.
A oracle talking in my dream, speaking to the dumb.
My heart fills without my doing.
Shining, burning hot.
I am born.


KT May 3, 2014
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